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As the OP, I find all of this absolutely hilarious!! To address a few questions/comments: the pull-up was the one she was wearing when she was put to bed - she doesn't wear them any other time. I was monitoring her over the one-way baby monitor we have with the volume on full blast, but the pull-up slides up and down, no noise or anything, so that is how she was able to do her stealth-painting. As for being able to get into other things, we keep all of our chemicals in an upper cabinet, no worries there. Plus, if she'd have actually come out of her room without me hearing her, my dog would have ratted her out in a heartbeat! For the pissy commenters, good for you that you are so better at everything than everyone else, your mother must be proud of how nasty and judgemental she's raised you to be. As for those other parents that understand, thank you for being able to find the humor in this disgusting situation with me. If she was doing this daily, I'd be concerned, but since this has so far been a one time thing, I think boredom and wanting the soiled pull-up off her is what caused her to be so...umm...creative. And btw, she drew dinosaurs, her current fascination. And yes, I did a great job cleaning it up after I finished gagging and smearing vicks vaporub all around my nostrils.

hey I'm the OP and what happened was that we were both sleeping in the same room (well she was asleep) and she started snoring so i yelled at her which woke her up. then she realized that she had to use the bathroom so half asleep she took her bathrobe off and sat on the toilet. she fell back asleep because she went to bed about 2 hours before and had to wake up in another 2 hours to catch a plane. my mom is only 50 and i am 15. by the way all of your comments made me laugh and yeah i really do wish that memory would erase!

I don't usually see people coming back to comment on their own FMLs, but I wanted to see what people had to say. 136, I don't make a habit of walking by smokers. I've just had a few too many family members diagnosed with lung cancer from what should be called a lethal drug. I wasn't trying to be condescending with my remarks. I was simply giving a harsh reality in a way that could possibly cause him To put the cigarette down. To add on I'll ask a question to everyone: How angry would you be if you found out you had lung cancer or emphysema some second-hand smoke?

Hello the OP here, in case you are wondering my son is 14, this what makes this bad. I had a talk with him about combing his hair with scissors, he said that since it had an edge he thought it would work just fine. He's not hurt in any way but if he was to hurt himself, I would have told him to figure it out. The eating toothpaste is a whole different story, I didn't know the purpose and he didn't know the purpose. I don't think he knew that toothpaste is poisonous if you ate it. Anybody want to adopt a kid?

Finally had something FML-worthy to write and it got up! Wow, I'm surprised at the amount of supportive comments, they definitely make me feel a little better! I admit I shouldn't have been quite so rude, but I am fiercely protective of my dogs (they're rescue dogs and I've had them for 13 years) and I really don't like kids, and especially the mothers that, like her, look like they can't even look after themselves. I called the child dirty because he was quite literally dirty, stains all down his shirt and crumbs and chocolate all around his mouth. I know they may have happened since she left the house and the mum might have no way to clean him but there are so so many women on benefits who just have children for the sake of it around my area when they obviously can't afford to look after them. My two biggest peeves, women like that and people insulting dogs got to me big time! Thankfully I haven't seen her in work yet, hoping she'll steer clear of me and go to a different cashier in the future....