Today, I'd like to thank Alexa for my notification, saying ”You bought a 4-pound bag of Jawbreakers recently, would you like to share your feedback with Amazon prime customers?" My wife heard the message and laughed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML
Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML
Today, while having a romantic dinner at home with my date, my Alexa randomly asked, “Would you like to reorder adult diapers?” She then followed up with, “You last ordered them two months ago.” I don't have kids. I don't have grandparents. I don't have an explanation. FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I was having a heated argument with my boyfriend over the phone. Mid-sentence, I yelled, “You never listen to me!” Alexa, from across the room, replied, “I’m listening.” My boyfriend started laughing so hard that he hung up. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, after lecturing my daughter about being responsible with her money, she got a package from Amazon. What was in it? A lamp shaped like toast. She already has a lamp. FML
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Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
Hey at least it was a bag of jawbreakers and not a pack of condoms :)
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Comments (1)
SirEnigM0nk 22
Hey at least it was a bag of jawbreakers and not a pack of condoms :)