Miscellaneous: Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then... - FML

By Jonnyboo - 29/08/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 479

You deserved it 2 780

Taking stock

Mama's boy

The step before rat-licker

By prince-charming - 07/11/2009 10:12 - Kuwait

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 614

You deserved it 3 914

By Ozzie - 29/09/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my 81-year-old mother threw out the packaging for a 3-day-old $1,700 monitor I was going to return due to a defect. I live in my own home, but she randomly visits to "clean up" without asking me. Now I'm stuck with an expensive, defective monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 270

You deserved it 610

By AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone - 13/12/2012 14:35 - Australia - Newport

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 170

You deserved it 8 964

By deanlazore - 23/06/2016 03:09 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 534

You deserved it 1 992

By Anonymous - 25/04/2010 10:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 690

You deserved it 44 418

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 558

You deserved it 5 615

By girlie5445 - 13/02/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 3 722

By iamnotalawyer - 26/03/2012 04:55 - United States - Glendale

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 484

You deserved it 4 110

By useyourownbed - 18/09/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Spicy

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 769

You deserved it 2 472

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 192

You deserved it 6 158

By Chesty Larue - 07/08/2015 00:29 - United States

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 244

You deserved it 2 366

By josie345 - 25/08/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 128

You deserved it 27 237

By Apparentlycreepy - 03/03/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected by two different guys. One was my ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to keep our friendship, and the other was a guy I went on a date with who faked a European accent the whole time during our date despite him being born and raised in Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 535

You deserved it 6 613

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 13:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 157

It's alive!

By yes I felt EVERYTHING - 11/01/2022 20:01

Today, I went in for surgery. All my life, my biggest fear has been that the anesthesia would paralyze me, but not actually put me to sleep. The doctors assured me the chances of that are almost none. You can probably guess how my surgery went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 99

By idontevenlikehamsters - 08/04/2013 00:00 - United States - Manassas

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 912

You deserved it 2 452

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Spicy

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 439

You deserved it 6 268

By oops - 31/03/2015 01:52 - Australia - Newtown

Spicy

Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's no one in there, so I knocked just to make sure. His stepdad opened the door stark naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 858

You deserved it 2 773

By ew - 12/04/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 061

You deserved it 3 041

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 04:46 - United States - Placentia

Spicy

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 211

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 11/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 584

You deserved it 3 827

By wellthanks - 10/06/2013 17:04 - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 366

You deserved it 5 847

By Anonymous - 26/01/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 204

You deserved it 15 839

Smart guy

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, my male model boyfriend admitted to me that he has developed an eating disorder because of his career. He also told me we couldn't have sex anymore, because he might somehow absorb the food I eat, from my body, through intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 245

By cheaters_should_die - 18/12/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 744

You deserved it 2 993

By awkward - 26/09/2016 21:31 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 929

You deserved it 1 346

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 08:45 - Canada

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 198

You deserved it 4 128

By Synonymous_Rex - 05/01/2015 21:26 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, I went to gather the laundry out of the dryer. My daughter had seen my wife put bleach in the washer, so she decided that honey in the dryer would make the clothes smell sweet. She wasn't wrong, but now I have a giant ball of sticky socks and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 2 808

By GLX - 14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 684

You deserved it 252

By Seriously? - 15/05/2013 21:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 315

You deserved it 3 513

Travelling light

By intrepid_traveller - 19/08/2021 03:01 - Finland - Parola

Today, after spending the night anxiously waiting for a negative COVID test result which would allow me to travel, I got to the airport in the morning, despite delays, and finally realized that my wallet is sitting on my couch at home. I'm on the plane now. There's no going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 338

By kelly.duggan - 21/04/2014 04:03 - Canada - Carleton Place

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 597

You deserved it 11 782

Don't look back

By Mike - 27/05/2021 02:01

Today, I took my car to a car wash, and when I got it back, one of the rearview mirrors was missing. Someone knocked it off and the management refuses to cooperate on who was the thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 61

By Username - 13/11/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 879

You deserved it 7 587

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 21:28 - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 436

You deserved it 3 162

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 22:13 - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 583

You deserved it 5 237

Fuzzy perception

By opinaise - 02/08/2012 13:00 - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her usual moaning, "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at this egg, it makes me want to throw up… It's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 206

You deserved it 3 991

By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/06/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 209

You deserved it 4 310

By Sam - 18/01/2010 17:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 324

You deserved it 2 993

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 19:59 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 116

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:08

That's not ALL she did in it..... :)

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:02

Damn.

Comments

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:02

Damn.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:38

Just wash the sheets. Or if you're that disturbed by it, just use your old mattress. I fail to see how this is an FML.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 22:51

I also completely fail to see how this is FML. Spoiled brat, jut change the sheets. If it's really gross, change the mattress. Actually, I came to terms with my grandma passing only when I took a nap in her bed -- the same she died in. It was actually were liberating and comforting.

the_stereotype 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 0:14

harsh much? she's not a spoiled brat if she is weirded out by her grandmother's bed that she died in. just because you came in terms with your grandmother's death that way, doesn't mean that the OP has to. OP, just politely send it back and tell them you're uncomfortable sleeping on that bed. I don't think anyone would take it that personally.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 2:59

man you're fucked up. how about i liberate your grandma's passing by slapping you with my dick?

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Sunday 30 August 2009 6:37

SPOILED BRAT? YOU PRO2BABLY L1KE TO FCK YOUR D3AD GRANDMA , BUT MOST PEOPLE D0NT SO STFU B1TCH

idefka 34

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Thursday 22 October 2015 11:48

#20, you seriously would be perfectly fine with laying in a bed, that a person died in? Most likely, they have fucked in the bed too. I personally don't think It would be very fun to lay around where someone died.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

nevershoutmaith 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:04

hahahaha awww

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:06

Ohhhhhhh. Fyl. I'm sorry :/

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:08

That's not ALL she did in it..... :)

dont_stop_believ 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 7:00

I thot so too I wud b so grossed weirded out and sad if I had to do tht!

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Tuesday 19 April 2011 4:55

WIN. lmaoo!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:08

sucks for you

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:17

Yeah. She probably masturbated in it too. Or at least tried.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 21:03

I agree with screwtaylor. That was before they made vibrators. So she used the bed post instead. Have fun, OP!

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Wednesday 23 June 2010 16:58

hey, they didn't use bedposts. it's called lipstick tubes.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:08

just wash the damn sheets and get over it you pussy. you dont want it then dont take it.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:08

sux, get a different bed from sit n sleep. trade the old one in and ur matress is FREEEEEEEE!!

the_stereotype 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 0:17

to everyone who is leaving comments like this, why don't you wash the clothes that one of your relatives died in and wear it around. it's not because the bed is dirty, it's because she DIED in it

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:09

how bout you grow up, at least you get a better bed

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:11

Grandmother*** Edit: God dammit.. I meant to reply to my earlier comment..

CFR 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:13

O_O Well still...like everyone is saying so nicely, just wash everything about four thousand times. If the idea that your grandmother died in the same bed you're sleeping in doesn't go away after that (since we all know that cleaning it still won't get rid of the truly messed up, uncomfortable feeling of sleeping in a place where someone died), get rid of it.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 409

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 61