Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer... - FML

By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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Instadrama

This is us

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 23:42 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

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By StayPositive - 3/11/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2013 01:44 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

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By Rae - 30/7/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

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By whymomwhy - 11/7/2015 17:20 - United States - Salem

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 21:17 - United States - Euless

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

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By Tyler - 19/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

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By Idigrespectfulattire - 18/3/2015 00:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 07:55 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

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By verycre8tive - 21/5/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2013 06:52 - United States - Orlando

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML

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By TipsyTj - 29/3/2016 13:05 - Canada - Kentville

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

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By The_Rest_of_the_Story - 14/12/2013 06:38 - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

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By stinkypits - 23/6/2020 14:00

The pits

Today, I started six weeks of radiation on my left axillary region. Besides not being able to shave my armpit, I also can’t use lotion of any kind near the area, nor wear deodorant. This wouldn’t be a problem except it’s summer and I live in Southern California. The sweat is killing me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 15:05 - United States - Fishers

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

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By Cindy - 20/3/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

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By naughtymommy0317 - 20/6/2013 08:47 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

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By fuck my goddamn life - 15/2/2014 20:51 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

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By crazystar69 - 9/3/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

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By Thomas P. - 27/8/2016 16:49

Today, I parked in my "employee of the month" parking spot by the front of the store and started my shift. About halfway through my shift, a customer backed into my vehicle, got out and checked, then drove off before I could come outside. Perks of being the best employee I can be. FML

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By Alien - 29/12/2016 11:07 - Switzerland

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

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By okeythen - 30/6/2013 05:03 - United States - Orlando

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

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By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 16:05 - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

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By Dana - 16/11/2018 15:30

Today, I told my son if he wanted the new internet password he had to clean his room. I then caught him disconnecting my laptop from the internet. Turns out he changed the password months ago and now if I want the new password he wants £50. I ended up paying. I'm actually proud of the sneaky sod. FML

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By Cammy - 29/4/2009 07:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

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By erjazo - 31/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Morris

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2019 14:06

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML

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By noway - 22/3/2015 04:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

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By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

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By lonely_island - 28/4/2014 21:27 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 17:11 - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

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By - 28/4/2019 05:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I made plans with my boyfriend for some "alone time" after work. I then stepped on some black ice in the parking lot, landed on my head, and got sent to the ER. Per protocol, until cleared by a specialist, I am not permitted to work. Or drive. Or drink. Or do anything "strenuous". FML

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By Luckless - 23/2/2019 04:00

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

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By HitbyIce - 7/2/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

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Top comments

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

Comments

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

Reply

VacuumNinja | 0

#826682 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:39

I think by "another guy," OP meant a guy in addition to her boyfriend. He's a guy, the queer he banged was another guy. But FYL.

Reply

Messi10Barca | 0

#3801405 - Thursday 29 December 2011 5:22

- applause-

Reply

subwoofa | 0

#3844223 - Saturday 7 January 2012 10:22

Good point. 10 points for griffindor

Reply

Voldy_fml | 16

#4304744 - Saturday 14 April 2012 18:12

Gryffindor^

Reply

misshelena129 | 10

#4768741 - Friday 3 August 2012 18:12

Ravenclaw?

Reply

icho91 | 0

#4827390 - Friday 17 August 2012 21:51

Also because a guy would never tell a girl to set up his computer for him

Reply

NeonPopRocks | 14

#5178201 - Friday 23 November 2012 19:02

62- I know more about computers than all of the boys in my class.

By bowener12 | 0

#362 - Friday 6 February 2009 2:41

Hey Choco dick, eat a bowl of dick. Probly ain't even black. You ain't down like ME! get yo shit togetha. punk. PS that bitch totally fucked. she damn made a guy gay. stupid bitch-ass lesbian.

By Mtti | 0

#1298 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 13:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1601762 - Monday 25 October 2010 16:28

Mac is awesome

By stupidLes | 0

#5512 - Sunday 22 February 2009 22:52

Leave him, if you have never cheated on him during 3y...

By ned_schneebley | 0

#6078 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:02

thats a fucked situation.

Reply

mittensbum16 | 0

#941846 - Saturday 13 March 2010 9:49

yessssssss children of bodem

Reply

cameron194 | 9

#5170278 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:53

Huh ?:S

By cobrakid77678 | 0

#8803 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:55

shit! i was that other guy! felt good to have his 8=D in my ( )( )

By scb197 | 0

#14929 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:50

ned_schneebley
love the name :)

By JFox | 8

#20424 - Sunday 8 March 2009 1:06

Your first clue should've been him buying a Mac.

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5075523 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 10:28

Shut up

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

Reply

Nine001 | 0

#1697608 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:03

Your gay because you used that face.

By deuce_wild | 0

#29728 - Friday 13 March 2009 14:02

that has to be the most awkward situation. not to many people have the opportunity to see pictures of there boyfriend fucking or getting fucked by another guy wile standing rite beside them.