By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 03:42 - Australia - Wheelers Hill
The Top
Message in a mattress
By FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States
Don't think so highly of yourself
By Book by its cover - 08/10/2022 10:00 - United States - Federal Way
By eagerbeaver - 03/09/2009 04:37 - United States
By Noname - 21/02/2009 07:34 - United States
Blending Nemo
By hhaghigh - 14/03/2020 00:08 - United States
By Cherie - 31/08/2009 21:18 - United States
By DuCkBuBbLeS - 20/02/2009 21:19 - United States
Help!
By LGFLIPSTER - 31/08/2009 03:32 - Canada
By Kev - 19/02/2009 23:42 - Canada
By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla
Eternally romantic
By singledumbfuck - 22/03/2020 03:30
Training
By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States
By Unhelpful - 07/02/2012 04:27 - United States
Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…
By ThanksAsshole - 28/03/2020 20:00
Classy
By EK. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
By Cossack_Man - 25/08/2009 20:07 - United States
Love language
By upupandaway - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States
By apparentlythereisnokarma - 01/01/2013 21:00 - Canada - Didsbury
By Username - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United States
By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States
Night snack
By adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Leiden
By oldandmarriedapparently - 02/03/2010 05:15 - United States
By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States
By marcranger - 06/12/2013 02:30 - United States - Littleton
marcranger tells us more.
By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States
By emchocolat - 16/12/2012 16:55 - Europe
emchocolat_fml tells us more.
Thanks for your comments and highly original puns ! Just to clear the language issue up: "I was burgled" is correct British English (as opposed to American English) and means "Somebody broke into my house and stole things that belonged to me". "Burglarized" is the American synonym. The site said I come from Europe - I do, but it's a big place. I come from England and I live in Mayotte, a French territory in the Indian Ocean.
By aaalias34 - 26/02/2010 11:13 - United States
By ali456 - 01/12/2013 15:16 - United Kingdom - Dudley
ali456 tells us more.
For those who are saying what he did was 'quite fishy', I have to agree. His excuse was, and I quote, "I only realised I had to pick you up half way through the journey, and there was no point turning back". I'm currently not speaking to him, for pretty obvious reasons, and he's now staying at his parents house. The reason I 'normally wouldn't have minded' is because if I wasn't pregnant, and if it wasn't raining, I easily could've caught the bus or walked home and sorted him out afterwards! He is also friends with his ex, and I've met her and spoken to her on quite casual terms before. And for the people who called me a 'chump' and said that I 'shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place', thank you - I'll keep it in mind for next time!
By lolzboss - 07/03/2011 19:04 - United States
Keywords
This actually happened a couple years ago, and to answer everyone's implied questions, yes he is now my ex, yes this incident was the catalyst, yes I called the cops, and yes I got the car back! After standing outside for a few seconds with my jaw flapping in the wind, then realizing my phone was in the car to top everything else off, I went back inside and had the attendant dial the local cops. Since I knew the make, model, license plate, and rough direction where the cockhole was going, it was pretty easy to track down. He did have the audacity to call me and ask (demand, actually) that I bail his ass out, but I laughed and hung up. I ultimately wound up dropping the charges, since his parents are very well-connected in their hometown, and I knew the lawyer they got him would have been able to get him off on probation or something equally pathetic. But mostly I dropped them because the family was wealthy and vindictive enough that I could have seen them suing me (!!!) to get back the cost of the lawyer's fees, and once it was all said and done, I just wanted a clean break. He had some mental health issues (depression, alcoholism, longtime unemployment) going on way before this, and I'd been weighing my options for getting out for a while. At least his real-life GTA5 enactment gave me the chance I needed!