Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer... - FML

By theamericandream - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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Commando

Surprise strike

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

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By Noname - Philippines

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

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By gimp. - United States

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

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By nicklesg - United States

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

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By D.J. - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

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By gonavybeatarmy - United States - San Diego

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

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By msamberjade - United States - Columbus

New movie

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

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By yobruh

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

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By whereismyprince? - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

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By OCDrunk - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

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By mad dude

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

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By Bryan - 30/9/2020 17:01 - United States

You had to ask

Today, I was working out with my trainer. A question popped up in my mind, so I asked if she had to deal with fat people a lot. She then responded, "I'm working with you, aren't I?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Homer Glen

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML

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By brittgreen - United States

Today, I was supposed to catch a ride with a friend and go to Warped Tour with her. She called at the last minute to say she was sick, so I told her we didn't have to go. I just got a text saying she just got pictures and autographs with the band I especially wanted to see. FML

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By brycepetrillo - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - White Plains

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight this shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow and I tugged to hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

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By U_U - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

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By RedFace - United States

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

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By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

They targeted gamers!

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

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By letmefallasleep

Checks and balances

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

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By anon - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

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By veebenjoo - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

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By salt. - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

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By painedandpissed - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

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By Fmyhair - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

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By Neversleepingthereagain - United States - Manchester

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

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By MicachuPikachu - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like the customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came from my own pocket. FML

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By Lola - France

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

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Top comments

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

COMMENTS

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

Reply

VacuumNinja | 0

#826682 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:39

I think by "another guy," OP meant a guy in addition to her boyfriend. He's a guy, the queer he banged was another guy. But FYL.

Reply

Messi10Barca | 0

#3801405 - Thursday 29 December 2011 5:22

- applause-

Reply

subwoofa | 0

#3844223 - Saturday 7 January 2012 10:22

Good point. 10 points for griffindor

Reply

Voldy_fml | 16

#4304744 - Saturday 14 April 2012 18:12

Gryffindor^

Reply

misshelena129 | 10

#4768741 - Friday 3 August 2012 18:12

Ravenclaw?

Reply

icho91 | 0

#4827390 - Friday 17 August 2012 21:51

Also because a guy would never tell a girl to set up his computer for him

Reply

NeonPopRocks | 14

#5178201 - Friday 23 November 2012 19:02

62- I know more about computers than all of the boys in my class.

By bowener12 | 0

#362 - Friday 6 February 2009 2:41

Hey Choco dick, eat a bowl of dick. Probly ain't even black. You ain't down like ME! get yo shit togetha. punk. PS that bitch totally fucked. she damn made a guy gay. stupid bitch-ass lesbian.

By Mtti | 0

#1298 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 13:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1601762 - Monday 25 October 2010 16:28

Mac is awesome

By stupidLes | 0

#5512 - Sunday 22 February 2009 22:52

Leave him, if you have never cheated on him during 3y...

By ned_schneebley | 0

#6078 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:02

thats a fucked situation.

Reply

mittensbum16 | 0

#941846 - Saturday 13 March 2010 9:49

yessssssss children of bodem

Reply

cameron194 | 9

#5170278 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:53

Huh ?:S

By cobrakid77678 | 0

#8803 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:55

shit! i was that other guy! felt good to have his 8=D in my ( )( )

By scb197 | 0

#14929 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:50

ned_schneebley
love the name :)

By JFox | 8

#20424 - Sunday 8 March 2009 1:06

Your first clue should've been him buying a Mac.

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5075523 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 10:28

Shut up

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

Reply

Nine001 | 0

#1697608 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:03

Your gay because you used that face.

By deuce_wild | 0

#29728 - Friday 13 March 2009 14:02

that has to be the most awkward situation. not to many people have the opportunity to see pictures of there boyfriend fucking or getting fucked by another guy wile standing rite beside them.