By GianniJonas - 18/6/2021 10:56

Unrequited

Today, after spending $300 on a plane ticket, roses, chocolate-coated strawberries to surprise the girl I’m in love with, she still won’t see me as more than a friend, due to her trust issues from her past relationships. She thinks I’ll hurt her like they did and "ruin the friendship." FML
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By  ekk100  |  6

Sorry to be harsh but she doesn't want to be with you. This isn't about her trust issues, or any other reason she gives in an effort to let you down gently. She has already told you she doesn't want to be with you and then you turn up out of the blue with flowers and strawberries. That is not romantic that is terrifying!
We have too many romantic films that tell us people need to be 'won over', or that people say 'no' but really they mean 'yes but you need to try harder'. That is not real life. Go home and think about whether you are happy to always just be friends with this woman or if ending contact is the best thing. And next time somebody says 'no', believe them.

By  Blimix  |  6

Women often don't feel safe giving a flat "no". They'll give excuses -- which may turn out to be false as soon as she's dating someone else -- because they don't know which men are unsafe to turn down. If you're continuing to press for a relationship after she has already turned you down, then you have given her more than enough reason to mistrust you. Stop scaring her. Just be her friend or go away.

COMMENTS
By  ekk100  |  6

Sorry to be harsh but she doesn't want to be with you. This isn't about her trust issues, or any other reason she gives in an effort to let you down gently. She has already told you she doesn't want to be with you and then you turn up out of the blue with flowers and strawberries. That is not romantic that is terrifying!
We have too many romantic films that tell us people need to be 'won over', or that people say 'no' but really they mean 'yes but you need to try harder'. That is not real life. Go home and think about whether you are happy to always just be friends with this woman or if ending contact is the best thing. And next time somebody says 'no', believe them.

By  ojoRojo  |  27

Or maybe she just doesn’t have romantic feelings for you? Nobody made you do all those things. If the feelings aren’t there, flowers and candy won’t change that.

By  Blimix  |  6

Women often don't feel safe giving a flat "no". They'll give excuses -- which may turn out to be false as soon as she's dating someone else -- because they don't know which men are unsafe to turn down. If you're continuing to press for a relationship after she has already turned you down, then you have given her more than enough reason to mistrust you. Stop scaring her. Just be her friend or go away.

By  hope jm  |  5

she's not into you like that, but she likes your friendship so she's trying to protect your feelings. let it go, stay friends and look elsewhere for romance. good luck.

By  Briarpatch  |  21

Listen to yourself. "After spending $300...she still won’t see me as more than a friend." So she's supposed to fall in love with you because you spent this money on her? Maybe that's one of the reasons why she's trying to let you down easily.

By  Brightside86  |  25

Anything past 1 "no" is pretty quickly getting into harassment territory. Just start dating around you'll eventually click with someone.

Also the strongest relationship bonds are on a biological compatibility level, chances are this was out of your control from the start.

By  Laura Taylor  |  2

it seems as though she had already made it clear that she is not interested. Spending that much and doing all that is being super pushy and you need to back off. Seems like she was trying to let you down gently and give you an excuse, but really, she's just not interested. Don't be creepy.

This one's on you. Sounds like this has come up before ... she has made her position and her needs known. If you were a decent friend you would respect that. Maybe a close friendship would evolve into more later, or maybe not. By not being the friend she needs and specifically ignoring what she's been telling you - you are solidly proving that you can't be trusted. Worse because you think her affection is for sale.

By  Laura Freja  |  3

Oh my god nice guy cringe. Firstly just cause you got a plane ticket and chocolates does NOT ENTITLED you to a relationship with her.
Oh poor you that she won't see you as more than a friend what about her? She's been hurt in the past now her friend is trying to push a relationship she doesn't want and won't just be happy as friends. She must feel people only want her for sex, poor thing. As for you, you are not a nice guy you thinking these gifts and being there entitles you to more, bring up them cost of the ticket like she is a prostitute and that's her price.
It's like nice guys think women are a loyalty card that after so many stamps you get to be thier girlfriend or have sex.
Do her a favor be a friend, don't force more, if she wants more she would come to you but she hadn't so move on.