Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer... - FML

By theamericandream - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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Messed up

The student becomes the master

Weird kid

By pubquizgenius - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

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By lonely - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

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By WorthLessThanACareer

Today, the guy I've been dating said we couldn't see each other anymore because he needed to focus on his career. He's unemployed. FML

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By winnerwinner - United States

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

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By fatflabbyfail - United States

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

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By Out of Ice Cream - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

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By AlienZ - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

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By toastedguy - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

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By whatislife1969

Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 23:01

Let's go girls!

Today, someone said that women shouldn’t hate their menstrual cycles, because the hormonal changes were so "interesting". Sure, that’s the word I’d use for alternating between cramps and zits, being an insatiable nymphomaniac, and being so depressed I want to die. FML

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By ostler - United Kingdom

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

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By fihifgni210 - United States

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

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By flowerchildd2 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

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By Mintspice

Today, a girl I've liked for months agreed to go to a movie. We were going to see Captain Marvel, but missed the show time, so we saw Five Feet Apart. Blessing in disguise, right? Wrong. She cried while holding my hand as she talked about how in love she is with another girl. FML

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By charpanda007 - Hong Kong

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

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By rplovez - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 6 years, two raises and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

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By j.b. - United States

Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

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By workworkwork - United States

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

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By jess - 29/7/2020 20:02

Empathy

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

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By can't breathe - Australia

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

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By Anonymous

Bird song

Today, I figured I've been watching too many horror films, due to my parrot mimicking a women's blood-curdling screams that he heard in a movie. How do I know? He decided to reproduce the screams at 3 a.m. FML

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By Not-so-sexy - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

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By OverWorked1 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

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By figures - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

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By ajdown - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

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By claubea11 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

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By nakcba

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

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By DEAD inside - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

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By KimberleyIrene - Canada

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a job I interviewed for. The guy called me and told me I got it. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" He responded with "You're welcome Emily". My name isn't Emily, it's Kim. He got the numbers mixed up. FML

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By wtf3456 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

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By wtf did I do - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

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Top comments

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

COMMENTS

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

Reply

VacuumNinja | 0

#826682 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:39

I think by "another guy," OP meant a guy in addition to her boyfriend. He's a guy, the queer he banged was another guy. But FYL.

Reply

Messi10Barca | 0

#3801405 - Thursday 29 December 2011 5:22

- applause-

Reply

subwoofa | 0

#3844223 - Saturday 7 January 2012 10:22

Good point. 10 points for griffindor

Reply

Voldy_fml | 16

#4304744 - Saturday 14 April 2012 18:12

Gryffindor^

Reply

misshelena129 | 10

#4768741 - Friday 3 August 2012 18:12

Ravenclaw?

Reply

icho91 | 0

#4827390 - Friday 17 August 2012 21:51

Also because a guy would never tell a girl to set up his computer for him

Reply

NeonPopRocks | 14

#5178201 - Friday 23 November 2012 19:02

62- I know more about computers than all of the boys in my class.

By bowener12 | 0

#362 - Friday 6 February 2009 2:41

Hey Choco dick, eat a bowl of dick. Probly ain't even black. You ain't down like ME! get yo shit togetha. punk. PS that bitch totally fucked. she damn made a guy gay. stupid bitch-ass lesbian.

By Mtti | 0

#1298 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 13:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1601762 - Monday 25 October 2010 16:28

Mac is awesome

By stupidLes | 0

#5512 - Sunday 22 February 2009 22:52

Leave him, if you have never cheated on him during 3y...

By ned_schneebley | 0

#6078 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:02

thats a fucked situation.

Reply

mittensbum16 | 0

#941846 - Saturday 13 March 2010 9:49

yessssssss children of bodem

Reply

cameron194 | 9

#5170278 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:53

Huh ?:S

By cobrakid77678 | 0

#8803 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:55

shit! i was that other guy! felt good to have his 8=D in my ( )( )

By scb197 | 0

#14929 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:50

ned_schneebley
love the name :)

By JFox | 8

#20424 - Sunday 8 March 2009 1:06

Your first clue should've been him buying a Mac.

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5075523 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 10:28

Shut up

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

Reply

Nine001 | 0

#1697608 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:03

Your gay because you used that face.

By deuce_wild | 0

#29728 - Friday 13 March 2009 14:02

that has to be the most awkward situation. not to many people have the opportunity to see pictures of there boyfriend fucking or getting fucked by another guy wile standing rite beside them.