Fast turnover

By EnglandRocks - 12/03/2015 18:03 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, it is the one-year anniversary of my mother's death. It's also the day my father chose to announce his engagement, to the whole family. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 308
You deserved it 2 756

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

Go to his fiancé when he's not around, say "you know, it's the anniversary of my moms death today, and he doesn't seem to care... Try imagining how much he really cares for you. If you think that's a lot, just think, when you die, he'll care just as much." And walk away. Let that thought sink in :P

Bree12345 15

Very inconsiderate


Bree12345 15

Very inconsiderate

I don't particularly think it is. I mean, it's obvious he planned it for one reason or another. But maybe it was his way to say he was done grieving and to accept it and move on in the one year mark. I know OP might still be grieving and that is why OP feels it was disrespectful (which is totally fine and justified to think that way), but you have to also consider the fathers side.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

to grieve, find someone new, get to know them, then get engage to them all in a years time is WAY too fast, inconsiderable, and disrespect to the family and even your previous passed spouse because that just shows they didn't mean that much to you and you can move on very quickly without the death really affecting you. I don't know what your dad is thinking op, maybe he is in such denial and he's trying to survive whichever way he can find that makes him feel somewhat whole again.

Whether he was done grieving is irrelevant, he announced it to people who clearly aren't done grieving. And guess what? A year is a very short amount of time to overcome the loss of a parent. Totally irresponsible and uncaring on his part.

75 - so how long is an appropriate time to grieve? The question's answer is entirely subjective. So, the dad is selfish for getting over it in a reasonable time, but the kids aren't selfish for wanting him not to get over it and to suffer for way over a year? It makes no sense. Everyone grieves differently and he may just not need to for as long. I'm sure the mother wouldn't want any of the family to suffer over her death for years and years.

88 - Obviously you have never lost someone close to you. You don't get over it in a year. Technically OPs dad got over it in less than a year since he was dating this woman before the one year mark. Although something tells me OPs dad isn't over his wife, he just can't stand to be alone and wants to have a woman fill the gap in his heart. Still, very inconsiderate doing it on the one year anniversary. Which anyone who has lost someone close knows is the hardest time.

ChopSuey444 20

The inconsiderate part of the timing is choosing to announce it on that particular day. Not necessarily the time frame it took him to move on. Even if it had been a few years, a person remembers the day they lost a loved one. Announcing your new engagement on that day after ANY length of time would be inconsiderate of your children's feelings

88 - I lost a close uncle to suicide. So yes, I actually do know what it's like. It sucks more than anything else you can deal with but eventually you realize that being sad 24/7 isn't what they would want and there's nothing you can do to change the reality of what happened. Only to move forward. Maybe that's why I can relate to the dad more than you can. I'm not denying the fact that it was disrespectful to others who are still grieving. I said that in my first post. I'm just looking at it from the dad's perspective.

what if her mom was sick for a long time and mom told dad not to stay alone? it never said mom died suddenly... still, it's not the best way but maybe he was also nervous about telling OP and nessed it up because of it...

it's not about grieving and getting over. It is about announcing on the same day as the death anniversary. Now come on! Maybe the dad wasn't the kind who could deal with loneliness and it's perfectly okay but his dick move was to announce it the same day.

75, if the mother passed from a prolonged sickness or something of the like, the grieving process could have started months or even years before the actual death.

I agree. It was inappropriate and maybe even a dick move. But that doesn't call for this level of response. This is basically firing a torpedo with the specific intent to sink their relationship. And that is one hundred percent uncalled for.

DeathBunny8 9

That's assuming the parents were together. They could have been separated long before she passed. His announcing it on that day may have been a way to try to get the family to focus on something less depressing.

Aw, I'm sorry OP. :/

That's messed up. I'm sorry to hear about that. My condolences to you for your mother's passing and your father's ignorance. How in the world are people pressing the YDI button??

foxmatrix15 8

There called trolls. They do it while in a ignorant state of mind just to see how many people will beat the FYL counter. In RL if they did this in person they would be subject to social outkast. It's never ending.

#18, orrrrrr they might've accidentally pressed the YDI button

JustinJK 21

Yeah. I've accidentally hit the ydi button. 6'4 big man hands problems. fat thumbs lol

Some people have a habit of doing it. They do not think & just do it. It is in a very smaller ratio tho, so its fine. This world has more stupids than that!

Some also view it as a thumb down, like a traditional voting system. They read the FML, don't like something about it, hit ydi and keep scrolling.

johnrdz3 24

I just vote so i know which FMLs I've read

I do that too. I want to acknowledge I've read it but don't feel either way. But in that case, I press both buttons.

knoxxx 22

I've also misread FML's and thought it said something that it didn't, and then realized after I had already hit YDI. I vote FML after to try and make up for it a little.

I accidentally hit it. I feel awful about it.

True, don't take it personally. A lot of people on her are just looking for the badges like "Judgemental: You've voted YDI 100 times!"

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Wow #4 you're just as inconsiderate as OP'S dad, that's not something to joke about.

#4 Speaking of awful timing...

Looking back, I probably shouldn't have made such a cruel joke, it was more in regards to not saying something along the lines of "got engaged to his new fiancé." But yeah my Apologies, something's should not be joked about..

Fuck that. I loved the joke. People get so butthurt

That is so cold of your dad to do, I'm really sorry ):

You'd think he could wait a little bit to break the news..

Go to his fiancé when he's not around, say "you know, it's the anniversary of my moms death today, and he doesn't seem to care... Try imagining how much he really cares for you. If you think that's a lot, just think, when you die, he'll care just as much." And walk away. Let that thought sink in :P

assassinbanana0 20

It's not the fiancé's fault her dad was inconsiderate.

why? she had nothing to do with it

Maybe not, but it would get the attention of the fiancé and she might say something to him about what that day was and why he would do that :P

Maybe, but you're more likely to end up alienating both of them, if not out of anger, then out of her humiliation.

#11, #7 isn't trying to say it's the fiancé's fault or anything like that I think she is just trying to say that if he could be so careless to make an announcement like that on the anniversary of OP'S mothers death a women he shared a child with them how much more is he going to care about her.

yeah but all I see this doing is adding tension to a perfectly fine relationship, to me, it just sounds destructive, and reading into the father a little much.

#11/51, it is a bit destructive, but if you think about it, she's the daughter, it was her mother that died, was a grieving time for her on that day and her father made an announcement that he was with another woman and was engaged to her. The daughter has a right to be upset and cause destruction if she wishes. I wouldn't be so pleased either if something like that happened to my family.

7, what if the parents were divorced when the mother passed? At that point, he wouldn't really owe her anything.

#51 how could you possibly think that it's a "perfectly fine" relationship when he didn't even think to take his daughter into consideration when he announced that he was engaged on the anniversary of OP'S mom's death, I agree with #7 I think that OP should say something she has every right to be upset with her dad.

I agree, his timing was inappropriate, how ever, moving on is a big step in grieving, and the dad is doing just that. I would be a bit upset in the same position, but I couldn't see myself ruining my father's happiness (but whatever that's my opinion I'm out)

So because OP's dad does something inconsiderate in OP's opinion, OP should fire back with something vicious and hateful? Wow.

No, but it wouldn't be entirely unfair to let her know the kind of person she's marrying... She might not want to marry someone that blasé about such things...

No, op has the right to be upset. Causing destruction would make her a bitch. While it might be okay to let her know what day it is, putting doubt or trying to ruin their relationship would make her just as bad as the father. He should have waited to announce it, but perhaps he was trying to put give good news, oblivious to the pain it caused. Whatever the reason OP has no right to try to destroy some one else's relationship, family or not.

Damn, that's evil! I like it!

CaroAurelia 12

That's a little harsh. Unless the fiancée was the mistress and knew she was the mistress, it's really not her fault her betrothed is a clod. I would find a nicer way to warn her.

There is no direct indication of this in the FML, but statistically the fiancee might not be too worried about what he will say at her funeral, If you catch my drift.

You don't cause destruction no matter what.

Octwo 16

Attempting to sabotage someone's relationship as revenge for an inappropriate announcement is extremely childish. I would hope that the OP has more integrity than that. No one likes a manipulative sociopath.

Hold on, I don't think this little thing makes it justifiable to ruin his new marriage

great timing pops -.-

Yea that's wasn't a smart idea he could have waited a week....

Not only is that terribly inconsiderate, but that's a dick move, especially on a one year anniversary. You have my condolences OP.