Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
W76 0
You not lock your apartment?
LilaBear 2
I second, third, fourth, and tenth everybody who's already asked why your door wasn't locked.
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Comments (46)
Flamersplamer 0
ROFLMAO!
sexxxtacy 0
too bad. this girl was a gift from god and you didn't get some.
Dr_Haiku 0
One question for me Did you go through her wallet? Or get a free feel?
effyoubitch 5
That's two questions.
W76 0
You not lock your apartment?
BeeSkwaird 0
Exactly. YDI.
marc_with_a_c 3
Yeah.. why wasn't the door locked?
pingpongpickle 8
it would be even worse if he did lock it
happyhak 5
why call her father? call the cops! FYL
Jimboom 12
So did you **** her at least? I mean she puked all over your place thats the least she could do for you in return. Plus she would be in the perfect position if her head was down the toilet for some doggy style. :-P
BikerMike 0
man that is ******* funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pingpongpickle 8
you guys are pigs
baxeh 29
Ew.
xyris_fml 28
And the award for "Shallowest Comment" goes to... In all seriousness, do you not realize that's rape if he has sex with her while she's obviously near blackout drunk and he's sober?
VirtuallyUnbreak 0
so did you bang her?
snafu57 1
too bad about the puke. drunk girls can be interesting.
startafire 0
Lock your damn door.
dannnn_fml 0
If I don't lock my door will hot guys wander into my house? hmmmm
lickmyjock 0
YDI for not taking advantage of the situation.
guckylynn 19
And she got in your apartment how? Lock the door next time.
FusionPlacebo 26
I wish I could hear more to this FML. I understand she was in his doorway, but who's to say she didn't break in through the door. Maybe he forgot to lock it?
LilaBear 2
I second, third, fourth, and tenth everybody who's already asked why your door wasn't locked.