Today, my long distance boyfriend told me no more nude pictures or sexting, as he's afraid the government will steal it all. FML
fishyrael tells us more.
fishyrael 28
Hey guys, OP here. While I don't doubt that they are in fact kept on record somewhere, I DO doubt that they would use them for some sort of super weapon like he was implying. My boyfriend grew up in a bad home and has anxiety and paranoia like you wouldn't believe, so he probably heard something in his computer class and blew it way out of proportion. Again. This is just the latest strange thing he's doing. At one point he wanted us to invest in a bunker. I'm 20 and he's 19, so we're both of age, and we've been dating for 2 years, but we live in different timezones. He's a college student and I don't make very much so it's hard for us to pay to meet up, so sexting is usually all we've got. I prefer skype, since my phone is ancient and doesn't have any of these fancy new-fangled apps, but I was laptopless for the night, which is why I texted him asking and got that in response. I know for a 100% fact that he is not cheating on me. He wouldn't be able to pull it off. Like I said, anxiety and paranoia. He once apologized to me in panic over having a crush on a celebrity, thinking that was just as bad as cheating. In any case, when he isn't at school, he's on skype and steam with me. And for those saying to send them to you, shame on you.
Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML
Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML
Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML
Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML
Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML
Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML
Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML
Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML
Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML
Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML
Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML
Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML
Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML
Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm… Your house is on fire." FML
Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML
Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML
Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML
Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML
Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it wasn't my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it wasn't my sister either, she said, "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML
Today, after being unemployed for almost two years, I was turned down for yet another job. The reason this time? I live too far from the job. I can see the building from my bedroom window. FML
yoshithecat tells us more.
yoshithecat 15
I don't live on a hill, the building where I would've been working is a bit tall as well which works into me being able to see it from my window. The building is all of a mile from my flat. No, lol it isn't the Shard! I did express this to them and their response then was telling me they found someone more suited for the position. I have no clue why they didn't bother saying that in the first place though. A funny thought though, I put my postcode on my CV, so if they actually thought a little into the lie they fed me, maybe they'd have just stuck with the truth in the first place. Thanks for all the positive feedback, sorry I wasn't more clear in the original post - expressing I was a mile away from the building. Hopefully I'll get a job soon! *crosses fingers*
Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML
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