Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to... - FML

By pk24 - United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

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There's no helping some people

Sorry…

Harsh

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

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By Mike - United States - Burlington

Drama Llama

Today, I called my mother to say hi. She spent a whole hour and a half complaining about how I never call her, bawling and calling me "a waste of human flesh." I call her at least once a week. FML

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By jennybrev - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Serbia - Beograd

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

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By kbeavv - United States

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

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By Kelsie - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

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By TT - United States

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

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By Honest mistake

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

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By kill me

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

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By facepalmshroomer - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

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By Fiancé problemsss - United States - Billings

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

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By omfgnooo - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 05:01

Favoritism

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her daughter "I can't wait for you to make me a real grandma." I'm pregnant with their first grandchild. FML

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By frustrated! - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

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By fuck you, kid - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

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By Brandy_Dandy78 - United States

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

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By Jessey - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

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By magomag - United States - Fair Lawn

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

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By blairheir721 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

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By ugh - United States

Smooth talker

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

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By Forded - United States

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

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By collegestudent

Today, I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book at an airport. A woman asked me what I was reading, so I told her. She said, "Oh, so you have children?" Since I'm in my early twenties, I was taken aback and said no. She replied slower and louder, "Oh, so you have a childlike mind?" FML

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By lifeonfire12 - Canada

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

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By [email protected]

Just in case

Today, a customer threatened to kick my balls in if I didn’t give her a hot chocolate. I had already explained to her that it wasn’t working. She’s a regular so anytime I see her now I cover my balls just in case. FML

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By msamberjade - United States - Columbus

New movie

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

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By An. - 11/1/2021 15:01 - United States - Denver

Good job

Today, after a really bad day, I just wanted to order DoorDash. When my food came, I saw my burger had tomatoes in it, despite requesting no tomatoes. I’m deathly allergic. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

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By phillyfan4life - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

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By FireoftheFuture - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

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By life insurance for 1 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

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By svenska75 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

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By me - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

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By today

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

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By dan - Reserved

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

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Top comments

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#7542 - Thursday 26 February 2009 4:43

AW THAT SUCKS!!!!!!! im so sorry dude. its so hard to get through!!!! man. i feel your pain just thinking about it.

WHY THE FUCK WAS YOUR PHONE ON MUTE????

By pk24 | 0

#7593 - Thursday 26 February 2009 6:14

this was my first day with my new phone and i hit the mute button without knowing it, it sucked but i ended up buying the tickets anyway

COMMENTS

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#7542 - Thursday 26 February 2009 4:43

AW THAT SUCKS!!!!!!! im so sorry dude. its so hard to get through!!!! man. i feel your pain just thinking about it.

WHY THE FUCK WAS YOUR PHONE ON MUTE????

Reply

#1809633 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:52

those are lie they always charge u something or force u to stay in a specific hotel u have to pay

Reply

IdaE | 17

#5107992 - Friday 2 November 2012 14:13

Dafuq? 43

By fmler85 | 0

#7543 - Thursday 26 February 2009 4:44

ah i would be pissed! that's so frustrating!

By TheSkaAssassin | 0

#7549 - Thursday 26 February 2009 4:46

that sucks

Reply

TheGreastest | 24

#6387187 - Thursday 20 August 2015 23:35

You don't say?

By BrandOldDucky | 0

#7553 - Thursday 26 February 2009 4:51

Next time try speakerphone. Not mute. Ugh. People.

By PureGold | 0

#7554 - Thursday 26 February 2009 4:51

OH NO!!!! I'm so sorry, that REALLY, REALLY sucks. I can just imagine how frustrating that would be x(. I never even try for those radio contests cause I know I won't win anything.

By Amkii | 0

#7562 - Thursday 26 February 2009 5:13

=( Aw man... that sucks ass. I'm sorry!!

By holynemesis1208 | 3

#7565 - Thursday 26 February 2009 5:18

hosea won top chef. the pain.

By Karis_fml | 0

#7586 - Thursday 26 February 2009 6:05

Sucks for you. >.<

By pk24 | 0

#7593 - Thursday 26 February 2009 6:14

this was my first day with my new phone and i hit the mute button without knowing it, it sucked but i ended up buying the tickets anyway

By paljoey | 0

#7594 - Thursday 26 February 2009 6:14

i cannot say anything other than i cant say anything to this...............