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Hi. I'm deciding to comment on my own FML to truly thank the people who wish me luck and keep me in their prayers. If you wish to learn more check out my profile. Thanks!!

Don't let it come to this

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01

Today, we had the cops called on us because my son was panicking so much about his first COVID jab, his older sister got fed up, took him outside, put him in a headlock and choked him unconscious so the nurse could jab him. Instead, the nurse called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 291

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 5 584

Superstition

By OhGodWhy - 23/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 170

Been there, done that

By randomgirl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 389

You deserved it 15 060

By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 20:51 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 346

You deserved it 3 669

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 05:44 - United States - Pinellas Park

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 5 154

By emih - 21/02/2010 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 633

You deserved it 3 152

By vidzgrl - 28/01/2009 19:51 - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 5 350

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 03:23

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 236

You deserved it 50 976

Gender bending

By Anonymous - 03/09/2021 16:59

Today, my doctor told me to take off my pants so she could do a checkup. When I took them off, she gasped. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was expecting something else. She thought I was a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 208

The gush

By mwja - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 4 012

Family jewels

By DanJames24 - 05/06/2020 14:00

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 28/11/2012 06:32 - United States - Madison

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 753

You deserved it 3 400

Stank

By sadass - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 8 595

Give us a cig, mate

By Jbs4lf - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk dude because I wouldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 070

You deserved it 2 772

By Where is the faith in Humanity - 07/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 370

You deserved it 9 057

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 397

You deserved it 4 975

Pampered

By really karen?! - 30/09/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, I had to place a call home because a student was late every single day. The mom rudely replied, “Yeah well she doesn’t really like getting up in the mornings. Can’t you just wait and start class like 30 minutes later?” Now I have to have a conference with this spoiled brat and her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 110

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 602

You deserved it 7 376

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 432

You deserved it 2 589

Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 117

You deserved it 453

Today, at my wedding, my grandmother special requested a wheelchair, even though she doesn’t and never has needed any kind of assistance walking or standing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 212

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was ruined when my brother was too cheap to iTunes the song I wanted playing, so he YouTubed it instead. It’s very difficult to propose while speakers are blasting an unskippable 30-second advert about formula being a healthy alternative to breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 596

Today, I was once again sent tons of Mother's Day cards in the mail, even though my son died years ago and I've told people that I'm not a mother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 92