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The all-time greatest FMLs

The neverending dinner

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 14:00

Today, I was so excited to finally try a new recipe that I found online. After hours of prep, I realized I misread the serving size and ended up cooking enough food to feed a small army. I don't have a freezer and I live in the middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 621

Bad boy

By lukey101 - 27/03/2023 16:00

Today, my puppy celebrated a milestone by lifting his leg to pee for the first time. Too bad it was up against my brand new soft fabric couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 188

Revelations

By Anonymous - 17/12/2024 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, I reached out to my mom to confide in her about possibly leaving my cheating husband. She said, "I think you need to stay married and do what you want on the side. That's what I did. I don't even know if your dad is your dad." Apparently she was cheating on my dad when she got pregnant with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 97

Casual something

By lukey101 - 14/02/2021 18:30 - Australia

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 442

By Croissant - 23/09/2014 06:01 - Japan - Kochi

Today, I’m french and am studying in Japan. One of my teachers, passionate about France, opened a magazine about French bread and asked me if it tasted good. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 122

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 03:00 - United States - Leawood

Today, I finally shared some of my insecurities and difficulties I’m experiencing with a close friend. The response was great, they listened, and gave advice. Later I met another friend, who said that they’re here for me. Everyone was just trying to help, but now almost everyone I know knows. I feel worse than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 199

Giggleloop

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 18:00

Today, I was laughing so hard at, of all things, a parody of a foul-mouthed Scottish Postman Pat on YouTube, that I shat myself a little bit at my in-laws' house. I’m now commando under my skirt, as I had to throw my shitty knickers into a doggy bag in my coat pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 1 113

Joker brain

By RIP Kevin - 28/11/2022 18:00

Today, my mom, who is a huge Batman fan, is still weepy and talking non-stop about Kevin Conroy, as she has been for the past two weeks. After three days it was starting to get excessive; now I think I'm going mad like the Joker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 141

Welcome to the world

By 2nd place - 06/01/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I realized my wife named our newborn son after her ex-boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the abusive, cheating, womanizer ex that she originally described when we first met. To make things better, he was the one that eventually cut her off, not the other way around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 117

That's nuts

By Anonymous - 02/10/2023 14:00

Today, while stressing about our third date, which I had planned to be third date sex night, I binge-ate a bag of peanuts. When he picked me up, the first thing I did was kiss him. He asked me why he could taste peanuts. He never told me he’s allergic. Sex night turned into hospital night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 204

That's entertainment

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 10:00

Today, in the middle of an argument with my wife, our autistic son started calling out tennis scores, which turned out to be his way of keeping score of who was winning the argument. Apparently, by the end, it was 40-love approaching server's deuce point, which I think means I lost the argument badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 239

By Knz - 04/06/2014 04:00 - Morocco - Mohammedia

Today, we attended my daughter’s dance show. When they shut the lights off, my 2 year-old son started to sing “Happy Birthday”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 78

That's kinda handy!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 3 457

First class slob

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 105

He got game

By Facepalm - 17/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband, who lost 250 pounds and has never been healthier, that no, he does not get a pass to sleep around to "make up" for all the sex he missed when he was young and fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 168

Uncomfortable

By Jules - 09/12/2020 08:02 - Germany - Norden

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 115

Thanks, I hate it

By Clara - 23/09/2023 22:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, for my birthday, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a lovingly hand-decorated candle, and my first positive Covid test ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 121

I'm normal, I swear

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 18:01

Today, I was doing weird voice impressions for my friend right before the doorbell rang and I had the front window open. The postman looked at me strangely, handed me my parcel and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 245

Useless

By Albert - 26/04/2020 17:00

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 1 418

Stand your ground

By No justice anywhere - 26/11/2025 12:00

Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 64

Having a whale of a time

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 10:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my boyfriend is packing up his apartment and my parents have gone to a seminar, but I can’t complain about being lonely during the Easter holidays. I'm being kept company by a hundred industrious ants, a very loud cat, and an enthusiastic Aunt Flo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 158

Baby Got Back

By BigBack - 14/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 114

He's having a normal one

By Omydarlin - 16/11/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 112

Booksmart

By Angry Bookworm - 28/12/2022 09:00

Today, my biggest form of entertainment of the week was when I read a blunt, scathing, brutally honest review of an absolutely horrible book I read a few days ago. I need a life. And better books. And friends with better tastes in books. And a bonfire to toss this book into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 308

Ungrateful doggo

By Oww - 20/01/2023 19:00 - United States

Today, my dog was trying to chew on his bone, but he kept losing it because he still has to wear the cone of shame. He eventually lost it completely. When I tried to help him by picking it up, he bit my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 203

Never road head on a first date

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 12:00

Today, I drunkenly gave my date road head while he was driving me home. He must have gotten what he wanted, because that was a week ago and he’s totally ghosted me since. I’ve never felt this cheap and nasty and humiliated in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 1 630

Vengeance is mine

By Anonymous - 22/11/2023 00:01

Today, I wouldn’t let my sister borrow my car, so she told our parents that I’m depressed and threatened to kill myself, which is a lie. My mom is on the phone to 999 trying to get me a 72-hour psychiatric hold in hospital, and every time I say it was a lie, my dad says I’m in typical denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 108

PS I Love You

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 357

Kinda sus

By anonymous - 31/08/2023 08:00

Today, my overly friendly bubbly classmate, who’s like a preschool teacher hopped up on Red Bull, texted me, “Hey honey buns! Wanna meet up early before class and get groovin?!” My husband saw it and insisted that it's code for cheating. I'm not sure how I can explain that she’s just weird and wants to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 121

Alexa, play "Schizophrenia" by Sonic Youth

By But is killing them really that bad? - 14/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, my parents have gone from expecting nearly-impossible things to being convinced I can't do basic tasks. Apparently if you're not schizophrenic you can do things that are ridiculous, and if you're schizophrenic you can't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 147

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The Top

Today, my family is getting ready for a vacation. My idea of a vacation is being on a beach, staying in a luxurious hotel, with cute guys and great restaurants everywhere. Unfortunately, we are going to be sleeping in a cold tent in the mountains, cook over a fire, and listen to bears stomp around at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 676

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me and still played the victim. She went and told her friends that I didn't give her freedom. She said I didn't let her buy a toaster. We had an airfryer with a toast option! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 163

Today, after “talking” and flirting with my team lead for a few months, we started dating and I quit my job, which I really liked, and started working somewhere I didn’t just so we could be together. Now, two weeks after quitting, she breaks up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 1 243

Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 135

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from Bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 493

You deserved it 13 453

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 744

You deserved it 5 700