Health: Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son.... - FML

By hairy - 30/09/2013 21:59 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 328

You deserved it 3 812

Stop talking!

Good kid

Scammers gonna scam

By fuck you right back, cockspit - 14/02/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 8 307

By MCMB33 - 01/02/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 861

You deserved it 3 066

By love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 412

You deserved it 5 269

Booty pic

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 08:01 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 1 082

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 05:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 062

You deserved it 6 416

By Gavin - 20/02/2012 21:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 703

You deserved it 4 661

By Stevarious - 10/07/2015 15:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 312

You deserved it 2 259

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 19:02 - Germany

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 7 289

By wtf - 15/07/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were chatting on MSN. He had to go run down to the corner market but left his webcam on. Shortly after he left I watched his mother steal 60 dollars out of his wallet. He doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 703

You deserved it 3 402

By 360whoroscoped - 16/01/2015 18:05 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 648

You deserved it 3 101

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 03:03

Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 137

By musicalkitcat - 05/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 974

You deserved it 3 346

By JJ - 03/10/2015 07:42 - United States - Irwin

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 462

You deserved it 4 442

By ProneToBlondeMoments - 05/10/2009 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 251

You deserved it 5 109

By skinnybitch - 11/12/2012 18:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 873

You deserved it 6 528

By amireallyloved - 17/02/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 3 474

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 04:57 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 628

You deserved it 17 459

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 300

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 704

You deserved it 16 466

By mommy_issues - 29/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 080

You deserved it 4 513

By anonymous - 17/07/2014 02:46 - United States - Romulus

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 920

You deserved it 5 206

By badluck - 21/07/2014 19:31 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 289

You deserved it 5 734

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 3 436

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 525

You deserved it 1 325

By aireun - 09/07/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 41 964

By outofajob - 01/01/2015 23:03 - United States - Farmington

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 482

You deserved it 2 811

Meep Meep

By MeepMeep - 08/04/2018 01:30

Today, I had to do a Google Image search to prove to my 32-year-old husband that road runners are real animals, and not just made up for Looney Toons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 690

You deserved it 444

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 16:01

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 06:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 011

You deserved it 52 834

By bestiality? do I look like a pig? - 26/05/2013 20:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 131

You deserved it 18 291

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 384

You deserved it 5 184

By FlorenceD - 12/08/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 416

You deserved it 10 806

By that_culinary_degree_though - 13/05/2014 02:46 - United States - Auburn

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 291

You deserved it 5 120

By LadyGagasLOVER - 08/08/2010 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 694

You deserved it 3 509

Tense

By pizzacat - 22/09/2010 08:49 - Australia

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 8 339

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 2 250

By Anonymous - 06/12/2015 15:36 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 1 892

By first time at McDonald's in months... - 27/03/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 159

You deserved it 19 286

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 764

You deserved it 5 176

By jm_track - 26/02/2011 22:59 - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 991

You deserved it 35 334

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Top comments

fooltemptress 36

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:09

Time to get your chest waxed! Rip them right off ;)

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:09

That's an odd one :s

Comments

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:09

That's an odd one :s

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:24

Lets hope they don't migrate "south"

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:42

Yeah, bet that'd make OP crabby... Get it? Cuz he'll have crabs... Heh.. No? Okay :<

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:59

Actually he'd have pubic lice....

Futacy 29

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 3:09

I'm still kinda wondering why OP's son has his head in his mom/dad's chest :/

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 7:13

you obviously don't have children....my son cuddles into me all the time. Kids like to cuddle with there parents, so I don't see why this is so strange

tjv3 10

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Thursday 3 October 2013 2:15

My best friend had a full mountain man beard and his kids got lice. He is now clean shaven

kittykat1501 31

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Thursday 2 July 2015 17:52

I luv your picture

fooltemptress 36

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:09

Time to get your chest waxed! Rip them right off ;)

Send a private message

Tuesday 1 October 2013 10:52

Or just shave it..that seems much more logical..

fooltemptress 36

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 16:52

Logical but not as much fun! A lot of women endure the "joys" of getting waxed. It's always fun to watch a man go through it. And yes, I might have a tiny bit of a sadist streak in me, why do you ask? >.>

blinkingstarlet 15

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Thursday 23 January 2014 18:15

55 lmao i was thinking the same thing. rip 'em out! lol

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:09

Time for a shave!

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:10

FYL. At least you can still use the special shampoo on it.

thisawkwardchick 15

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:10

*shudder* oh that's nastay.

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:10

Go 40 year old virgin on your chest

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:32

Kelly Clarkson!!

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Wednesday 2 October 2013 5:15

looking like a man-o-lantern

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:10

I bet those feel comfy. Lol

JulianaBlackburn 19

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:11

Well that is a HAIRY situation... Anyone? Okay...

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:11

Get out

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:19

Just a heads up in the future, any comment that says "_________" situation will always get thumbed down and shat upon with pure annoyance and hatred.

JulianaBlackburn 19

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 9:38

Just a harmless, albeit distasteful joke. No need for cruel messages. Simply dislike the comment and move on.

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 10:09

Don't worry, 33, we all still love you. We're just trying to save you, unlike other FML users who don't listen and still continue to post crappy comments.

DalekWarrior26 9

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Saturday 4 April 2015 4:20

haha lol

Geekyandproud 19

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:13

Can I ask HOW this happened?

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:20

No.

stardustjunkie 12

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 11:15

Just like when a kid gives another kid lice. Close contact will cause the lice to get passed on, and by the looks of it, OP cares enough about his son to come into close contact with him. What's so hard to understand about that?

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:43

Daddy has his shirt off because it's hot outside. Son gets hurt and starts crying. Daddy picks him up and soothes him, or just hugs him, the lice decide to jump from son's head to daddy's chest hair... That's one way out of many.

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Tuesday 1 October 2013 8:13

OP, Good luck.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87