Work: Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk....

By whateven - 08/01/2013 17:45 - United States - Allentown

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 448

You deserved it 2 803

Work

The smell detective is on the case

Broken heart

How? Why? What?

By ksa - 04/08/2015 19:06 - Poland - Katowice

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 246

You deserved it 3 019

Everyone loves a weepie

By CheeseAndCrackers - 30/04/2020 08:00

Today, my always over-emotional husband burst into sobs when I thanked him for making me lunch. Apparently, I did not compliment his cooking enough. He microwaved me a Hot Pocket; it was still frozen in the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 225

By whipplewhip - 30/06/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 375

You deserved it 3 595

By tamp - 22/06/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 500

You deserved it 71 063

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 14:14 - United States

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 753

You deserved it 50 193

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 694

You deserved it 3 339

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 365

You deserved it 54 460

True crime

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized why I had more than a little obsession with a show, in particularly one character, when I was transferring files to my new phone and saw a drawing my ex had sent me. She went missing, with zero leads, over 18 months ago and I can't stop clinging to either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 040

You deserved it 5 496

By Julie - 26/08/2019 04:00

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 662

By ProsserBabe11 - 15/04/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 008

You deserved it 2 513

What?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 110

By ryjacs - 03/06/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 680

You deserved it 2 843

By MoneyMike - 12/03/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 961

You deserved it 11 865

By Loud - 08/09/2016 06:07 - Australia

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 495

You deserved it 8 396

Drunken lout

By whippingpost - 08/03/2020 04:56

Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 110

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 274

Reported!

By thatcreepyteacher - 17/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 736

You deserved it 1 415

So annoying

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend and I were arguing. I told her that "same" and "similar" were two different words that meant two different things. She said, "I don't know about that, let me research it." This is the level of, "I always need to be right" that I deal with every day. I need to end things, for both of our sakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 256

By anon - 27/07/2011 00:01 - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 911

You deserved it 13 236

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 971

You deserved it 2 204

By Anonymous - 12/10/2014 20:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 5 688

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

By nurse4life - 18/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 778

You deserved it 483

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 02:01

Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 22:10 - United States - Chandler

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 41 467

By Tiredoftrying - 11/02/2019 10:00 - Australia

Today, I received my fourth rejection email from McDonald's after applying for one position with them a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 025

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 531

You deserved it 8 488

By Elle - 23/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 439

You deserved it 22 337

By kb - 01/02/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 2 431

By Taraa3 - 10/10/2009 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 129

You deserved it 5 021

Mysterious

By Wifewithquestions - 26/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 338

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 226

You deserved it 48 143

The death of romance

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 09:57 - Argentina - Burzaco

Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 178

By Quiteannoyed - 09/03/2013 10:35 - Finland - M?nts?l

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 114

You deserved it 2 881

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 10 312

By Forever alone - 01/05/2015 14:24 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 663

You deserved it 12 458

Public freakout

By erineilis - 16/08/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 532

You deserved it 17 020

By fmymouth - 20/08/2015 04:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 739

You deserved it 4 403

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 143

You deserved it 4 155

By Carlyclose - 16/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got rejected from Sephora, Walgreens and Ulta for being OVER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. Then, I got rejected from Estée Lauder, LVMH and Proctor and Gamble for being UNDER-qualified with a post-graduate diploma in cosmetic chemistry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 177

You deserved it 357

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Top comments

drewflav 17

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:39

Your boss is a fucktard! No one should be taking stuff off your desk without permission, ever. That's the kind of trouble it invites. You'll be fine OP, your boss can't touch you this time.

HanaFML 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:40

I think she should pay for your new glasses!

drewflav 17

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:39

Your boss is a fucktard! No one should be taking stuff off your desk without permission, ever. That's the kind of trouble it invites. You'll be fine OP, your boss can't touch you this time.

ThomasScott 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:54

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Shenanigans9 8

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:35

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Catkam623 27

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:51

Are you so sure ops boss could use suing to blackmail op into letting him touch ops no no spot ;$

tjv3 10

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 2:29

Well if they work in an at will state then she can come up with 1000 reasons to fire OP

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 2:53

70 - Pennsylvania is not an at will state. They are an implied contract state: basically meaning if both the employee and the employer uphold the implied contract created at time of employment (you do this; we'll do this/pay this), the employee can't be fired (though they can be laid off). The boss firing the employee because the boss crashed their own car after stealing the employee's belongings would be a breach of any implied contract.

kj51 5

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 3:02

My question is why the fuck did she take prescription sun glasses and just start driving in them

damn_homie 2

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 3:52

That bitch stupid.

CorruptAngel920 18

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:43

I'd hate to say it platypus, but on the PA gov't website that I just looked at. PA IS an at-will state.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:47

76- I'm pretty sure she didn't know they were prescription, and wanted sunglasses while she was driving; knowing she didn't have any with her, she took OP's.

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 16:53

101 - They must have changed it then, because it was implied contract according to the worker's rights pages I was looking at.

maccapacca 10

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Thursday 10 January 2013 8:04

You are both right, 109 and 101. Pennsylvania IS an at-will state, HOWEVER it recognises an implied contract as an exception to this rule.

bluejayscheer 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:40

People are just ridiculous sometimes

zango1 15

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:28

People like OP's boss are the reason I'm against animal testing. There are vast tracts of the human population we could use instead.

lilhellian 26

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:31

A certain lil puply would be happy to test on humans.. Definately not because I want revenge for my fellow animals.. *rolls eyes*

SammyS2012 21

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:55

What aggravate me is when people take my glasses and then complain, "wow I can't see anything!" I'm almost legally blind, obviously my glasses will do that if you have perfect vision, idiot.

tsent8 15

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 2:30

#41 a certain human would like to pet said certain puppy because said puppy is fricken adorable.

lilhellian 26

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:32

A certain lil puppy might let you..

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:51

If rather *boop* the nose...

lilhellian 26

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:33

But, But my nose:'(

Jakespeed207 4

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 6:27

Ugh... I'm sorry, puppy, I just... I... *BOOP!*

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 16:58

Gah...for those of you wondering, that should have said "I'd". I'm curious why my phone decided to change "Id" to "If", rather than "ID" or "I'd"...

Blurgas 16

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Thursday 10 January 2013 4:22

Zango, at first I was going to give you flak in regards to the "against animal testing" part, then I finished reading your comment and thought "Oh, yea, that's fine, the gene pool could use some chlorine"

catlover5299 18

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Saturday 6 August 2016 20:20

51, the same thing happens to me, my "friends" take my glasses and toss them, leaving me to search for where they went.

MassiveBerry 9

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:40

Your boss is an idiot.

DogsPaw 16

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:04

If you take someones glasses and they make your vision change (For the worst being specific for OP) You bypass being an idiot.

EsotericBrent 29

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:17

Maybe the glasses were spec'd right, and the boss is just a terrible driver?

HanaFML 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:40

I think she should pay for your new glasses!

HanaFML 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:44

I misread the fml.. Ignore my comment.

HanaFML 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:47

I misread the FML... Ignore my comment

bluejayscheer 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:48

Op didn't say the glasses were broken

HanaFML 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:54

20- I misread the FML.

happle 21

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 2:39

20- Do you think the glasses were okay after a car crash?

bluejayscheer 7

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:44

73- I'm just assuming that if op's boss didn't break their face the glasses weren't broken either...

corporatescoundr 25

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:18

I seen 20's comment and said aloud 'She just said she misread the FML' then I saw 25 lol

apaloosa_fml_fml 21

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:40

Your boss is an ass!

sunkissedluster 20

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:40

sorry your boss is a cwunt, fight that shit

MsConfusedd 27

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:44

What's a cwunt?

Athleticism 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:48

I think grandma might know.

PenguinBitch 43

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:55

*CUNT

Futacy 29

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:58

Does that mean pussy? Lol

kevsandy303 12

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 2:19

STFU! I'm trying to watch a movie! *poors soda onto head*

DrunkButterfly 17

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:38

Lol its pores not poors

DrunkButterfly 17

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:50

Lol its pores not poors

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:53

86 - Please tell me you're joking. If you're going to correct someone, at least correct them correctly. It's "pours".

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:59

86: Please tell me you're joking. If you're going to correct someone, at least correct them correctly. The word you are looking for is "pours."

perdix 29

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:01

#10, a German philosopher, but we discussed that earlier.

soja_fml 18

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:10

actually it's POURS.

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:12

Please forgive my double post. FML froze up on me and my comment didn't appear when I refreshed everything.

DrunkButterfly 17

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 5:20

haha oops I never was to good at spelling just trying to help sorry

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 16:55

96 - I'm not good at math, that's why I don't try to help people with math. If you aren't good at it, why would you try to correct someone who may/may not be good at it?

ollie179 21

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:41

How dare you leave those sunglasses laying about! You better pay for those damages!

etchsanity1 11

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 4:34

Lol ya never know I had a guy try to make me pay for his motorcycle when he crashed into my truck... Luckily I was in my driveway at the time and he was drunk

MistaBlista 9

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:41

It seems like she's just looking for someone to put the blame on. FYL OP.

MsConfusedd 27

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:42

I'm assuming by the fml that she didn't ask, but if she did, you should have told her. If she didn't, tell her it's her fault for taking something that's not hers without your permission.