By nothowtheydoitinalabama - 22/02/2012 03:43 - United States

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
I agree, your life sucks 29 542
You deserved it 3 706

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peachesncreem 21

At least it's an original idea?

dookiedoo 0

Too late I just patented that.


peachesncreem 21

At least it's an original idea?

He mas making it for you bitch mom

Directed at op

^ So why did you reply to this persons comment?

Because he wanted to be on top for once.

Uhh...can you spell "animal abuse"? On a side note I'd recommend that OP's dad see a mental health professional about his "original ideas".

wasnt something like this already invented...or was that just something from simpsons or family guy?

JadeWalker 14

Its already been invented

Jakesterk96 8

22- nice pun.

MissHayleyJames 7

It's been invented essentially. It's called an artificial ****** or AV and you fill part of it with warm water to reach optimal temperature and pressure to mimic a ****** then you lube it up. You can either hold it for the animal or install it in a phantom (a phantom is the big padded dummy the animal mounts) but holding it works better so you don't lose any semen.

Nice hahaha

102- Uh, thanks for sharing? xP

leadrunner751 3

I don't see the FML

it was possibly a joke from what I got. and if not, there is a thing called ***********. people do it. doesn't mean they r psycho.

Beastiality reasons?


BeaterOfTheDrums 15

It saddens me that this is from my home state..

There's a job that requires you to push people into trains when they get stuck between the doors. Ask him if he's interested

If you have pets. . . Hide them.

M0rt 0

Only in Oregon.

Wow a Oregon post

M0rt 0

Wow a guy from Oregon who doesn't know simply grammar, spelling, or whichever category this would fall under. *an

What's the main cause for **********? ...all of those sexy animals.

I've seen that! In Japan, they literally beat the passengers into the train if they're too slow.

dookiedoo 0

Too late I just patented that.

3- your picture makes you look like a creeper... Nuff said

bacon1043 3

Haha your profile pic..

3- nice pic. The hair says "Let's party" the mustache/glasses combo adds "in my van" You win.

As long as the van has candy...

dookiedoo 0


No candy, but there's a tear-stained mattress

Is that Jared Allen?!

Does your mom have a picture from your sex offender profile hanging on the refrigerator with a "World's Best Son" magnet?

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ninjuh_wingman 29

The animals all appreciate the idea.

Tbh, I feel animals can get laid a lot easier than humans can, so animals don't really have a reason to **********...whereas humans now, it's a crime to just go up to another person and have sex with them on the spot, so his invention shall benefit humans a lot more, in my opinion

Matty1188 6

What? Humans already have masturbators, there's an entire industry.

alstbv12 13

Seriously. If I had a dollar for every fleshlight ad I've seen...

CaptainPickles72 18

#36- It sounded like you were complaining rape was illegal, for a second. Plus, if I remember correctly, they use artificial insemination on animals for various reasons. This guy's invention could make their jobs easier, granted, if they don't have anything like this yet. Gotta get that sperm somehow! #58- You'd have enough money to actually buy a Fleshlight?

58 ....I'd have 0 dollars, haha. And ofc not 109, just saying how easy it is to get laid as an animal, as opposed to a human

ssnowywinter 0

36, animals don't ********** because animals don't get pleasure from sex. I think the only ones that do are humans and dolphins.

PYLrulz 17

I'd buy that for a dollar!

I'm pretty sure they have those already Sorry to let your father down

They do. It's for horse semen extraction to breed thoroughbreds.

They also have one for cattle.

They have a sex doll for dogs as well, it even had an infomercial.

Jakesterk96 8

"Does your dog have a low sex life?"

MissHayleyJames 7

They're actually not used in thoroughbreds. That's one breed where you are banned from using them if you plan on the baby being a racehorse. The Jockey Club which oversees racing and breeding only allows live cover. Quarter horses however use it more than any other breed. All my horses are bred that way. It's a lot safer.

No one came up with it, therefore, profitable.

natewilson 9

You're ******* retarded.

You know, it sounds like a good idea, what saving people from having to do that, but I could see the trial phases going horribly, horribly wrong.

Yeah like when they test it on a grizzly bear. Or even better..... A moose.

He should go on Shark Tank with that lmao

"I shall demonstrate here on this horse that has been separated from its wife for a few weeks now"

RedPillSucks 31

Sounds like the video of the horse ******* some guy. I think that did "end" horribly wrong.

alexaaat 0