Miscellaneous: Today, I received official notification that my license was being...

By Notabum - 31/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 018

You deserved it 2 878

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

This Charming Man

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 035

You deserved it 2 350

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 052

You deserved it 7 575

By Screwed - 03/10/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 919

You deserved it 3 125

By upupandaway - 30/01/2012 23:51 - United States

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 393

You deserved it 9 946

By Anonymous - 29/07/2015 12:04 - United States - Camden

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 721

You deserved it 2 544

Supervision

By cocoapuffs4life - 10/06/2015 23:45 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 644

You deserved it 1 715

By lanikai610 - 26/10/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 297

You deserved it 7 586

By shaunaaa - 17/02/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 261

You deserved it 5 323

By flowerman - 26/12/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 972

You deserved it 5 198

By #[email protected] - 27/12/2018 16:00

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 632

By Mexican - 19/06/2016 03:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 372

You deserved it 1 477

By whaleninjapoop - 06/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 561

You deserved it 5 977

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 835

You deserved it 2 852

By i love stupid people - 14/07/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 107

By torchy - 10/05/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 809

You deserved it 52 640

By meee - 13/01/2010 00:55 - United States

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 482

You deserved it 23 460

By notenoughunderwearintheworld - 21/07/2013 20:54 - South Africa - Durban

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 545

You deserved it 4 901

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 41 360

By butterbody - 23/03/2014 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 894

You deserved it 6 770

By geoduck - 10/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 637

You deserved it 4 644

By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 408

You deserved it 297

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 805

You deserved it 5 330

By Littlethings1 - 31/03/2016 17:07 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 128

You deserved it 1 882

By Puick - 26/12/2013 23:50 - France - Sonchamp

Today, I went to a party organised by my ex. I was the last to sit down, after looking at the nametags on all 50+ chairs. That's how I realised the chair labelled "Fuckface" was mine; the one located between her parents' seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 540

You deserved it 9 756

By perfectmoment - 30/11/2009 00:47 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 5 972

By Not turnt - 27/07/2015 19:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 556

You deserved it 2 572

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 020

You deserved it 2 691

Take the L

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 09:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 969

You deserved it 4 929

Get the message

By Confession - 16/05/2016 02:07 - Belgium

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 277

You deserved it 3 841

By mommytobe - 05/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 118

You deserved it 2 503

Every day I'm hustlin'

By Allen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 282

You deserved it 3 238

By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/04/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 333

By emilyhendrix0414 - 28/09/2012 10:53 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 336

You deserved it 6 560

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 810

You deserved it 7 011

By Mattrd - 05/02/2013 00:42 - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 637

You deserved it 3 915

By elizabethyeo - 20/02/2012 10:01 - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 426

You deserved it 46 161

By Not Homeless - 06/03/2015 01:38 - United States - Montclair

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 217

You deserved it 3 355

By poop - 28/02/2012 07:10 - United States

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 813

You deserved it 12 938

Manlet issues

By falling short - 20/03/2015 15:26 - India - Mumbai

Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 2 932

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 18:32 - Norway

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 373

You deserved it 3 342

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:19

Why are you leaving your ID to where your brother is not only able to steal it, but return it? Multiple times?

Happy_Elf 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:07

Now just do the same to him ^_^

Happy_Elf 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:07

Now just do the same to him ^_^

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 2

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 21:58

Shit in your brother's bed, and in his mouth while he sleeps.

kykyshay 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:22

OP,do you look like a man then?

kykyshay 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:25

oops, I thought it was a girl, never mind my comment..

KingOfPandas 13

Send a private message

Thursday 8 September 2016 7:15

But if its his younger brother is stealing his ID them wouldn't OP's younger bother be a minor?

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:19

Why are you leaving your ID to where your brother is not only able to steal it, but return it? Multiple times?

no1askdu 5

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:30

unless at midnight when your sleeping he takes your ID, gets drunk then drives with it...how did u not know this was going on....

Sakke 4

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:22

Ahaha, that one's evil. But I figure you can ask them to proove it was you - if you have an alibi, they have nothing on you.

kykyshay 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:23

U G L Y you ain't got no alibi! (op)

moonlight_daze 8

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:37

If you lent your license to your drunken brother then YDI. If he took it without your permission then FYL.

Pmm368 5

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 13:56

I don't think you can lend your license to some one as your picture is on the I.D. I am sure that if you lent your license to some one, that person would look totally different..unless the OP and his brother happen to be twins.

i_is_a_tr00l 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:41

YDI FOR NOT OWNING A CHI STRAIGHTNER! It's the best straightner ever. ;]

moonlight_daze 8

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 13:16

Teenage girls aren't usually the best trolls.

Flamersplamer 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 15:42

moron

allie2590 30

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 17:38

Did you fry your brains out with that straightener of yours?

xyourstruly3 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 12:52

wooow why u let him us ur id .. shoudnt you have that on you @ all times ?

SubaruWRXSTI 16

Send a private message

Monday 4 July 2016 6:29

Is it really that hard to spell out words and use proper grammar?

akvandervort 21

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 13:06

I don't understand how this is possible? Are you guys identical twins or something? Or are cops in your area just stupid?

moonlight_daze 8

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 13:10

Yeah. I didn't understand that either.

liquidbunny 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 August 2009 14:09

Some times the cops can be that stupid. But the OP said they were brothers which comes with a high possibility that they look alike. So maybe he was able to get away with his I.D. How his brother was able to get ahold of it and return it is another matter. Still an fyl because there are some serious legal issues with identity theft that the OP will have a hard time convincing people it was his brother not him.