Love, Animals, Dogs, My ex and Insulting: Good riddance - FML

Good riddance

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 16:00

Today, after receiving yet again a dozen insulting texts, I realized that my dog has way better grammar than my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 144

Love Animals Dogs My ex Insulting

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 753

You deserved it 2 886

Goblin mode

By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - 14/08/2012 15:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 563

You deserved it 2 325

By hopeless romantic - 14/08/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 160

You deserved it 5 527

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 535

You deserved it 5 909

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 05:25 - United States - Astoria

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 181

You deserved it 3 490

By really? - 23/09/2013 02:24 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 057

You deserved it 4 401

Good boy

By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 613

You deserved it 2 222

Starved

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 554

You deserved it 328

By gothchick201013 - 09/09/2016 18:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 068

You deserved it 1 119

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 239

You deserved it 3 502

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 5 February 2023 21:01

Your dog is sending you grammatically correct insults by the dozen? Are you sure he's not using ChatGPT to help?

49_Donuts 12

Sunday 5 February 2023 17:29

Why is your ex not blocked?

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 33

Sunday 5 February 2023 16:11

Is your dog free to teach a class at summer school this year? My nephew is a dumbass.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 5 February 2023 16:14

Block your ex.

49_Donuts 12

Sunday 5 February 2023 17:29

Why is your ex not blocked?

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 5 February 2023 21:01

Your dog is sending you grammatically correct insults by the dozen? Are you sure he's not using ChatGPT to help?

poopface82 16

Monday 6 February 2023 2:35

At least you got out before you ended up having to mutter, “I married her?” every time you interact with her. Which you’re forced to. Because you have children together. At least I hope that’s true.

Keywords

Kids Mental health Parents Food Work Health Miscellaneous Annoying Cooking Gross Plumbing Cute Party Awkward Surprise Nature Dogs Animals Babysitter Intimacy Sextoys Cheating Love Holidays Insulting AITA Instagram Social Media Sex Neighbours

The Top

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 958

You deserved it 62 427

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 490

You deserved it 15 184

The Top

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 025

You deserved it 5 244

Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 166

Today, at Starbucks, I complimented the awkward nerdy barista's name tag because of the funny Sonic decorations on it. The dude took it as me flirting and gave me my drink with Sonic drawn on it. I had applied to work there and now I can't go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 539

You deserved it 2 017

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 581

You deserved it 3 937

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 607

You deserved it 3 214

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 059

You deserved it 2 871