Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles... - FML

By Jacqueline - 1/7/2012 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

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Serious times

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Great speech, thanks!

By jake - 12/8/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

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By lonelygirl - 9/4/2013 04:59 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

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By Julia - 26/2/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

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By mylifesucks - 10/7/2013 20:10 - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

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By aj513 - 29/11/2015 01:20 - United States - New Bedford

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

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By gerontofuck - 15/4/2014 21:55 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

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By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2011 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

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By Pissed - 21/9/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

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By milkymoo - 30/5/2011 01:45 - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

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By linked - 19/4/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me using LinkedIn, a platform people use to connect with potential employers. FML

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By catsofly7 - 30/1/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

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By kitty shah - 17/6/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

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By Nasty - 30/8/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

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By squad - 19/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Washington

My first time

Today, I lost my virginity with my boyfriend. As he was about to cum, I moaned his brother's name. I've never even met his brother and now I'm single. FML

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By yum - 7/7/2013 05:09 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

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By MCMB33 - 1/2/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2012 16:28 - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

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By dantheman - 24/7/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

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By ugh - 5/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

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By hunta331 - 14/7/2019 22:00

Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML

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By pokeOww - 13/9/2019 22:00

Dash!

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

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By DemonicDummy - 5/1/2017 05:06

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

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By anon - 22/11/2015 06:40 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I told my dad that scientists discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all b.s and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

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By Rick - 28/7/2011 10:51 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2012 22:27 - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 12:00

The Crying Game

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

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By tdizzlehi - 28/8/2020 02:00 - United States - Boston

Won't someone think of the economy?

Today, after coming out of a meeting during which I promised my employees better wages, I was met at the door by my CEO telling me to lay off all the employees I just talked to. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 17:59 - United States

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

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By anon - 2/5/2011 10:58 - United States

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

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By Rimmy Jobs - 21/8/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

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By Leanna - 10/4/2017 12:00

Today, I cleaned my entire house. Ready for a fresh finishing touch in the bedroom, I grabbed the Febreze and lightly sprayed over my clean bedding, carpeting, and clothing. Then a pungent odor hit me. It seems someone forgot to label the bottle when they filled it with vinegar instead. FML

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By hannah - 17/2/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

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By barista - 5/12/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 08:08

Bizarre Love Triangle

Today, after going down on me and dry humping me in bed, my boyfriend told me he was having second thoughts about me while I was away for a few days. Apparently, he spent time with my best friend who set us up. She asked him to hypothetically propose to her. FML

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By owmyballs - 17/12/2009 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

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By sexyfreak2510 - 3/9/2009 06:47 - South Africa

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

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By Ryan746 - 9/6/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

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By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

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Top comments

By lolfood | 24

#4639322 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:04

That's a pretty sensitive burglar alarm if it was triggered by pebbles.

By kyleekay | 25

#4639357 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:15

He should've been creative and thrown a horse through your window, like Peter Griffin did. Worked out well for him. ;)

COMMENTS

By lolfood | 24

#4639322 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:04

That's a pretty sensitive burglar alarm if it was triggered by pebbles.

Reply

brt3420 | 13

#4639366 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:20

I work for a security alarm company and I deal with the equipment all day, it was most likely a glass break sensor. Older equipment suck and are easily triggered.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#4639395 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:31

No kidding. That must be bothersome during storms if the wind is strong enough to blow objects into the windows.

Reply

xxmel | 6

#4639429 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:51

Pebbles? Sounds more like boulders.

Reply

sarahjacquelyn | 3

#4639599 - Monday 2 July 2012 3:31

Window sensors I believe there mate

Reply

Goldenchest | 14

#4639634 - Monday 2 July 2012 3:42

He should throw tennis balls next time.

Reply

mars13_fml | 8

#4640169 - Monday 2 July 2012 6:18

I know... My alarm doesn't go off unless a window is broken or opened. Just hitting it wouldn't work.

Reply

summerlover23 | 5

#4640465 - Monday 2 July 2012 8:05

Cheap bed.

Reply

sr101998 | 0

#4641392 - Monday 2 July 2012 14:38

52- the hell did you just say? That has nothing to do with this FML. I'm sorry but explain what you mean, if you have the time

Reply

lolfood | 24

#4645015 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 7:40

52, what the fuck does that have to do with my comment or the FML?

By Aug1508 | 9

#4639331 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:06

Well that's one way to let them know you have a boyfriend. Next time tell your boyfriend to text.

Reply

Katiekhalifa_fml | 28

#4639404 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:36

But texting isn't nearly as romantic!

Reply

DespairFaction | 11

#4640225 - Monday 2 July 2012 6:37

And a burglar alarm is? Besides, since when is texting pictures of yourself in the mirror not romantic? < sarcasm warning>

Reply

puppytaco64 | 8

#4640510 - Monday 2 July 2012 8:32

Textings too mainstream

Reply

Katiekhalifa_fml | 28

#4641398 - Monday 2 July 2012 14:40

That wasn't even sarcasm, that was just kinda lame...

By Sumalum | 7

#4639343 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:09

At least it didn't break the window.

Reply

zachherbert | 10

#4639419 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:42

Now that woulda been romantic!

By kyleekay | 25

#4639357 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:15

He should've been creative and thrown a horse through your window, like Peter Griffin did. Worked out well for him. ;)

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#4639381 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:25

We're not near peters creativity level yet lol

Reply

FMMFL1992 | 3

#4639964 - Monday 2 July 2012 5:16

If he's doing something someone else did, then he is not being creative.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#4640159 - Monday 2 July 2012 6:17

It's still creative, it's just not unique.

Using your logic anyone who paints, writes, practices photography, etc are not using their creativity.

By flockz | 19

#4639358 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:16

"where fore art thou Romeo?"

Reply

MyAlmostLover | 3

#4640111 - Monday 2 July 2012 5:57

I did know that! Yay English class! haha

Reply

LaughinStock | 16

#4640848 - Monday 2 July 2012 10:22

LOL I don't know why but I imagined 33's dog saying that, with glasses. Did anyone else, or am I the only weird one.

By DoubleCross | 9

#4639368 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:21

What happened to cell phones??? Or at least a softer object.

Reply

ittsdann | 6

#4639443 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:53

Yeah because throwing a cotton ball or A handful of feathers at a window is really going to get someone's attention.

Reply

DoubleCross | 9

#4639459 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:55

I meant a bouncy ball or some similar material that doesn't scratch.

Reply

StopDropNRoll | 11

#4639481 - Monday 2 July 2012 3:02

simple rocks are free an are commonly located near windows and many other convenient locations.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#4640173 - Monday 2 July 2012 6:19

I don't think the pebbles scratching the window is what set off the alarm. I think the fact that the window was being pelted with objects is what set it off. A bouncy ball would likely have the same effect.

Reply

JoeSaysSsso | 2

#4640301 - Monday 2 July 2012 7:00

why would he throw cell phones???

By aaaannnnaaaa | 8

#4639369 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:22

Haha LOL!

Reply

lolfood | 24

#4640274 - Monday 2 July 2012 6:51

That is the most creative comment that I have ever seen. I bet a lot of thought went into that comment.

Reply

KrayKrayGurl117 | 7

#4640463 - Monday 2 July 2012 8:04

47- well of course!! She had to decide whether or not "lol" should be in caps or not!!

By DoubleCross | 9

#4639376 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:24

Why didn't he run when the alarm went off?

Reply

kamikrazy | 6

#4639767 - Monday 2 July 2012 4:28

Cause then it would have been considered a crime.

Reply

sr101998 | 0

#4641403 - Monday 2 July 2012 14:41

That's why I'm in jail bud.

By ICastillo | 24

#4639383 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:26

At least you know you're safe in your house.

By trippythehippy | 6

#4639392 - Monday 2 July 2012 2:29

No I wasn't trying to sneak in.... I was trying to.... Uhh yea