Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, I felt so awful in my belly, I went to a massage therapist for help. She, like me, thought it was the stress of some recent family issues. It was more than that. Her kneading of my gut indeed relieved me by helping me have a HUGE go. One scream and a four foot turd later, I realized I'd been constipated. No longer. FML
Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
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Top comments
Sunako_fml 9
You boyfriend is an idiot for assuming like that..
bob7up 5
That's pretty bad for him to assume something like that.
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Comments (227)
bob7up 5
That's pretty bad for him to assume something like that.
bmkc4 1
Her boyfriend sounds like he might be the guilty one
thatonename 7
Well idk? I'm still having trouble understanding the fml. I mean, girls don't poop so how could they be constipated? With that in mind, anal cheating is the only other obvious answer.
olpally 33
He should never assume anything or be judgmental about someone he loves or anyone for that matter... Your bf is an ass op... :/
beccax33 4
Oh my god.... I hope ur trying to be funny. But it's not, anyways.
beccax33 4
I swear... Some people are just this stupid
seasonedtoast 19
We don't poop. We are delicate little things that would never omit gases or anything ghastly like that. Lighten up guys!!
aJaguarinRed 9
27- Hahaha! That was awesome, made my day!
IQWasJustLowered 0
look on the bright side, you didn't die from dehydration.
jim_bolicious 4
Girls bum-holes are just another hole/decoration
cajekraze 7
you need to get rid of this guy, OP. Insecurity is poisonous and hurtful. Don't allow it in your life, especially when you're already in pain. This is just the start. Next he'll call you a ***** for talking to a male cousin. Get away before it gets worse
AKGirlinSD 20
1, I agree with you. I have gastroparesis so I can go over 10 days without having a bowel movement. When the time comes, the pain is out of this world. Doctors compare it to a woman being in labor because the muscles are torn from pushing so hard and the anus gets cut to pieces. Original poster's boyfriend is a complete jerk. I hope she found someone to take her because the pain is out of this world!
Scotth901 22
Lol you right man girls don't poop
jbuckets_404 39
#203: Do laxatives, st'l softeners, or prunes help?
jbuckets_404 39
#203 Part Deux:Oops! Just read up on it via WebMD. And I thought my dad's ulcerative colitis was bad....
Sunako_fml 9
You boyfriend is an idiot for assuming like that..
snowboarder531 5
Well we all know what happens when people assume.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
77, you make an ass out of u and me.
MURIKKA 11
Just out of curiosity, I wonder what OP was going to expect the hospital to do.... I wouldn't think they could do a whole lot as she's going to the bathroom.
SamanthaCassieL 10
They could give her some sort of stool softener to make it easier for future issues as well has give her medication to even prevent constipation before she would ever need a stool softener. Sometimes prescription meds are better the over the counter
shots1996 8
It's called laxatives. Sorry they taste like shit but it helps your shit in a very good way
littlesister67 0
That's what I learned. And yes, women do poop, and we also flatulate. We just chose not to be neanderthals about it.
AKGirlinSD 20
If/when my boyfriend sees me in pain, he takes me to the ER, no matter what the cause. Original poster's boyfriend should have cared about her pain being controlled opposed to assuming she's cheating in him. I hope he's the ex now.
jbuckets_404 39
#138 & #142: St'l softeners & laxatives work on the intestines, but the cause of this medical condition is failure of the stomach to periodically empty its contents; thus, these meds won't work in this instance. See WebMD.
jbuckets_404 39
#108, #138, & #142: The treatment is called Fecal Impaction Removal. The newbies on the TV show ER - and med students et. al. in real-life as part of their education & training - were ordered to perform that (out of camera view). OP may also need stitches afterwards. :-(
icadragoon 11
Please tell me you're not planing on staying with him, or having children with him.
perdix 31
Those would be some pretty shitty kids.
Feared 9
62- got to hate it when the baby comes out the wrong end.
boschwachter 7
88- that's what happens when you have buttsex. Right?
sirpantselot 22
3- she should stay with him until the next time he's constipated. Like to see him talk his way out of that one!
aJaguarinRed 9
62- Randy Marsh knows all about it. Bono, too.
efemel94 7
She's already given birth to her first over due food baby...
noshatsherlockk 15
Trust is a good thing. You gotta sit him down and talk to him. After going to the hospital of course.
zandalee 20
Nope I don't think so. This guy is such an idiot and a bastard he is beyond redemption. Ring a friend or family member and get away from this prick as fast as you can!
teddy4nyy 13
Doubt she'll be sitting any time soon!
YourMoms_BF 2
You mean your Ex boyfriend
Drew167 8
That's pretty ****** up if he'd just assume you would have anal with another guy.
boz1 3
Anal is just pretty ****** up in general..
asl_for_life 6
Damn you're hella hott! And I don't usually say stuff like that !
seasonedtoast 19
We know where your junk is buddy. Shirt shirt shirt!!
zandalee 20
86 - thanks for that! Needed a damn good giggle!
CyborgBanana 12
Assuming idiotic stuff like that is just douchebaggy of him... Just like not wearing a shirt and taking a picture of yourself in the mirror.
asl_for_life 6
Hey if people got it they can flaunt it! I wish I knew how to message this guy ;) But in all seriousness op has a douche obviously insecure boyfriend. Sorry op:(
jbuckets_404 39
#202: Either click on the link "Send a private message" here next to his profile pix or do so after you click his profile pix or username. Else note his username and then search for it on your own profile pg via the "Search for a member" link.
MrFuzzles 5
You should've left that 'present' in his drivers seat. Your boyfriend is a scumbag, FYI.
queen_awks 16
Ewww! I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you!
MrFuzzles 5
This statement is very true ^
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
*crystal ball with hands waving over it* I see in the future... A downvote of a failed comment
bmkc4 1
He sounds like a loser. If you have no faith in your partner then you don't need to be together. I feel bad for you and hope you have a friend to call to drive you to the ER.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Some partners deserve no faith. Not all but some. But I'd think if my girl was crying from a deuce that big, anal sex would definitely not be the first thought on my mind. I don't think it'd cause a weeks worth of build up..that makes me cringe just thinking about it.
AKGirlinSD 20
Thank you, 39! I'm glad you can realize a week's worth of build up is extremely painful and uncomfortable.
SkoomaKi 28
Did he think you had sex with Andrey the Giant? A weeks worth of shit in one go would certainly look like it. Jokes aside. If your boyfriend can't trust you like that, then it must be a very controlled relationship :/
olpally 33
I was in one of those controlled relationships... :/ I was miserable... I'm glad I'm single now... Fyl op... You deserve to be treated better than that...
fordman22 0
Talk about shit packin lol