Miscellaneous: Do I know you?

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 471

You deserved it 3 174

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 819

By CollegeFreshman - 11/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 3 749

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 791

With friends like these…

By marz88 - 24/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 697

You deserved it 7 135

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 439

Party hard

By vcarder - 04/10/2013 20:25 - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 43 183

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 676

You deserved it 4 572

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 22:31 - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 123

You deserved it 4 709

College life

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 993

You deserved it 2 363

W76 0

Monday 21 December 2009 12:14

You not lock your apartment?

LilaBear 1

Monday 21 December 2009 13:34

I second, third, fourth, and tenth everybody who's already asked why your door wasn't locked.

Comments

Flamersplamer 0

Monday 21 December 2009 12:11

ROFLMAO!

sexxxtacy 0

Monday 21 December 2009 17:32

too bad. this girl was a gift from god and you didn't get some.

Dr_Haiku 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 0:22

One question for me Did you go through her wallet? Or get a free feel?

effyoubitch 5

Saturday 15 October 2011 5:26

That's two questions.

W76 0

Monday 21 December 2009 12:14

You not lock your apartment?

BeeSkwaird 0

Monday 21 December 2009 13:17

Exactly. YDI.

marc_with_a_c 3

Monday 21 December 2009 14:41

Yeah.. why wasn't the door locked?

pingpongpickle 8

Thursday 6 May 2010 7:44

it would be even worse if he did lock it

happyhak 5

Monday 21 December 2009 12:15

why call her father? call the cops! FYL

Jimboom 11

Monday 21 December 2009 12:38

So did you **** her at least? I mean she puked all over your place thats the least she could do for you in return. Plus she would be in the perfect position if her head was down the toilet for some doggy style. :-P

BikerMike 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 3:01

man that is ******* funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pingpongpickle 8

Thursday 6 May 2010 7:45

you guys are pigs

baxeh 29

Thursday 17 July 2014 11:46

Ew.

xyris_fml 28

Tuesday 1 September 2015 0:08

And the award for "Shallowest Comment" goes to... In all seriousness, do you not realize that's rape if he has sex with her while she's obviously near blackout drunk and he's sober?

VirtuallyUnbreak 0

Monday 21 December 2009 12:39

so did you bang her?

snafu57 1

Monday 21 December 2009 12:48

too bad about the puke. drunk girls can be interesting.

startafire 0

Monday 21 December 2009 12:56

Lock your damn door.

dannnn_fml 0

Thursday 22 April 2010 1:22

If I don't lock my door will hot guys wander into my house? hmmmm

lickmyjock 0

Monday 21 December 2009 13:03

YDI for not taking advantage of the situation.

guckylynn 19

Monday 21 December 2009 13:15

And she got in your apartment how? Lock the door next time.

FusionPlacebo 26

Sunday 21 June 2015 5:02

I wish I could hear more to this FML. I understand she was in his doorway, but who's to say she didn't break in through the door. Maybe he forgot to lock it?