Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Spicy
Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 005
You deserved it 187

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Top comments

It must suck to have someone offer you their body and provide clear guidance on what they're comfortable with or not. /s

diraven 15

Your wife is very organized. Mine just slaps me if I touch the wrong thing

Comments

Bad spelling is such a turn-off. What? She won't let you stick it in her icehole, her ponzi or the moth? And you can't play with her tots? Is that what's troubling you, bunky?

It must suck to have someone offer you their body and provide clear guidance on what they're comfortable with or not. /s

Doesn't actually sound like they are offering their body at all. Sounds like the what might be on the list is an unenthusiastic hand job at most. If there's limitations on what can happen in the bedroom, and those limitations don't align with your partner in any way, shape, or form....do both of you a favor and find someone else. Offering their body? Good God, what is this, Sunday School? Not as great a gift as some people might think.

ChipBoundry: I hope you will always feel comfortable telling someone not to shove things up your ass.

Some people don't know when they're lucky

There are plenty who'd envy OP. Maybe you have girls fighting to get off with you, not everyone is a rock star.

it's not about being a rock star, it's about ops wife clearly caring very little about their intimate moment. she didn't bother to spell simple things correctly, that shows she's putting very little though into his "gift". op is also implying that the length of the list shows she doesn't want to do much with him either. i.e emotionless, vanilla sex which is not great indicator for a healthy relationship.

MeganBPD 4

This was perfectly stated. 👏🏻

MeganBPD 4

That was a perfect response to this. 👏🏻

phybreawptic 13

Fairly certain this is also about the way she went about presenting this. Being greeted naked by your SO on your birthday was probably a nice surprise. Immediately to be followed up by a what sounds to be a long list of things that are "off of the menu." Which, in that moment, probably took some of his initial joy away and he was frustrated.

diraven 15

Your wife is very organized. Mine just slaps me if I touch the wrong thing

Weird that she doesn't just trust you.

Yes, the fact that she had to provide a list is very telling OP. Basically she doesn't trust you not to respect her boundaries. Unless you only got married last week and she was saving herself for marriage, there's really no excuse. So YDI through and through.

phybreawptic 13

Why are we assuming this is all on OP? Maybe she knew that what she did would get a reaction out of him and she takes joy in that. Not saying it is that way but jumping to the conclusion that this guy is a scumbag is a bit much.

Just skip it and get a off the wall crazy nutjob side chick. Be the most fun in 3 weeks you'll ever have. Just don't give her your real name, phone number or country of origin. Tell her you're the son of the Afghanistan president and your Volkswagen is due to come in any day filled with cash. Don't worry, she won't be able to pronounce his name either, just refer to him as pop.

MeganBPD 4

Boundaries can be hard eh? Sucks to know what someone is okay with. Honestly, dude.. this was so poorly said. I get that the list kinda diminished the effect but.. maybe think a bit before you speak on this topic again lol. (Its clear that it wasn’t meant the way it sounded, though. You’re not so much bothered by having boundaries, it’s the list of no-gos that kinda killed the mood).