Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer... - FML

By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

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Dangling modifier

Great speech, thanks!

The cheek of some people

By foo - 1/2/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

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By my bad - 24/9/2020 01:58 - United States

Brain fart

Today, I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. Not knowing him very well, I accidentally called him by her ex’s name. He took that as a sign she was still seeing the ex and dumped her on the spot. She’s now not speaking to me for ruining her life. I’m just bad with names. FML

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By 11niko - 2/2/2012 04:57 - United States

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

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By noyodel - 4/7/2009 04:04 - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

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By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2016 03:22 - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

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By daddy-to-be - 20/3/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

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By Fire_Princess16 - 17/10/2017 04:20

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

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By Hopeless - 8/2/2011 03:22

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

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By photoman - 14/7/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

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By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

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By - 5/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

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By seb21 - 9/2/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

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By anon - 18/3/2011 12:36

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

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By jakestorm - 4/9/2019 20:00

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

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By strawberry - 17/11/2015 17:51 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

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By mvgirl - 22/10/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

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By butisavedyourkid - 6/6/2013 04:13 - United States

Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML

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By kittybad - 23/6/2013 05:05 - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

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By - 3/3/2017 12:00

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. Couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2016 16:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

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By Kimberly - 22/10/2009 12:26 - France

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

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By random - 29/4/2013 21:11 - Canada

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

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By toelie - 3/3/2018 19:00

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

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By laterchoice - 2/10/2010 04:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she is still in love with the guy she cheated on me with. She admitted that she would be willing to do anything with him if he wanted to. And, "He's a better kisser too." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2017 20:00

Sashay away!

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

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By Where is it coming from?! - 10/6/2014 02:46 - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2010 17:24 - Lebanon

Today, while cleaning around the house, I found a black bra that wasn’t mine. I confronted my husband about it, which turned into a massive fight. It turned out that the bra actually belonged to my son’s girlfriend I didn’t know he had. FML

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By devigsgirl - 26/8/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

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By David H. - 23/12/2010 08:18

Check 'em

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

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By Paramedic - 17/11/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML

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By bad luck Bianca - 17/1/2015 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

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By tubby - 21/6/2012 20:28 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

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By ConfusedGinger - 10/11/2016 11:50 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

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Top comments

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

COMMENTS

By TorabisuDandois | 3

#111 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 13:15

I think they are a gay couple because the writer states, "sex with another guy." If it were a straight couple, the writer would/should have said, "sex with a guy." They could still be a straight couple...the writer just needs to learn to clarify better.

Reply

VacuumNinja | 0

#826682 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:39

I think by "another guy," OP meant a guy in addition to her boyfriend. He's a guy, the queer he banged was another guy. But FYL.

Reply

Messi10Barca | 0

#3801405 - Thursday 29 December 2011 5:22

- applause-

Reply

subwoofa | 0

#3844223 - Saturday 7 January 2012 10:22

Good point. 10 points for griffindor

Reply

Voldy_fml | 16

#4304744 - Saturday 14 April 2012 18:12

Gryffindor^

Reply

misshelena129 | 10

#4768741 - Friday 3 August 2012 18:12

Ravenclaw?

Reply

icho91 | 0

#4827390 - Friday 17 August 2012 21:51

Also because a guy would never tell a girl to set up his computer for him

Reply

NeonPopRocks | 14

#5178201 - Friday 23 November 2012 19:02

62- I know more about computers than all of the boys in my class.

By bowener12 | 0

#362 - Friday 6 February 2009 2:41

Hey Choco dick, eat a bowl of dick. Probly ain't even black. You ain't down like ME! get yo shit togetha. punk. PS that bitch totally fucked. she damn made a guy gay. stupid bitch-ass lesbian.

By Mtti | 0

#1298 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 13:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1601762 - Monday 25 October 2010 16:28

Mac is awesome

By stupidLes | 0

#5512 - Sunday 22 February 2009 22:52

Leave him, if you have never cheated on him during 3y...

By ned_schneebley | 0

#6078 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 0:02

thats a fucked situation.

Reply

mittensbum16 | 0

#941846 - Saturday 13 March 2010 9:49

yessssssss children of bodem

Reply

cameron194 | 9

#5170278 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:53

Huh ?:S

By cobrakid77678 | 0

#8803 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:55

shit! i was that other guy! felt good to have his 8=D in my ( )( )

By scb197 | 0

#14929 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:50

ned_schneebley
love the name :)

By JFox | 8

#20424 - Sunday 8 March 2009 1:06

Your first clue should've been him buying a Mac.

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5075523 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 10:28

Shut up

By theanonimouse | 0

#24667 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:22

:< hey... i have a Mac. no need to be hatin'.

Reply

Nine001 | 0

#1697608 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:03

Your gay because you used that face.

By deuce_wild | 0

#29728 - Friday 13 March 2009 14:02

that has to be the most awkward situation. not to many people have the opportunity to see pictures of there boyfriend fucking or getting fucked by another guy wile standing rite beside them.