By Foodcomesfirst - United Kingdom

Brotherly love

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

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Season finale

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

They targeted gamers!

By shatMyself - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

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By

Today, my friend was complaining about how she did not like Mexican food. Confused, I asked her whether she had even had Mexican food, to which she replied, “Yeah, I mean I’ve had Taco Bell.” FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

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By sophistication - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

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By NathanPlays - United States

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

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By poor guy - United States

Good deed, but still…

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

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By onemoreruinedthing - United States

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

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By hunterjumper1212 - United States - San Rafael

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

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By jesus christ - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

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By hurtsmyears - United States

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

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By BOOP - United States

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

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By DrGas - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

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By yodada - United States

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Bridgewater

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

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By pedestrian - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 11:01

Our House

Today, I found out I have another leak in my house. I've had three inspections and they were all shit. At this point, that pipe is the only remaining original pipe in the entire house. Over 25k have officially gone into this BS. Note to all: go "new." FML

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By disconnected - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

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By Marleck - United States

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By poordog - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

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By ddhaley1 - United States - Edmond

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

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By MeAgainDr... - Australia - South Perth

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

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By streeted - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

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By k.love - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

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By needsomelove - France

Running gag

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

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By perpetuallyscrewed

Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

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By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

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By poorman - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Flemington

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

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By emptypockets - 28/6/2020 17:00

Rich people problems

Today, after spending thousands of dollars on remodelling and painting our house, making it exactly how we wanted it, my husband's grandma passed away, leaving us her house. I’m debating on ripping everything out and taking it to the new house my hubby is so eager to move into now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Not funny anymore

Today at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s that had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

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By Baskets-Tailleur - France

Today, as I was putting on sports shoes to get to a job interview in a hurry, a man ran past me and grabbed my formal shoes while shouting, "Ninja!" Try explaining to the guy at the interview why I was wearing sneakers with a skirt suit. FML

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By DIY560 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

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By broke - Canada

Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML

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Top comments

By awesome_o | 0

#686890 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:10

must have been delicious

By x0SoReckless0x | 7

#686930 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:52

that sucks. At least you didn't fall down the stairs though. think of the positives =]

COMMENTS

By awesome_o | 0

#686890 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:10

must have been delicious

Reply

Kttttt | 0

#687966 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 20:28

When you faint your only out 2-5 seconds, I doubt he would have stopped eating and ran up to you in that amount of time.

Reply

silvervolt7 | 0

#834266 - Monday 8 February 2010 9:39

lol owned

Reply

NotInAGoodWay | 0

#1646869 - Thursday 4 November 2010 1:27

yeah, kinda sounds like your a drama queen. my brother is the same way about stuff. lol, I ignore him all the time ://

Reply

Awesome_Guy2468 | 0

#3023950 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 20:57

How long was she KO

Reply

Koryissocoollike | 0

#3541343 - Friday 4 November 2011 13:54

lol her name is food comes first >.>

Reply

cupcakemann95 | 7

#4710534 - Friday 20 July 2012 5:23

It had better been delicious, otherwise, in your position, I would have beaten his butt

By 1337Steph | 0

#686892 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:11

Well, no lie, I ignore my siblings a lot. And usually when they aren't feeling well, they're over exaggerating, so I wouldn't really think much about it.

Reply

28actress | 22

#6645534 - Friday 8 July 2016 14:00

She also may not have been out for very long. If she only fainted for a minute or so, it is unlikely that her brother would have even had time to notice

By mzbosii | 0

#686896 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:13

sucks!!

Reply

vapors | 0

#687337 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 12:44

Well, she might just have fainted for like 30sec or 1 min. And why would he notice? Its not like she fell down the stairs and made alot of noise. Check for diabetes.

By perdix | 29

#686898 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:14

You were right. There was something wrong with you. What was your brother supposed to do?

Isn't it enough that he had to make his own sammich?

Reply

NIRVANAfan123 | 0

#979658 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 5:58

WIN

By cerebellum_fml | 0

#686908 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:22

If you where eating then you would not have fainted. YDI if he knows you would cry wolf over something stupid

Reply

bexox | 0

#687067 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 3:05

So blood sugar is the only reason a person can faint? That's news to me and my neurologist.

By YDI_King | 0

#686913 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:26

not an FML. nothing bad happened. YDI

Reply

missawesome16 | 0

#1251031 - Monday 16 August 2010 9:09

she passed out and no one did any thing that s an fml u ass

Reply

donttreadonme1 | 0

#2186999 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 2:28

Jesus crist com down buddy u might shit ur self

By fbp6277 | 0

#686915 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:29

Sounds like my boyfriends brother, hes an ass.

By anil6057 | 0

#686916 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:29

this is exactly something my brother would do.

By allysonnn | 0

#686924 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:38

next time be near another person because you could have fell and hit your head hard and then im pretty sure your brother would notice

also, you were probably hungry

Reply

Lichinamo | 33

#5386007 - Wednesday 27 February 2013 21:01

People don't have to be hungry to pass out. Both times I've passed out was due to my body going into panic mode over something minor

By idkweird | 0

#686927 - Tuesday 24 November 2009 23:50

YDI for being a drama queen!