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Revelation time

By Anonymous - 21/11/2009 12:56 - Finland

Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 415

You deserved it 22 074

By me - 22/09/2013 13:34 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 414

You deserved it 8 543

By InAnAwkwardSituation - 25/08/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 412

You deserved it 3 041

By Anonymous - 08/03/2013 10:51 - United States - Irvine

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 412

You deserved it 2 536

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 2 730

By theamericandream - 25/01/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 410

You deserved it 2 933

By Got_any_grapes1 - 11/04/2011 17:23 - United States

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 410

You deserved it 20 254

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 19:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 410

You deserved it 5 729

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 01:25 - United States - West Babylon

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 408

You deserved it 7 216

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 401

You deserved it 4 280

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 20:23

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 401

You deserved it 7 768

By vballqt201 - 21/06/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 400

You deserved it 17 289

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 400

You deserved it 5 422

By leastitwasntsurpriseanal - 22/08/2014 20:26 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 399

You deserved it 3 506

By AtomicDiamond87 - 19/08/2013 19:55 - United States - Toppenish

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 397

You deserved it 3 852

AtomicDiamond87 tells us more.

AtomicDiamond87 15

Tuesday 20 August 2013 15:26

OP here. Well She didn't say it as a joke. She's always been a let down. But thank you all for the good comments. No I don't cheat. I love my boyfriend. Been together almost two years. Didn't plan for a baby because the doctors told him he wasn't able. He's so happy. And i'm always tired. Ad for the woman who also have mother in law problems keep your heads up :)

Sax appeal

By blackcarnation - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 396

You deserved it 3 835

Keep your eyes peeled

By "ironyyyyyyy" -_- - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marion

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness about pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 393

You deserved it 6 366

Quick Stop

By poopy pants - 08/04/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 391

You deserved it 8 739

By effiestonem154 - 02/04/2013 21:14 - United States

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 388

You deserved it 2 871

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 387

You deserved it 2 481

By Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/09/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 387

You deserved it 4 219

By pennyhater - 07/10/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I'm the RA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 383

You deserved it 5 019

Chilling

By BondingTime - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 382

You deserved it 4 210

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 12:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I feel massively depressed, but I can't talk to anyone about it as I'm British. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 380

You deserved it 11 554

By lonelyandbored - 31/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 380

You deserved it 11 211

Too many JCS videos

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 377

You deserved it 7 988

By Anonymous - 05/08/2014 11:55 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 377

You deserved it 3 842

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 377

You deserved it 3 463

Fast turnover

By EnglandRocks - 12/03/2015 18:03 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, it is the one-year anniversary of my mother's death. It's also the day my father chose to announce his engagement, to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 376

You deserved it 2 765

By Yupppp. - 11/02/2015 06:25 - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 376

You deserved it 5 302

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The Top

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 563

You deserved it 16 339

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 179

You deserved it 12 541

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit." It seems like my manager is maximizing his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 553

You deserved it 679

Today, I found out I've been adulting too long when I noticed that the bags at Smart & Final are shorter than the last time I was here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 166

Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 377

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to the movies. She replies, "Sorry I have to do stuff with my parents" Her mum calls and by mistake my girlfriend pressed loud speaker, the first thing her mum said was "Be back at 11". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 131

You deserved it 2 574