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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonyme - 01/08/2015 04:51 - Japan - Iruma

Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I selected a lovely looking bowl of rice with slices of squid. I was served some ice cream. With squid. On a unidentified white mousse. I’m still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 131

The cake from hell

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 18:00

Today, I tried to bake a cake for my friend's birthday. It turned out looking more like a science experiment gone wrong than a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 210

FML's Who's Responsible #3

By Louis - 18/04/2017 21:30 - France - Paris

Construction work is quite hard work. Check out this selection for proof.

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 162

Shame about the view

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I was admiring my nice clean windows. Our window cleaners have to abseil down my apartment building to get it done, so they don't come often, as it's a big job. I was enjoying the sparkling view, until a seagull shat right across my window. Guess I'm looking at that for months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 110

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had a date with someone I met online. We agreed to meet at a nice restaurant. I got there early, ordered a drink, and waited. And waited. An hour later, I texted to ask where he was. His response? "I’ve been watching you from my car for the last hour. Decided you’re not my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 107

In vain

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 08:01 - Germany - Teningen

Today, I found out that I chose a wrong class and my 30-page paper worth 10 credit points that I wrote for that class is basically worthless now, and my graduation might be postponed another semester just because of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 593

Here comes trouble

By Anonymous - 11/11/2023 01:02

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's new friend is actually her "replacement". They met a few months ago, and she's really cool, we share the same interests, it's nice to spend time with her, etc., but my girlfriend planned to break up with me and "trained" her because she doesn't want me to be lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 145

Sorry

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 00:01

Today, I vented a lot to my niece about serious things via text message but I didn't reply to hers since I was asleep. She assumed I'd killed myself and called everyone I know, and had a full blown panic attack. And she has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 469

Useful friends

By The One - 28/08/2021 05:01 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, after having a fight with my BFF, she invited me to come along to a party. I found out later that she'd only invited me so that when returning from the event, we could take a taxi and split the cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 114

ETA? No idea!

By Anonymous - 31/03/2023 02:00

Today, I was running late for an important meeting and couldn't find my car keys. After searching around for way too long, I finally realised where they were - in the pocket of the pants I'd worn the day before, which were now spinning around in the now-unstoppable, two-hour washing machine cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 418

Tell us more

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Chicago Ridge

Today, I went to get an MRI for preventive care. The diagnosis was great, but I ended up having complications with the contrast, so now I have terrible muscle pain and have to see more doctors. I have mixed feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 113

Get back here!

By Fucker - 10/10/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to propose to my girlfriend when some scumbag snatched the ring and bolted. I chased him down, tackled him, and punched him until he gave the ring back. Now my girl is upset, crying, "What if he was hungry and needed to buy food? You didn't have to hurt him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 87

Time to move on

By Anonymous - 27/09/2023 00:02

Today, I found out my ex is getting married. She only left me 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 158

ESP like… telepathic?

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 17:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, I'm tired, on Benadryl, temporarily moved into my mom’s house because my roommate chose to get an ESP dog who sheds, even though I told them I'm anaphylactic crazy allergic. They won’t get rid of the dog and I can’t afford to break the lease. I'm also flunking all my classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 159

Irrational fears

By emelie000 - 29/07/2022 14:00

Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 211

i'm still a human being

By ;-; - 29/04/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I took my hoodie off in public and my shirt accidentally lifted up with it. I've had bad skin problems since I was 12 or 13, and my chest looks horrific as a result. Everyone in my vicinity reacted with horror and called me all sorts of awful names. Nice to know that my appearance makes me that repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 122

My loneliness is killing me

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 18:00

Today, I realized the most consistent friends I have are on weekly Disney+ Marvel and Star Wars shows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 268

Overreaction much?

By Broke af - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, while at work in a medical office, I had the itchiest and most distracting bug bite. I went the supply closet and got an alcohol cleansing wipe to help cool it off. It worked great but I was then fired for theft for using what costs less than a tenth of a cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 111

Not what you think

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 06:00

Today, I was running late to work so I started getting dressed and brushing my teeth. I got to work 5 minutes late, which is when noticed a toothpaste stain on my shirt. I thought it looked identical to a cum stain, and the worst part was I was wearing black, so it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 255

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 18:00

Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 188

/r/nothingeverhappens/

By Fuck off! - 25/05/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I told a story about a new mother naming her daughter after the first thing she saw moments after she was born. The group admins accused me of lying, with absolutely zero proof, and deleted the post. The story is 100% true. My mother and I witnessed it with our own two eyes and ears. Fuck these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 212

It's a dangerous day for our little friend...

By FML Approved - 19/07/2017 18:54

It's National Hotdog Day!

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 204

Mothman is real

By NOT THE BEES...oh - 29/08/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, there's a moth in my house, who either does nothing, or flies around like it just ate enough sugar for one lifetime. Every time I see it, I think it's a wasp and, being deathly afraid of them, I go into a full-blown panic attack until the sight of it bumping into light bulbs brings me back to reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 391

I am hungry

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 3 184

The pros and cons of dating

By Fun but pointless date - 28/08/2023 20:00

Today, I went on a blind date. It turned out that the person who I was set up with was my ex's sibling. We spent the whole evening talking about how terrible my ex is. I'm still single, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 143

Magic!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 15:00 - Ireland

Today, we had a family gathering at my mom's house. I offered to bring dessert, and I was very proud of my homemade cheesecake. As I set it on the table, my uncle decided to do a magic trick with it and make it disappear onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 80

By Zizisouriant - 02/02/2014 17:28 - France

Today, my hubby found it funny to draw a smiling face out of nail polish on his penis. He found it much less funny when I had to use nail polish remover to take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 160

Football blues

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 03:00 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I noticed a text from a few days ago, and it appears that even my therapist sends me memes about how bad the Dallas Cowboys are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 292

Honey, time to move

By Anonymous - 24/07/2024 11:00

Today, I told my mom that I’m pregnant. My husband and I live in a cottage on her land, and her actual words were, “Well you better abort it, because you’re not having any baby in my cottage. The piss, shit, and sick will ruin the resale value.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 196

Thanks for nothing

By BrittanyP - 25/06/2023 12:00

Today, after being so jaded by failed relationships, I'd given a guy who slid into my Facebook Messenger a chance. We'd entered the talking stage, only to be told four months later that he’s found a girlfriend, and no longer wants to continue this interaction and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 287

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 837

You deserved it 3 872

Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 487

You deserved it 1 569

Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 288

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 364

You deserved it 1 673

Today, while I was playing Walkabout Mini Golf on my Meta Quest headset, my battery ran low. I plugged it in the slot, only to learn a valuable lesson about three hours later: The headset doesn't charge if you leave it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 003

Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 114