Bad boy

Get down!

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped two of the cushions. FML

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

Naughty boy

Today, my dog and I came in from an afternoon in the back yard and he immediately shat on the carpet. Way to go boy. FML

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML