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By soph511 - 30/07/2012 18:05 - France - Hyères

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 575

You deserved it 4 696

By EosThorn - 02/10/2014 01:33 - Sweden - V?xj?

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 297

You deserved it 6 699

EosThorn tells us more.

EosThorn 7

Friday 3 October 2014 8:08

OP here. I don't know if I'm doing this correctly, but here goes. Thank you for the encouraging comments, even the harsh ones. I'm aware of how ridiculous this sounds... Trust me. I have two good female friends who I'm sure are tired of me harping away on this. It hasn't been years of me staring at him through foggy windows, all sad. I've dated other people and so has he. It wasn't easy because truly, I love him. Circumstances just didn't allow for us to be together... Whether he wanted to or not. So, I chose to keep his friendship and not risk it. We are adults now and things have changed. It's perfect, but I feel like so much time has passed that he no longer sees me as a girl he'd want to be with now that its possible. We have a special bond and as much as it devastates me to think he would reject me, it would kill me to see everything we have just turn into something ugly.

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 20:32 - United States

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 862

You deserved it 3 169

Walnut head

By Anonymous - 16/03/2017 02:00

Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 788

You deserved it 549

By summerbabe77 - 22/07/2012 03:58 - United States - Medford

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 978

You deserved it 2 970

By Anon - 05/12/2009 14:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 259

You deserved it 17 265

By Fish - 07/04/2017 02:00

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 566

You deserved it 1 520

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By forever alone - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 1 089

By wtf_fml_0609 - 01/11/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 582

You deserved it 26 118

By Anonymous - 01/11/2015 15:12

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 333

You deserved it 1 334

Creeped out

By Really jealous - 26/01/2021 09:31 - India

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 244

By no spare - 19/12/2016 19:22 - United States - Marquette

Today, I woke up to find out that the two front tires on our van were flat. Now we won't have a vehicle all week since the tire shop is booked solid. We just went through this with the rear tires two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 135

You deserved it 751

We met a lot later!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Warsaw

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 394

You deserved it 53 068

By BlakeVB - 25/05/2019 14:18

Today, the girl that I had a crush on for over a year, from whom I recently moved on from, told me that she likes me. I’m dating a new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 292

By Oli974 - 22/10/2015 13:08 - France - N?ves-parmelan

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 65

By needabettermirror - 14/12/2016 11:07 - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 074

You deserved it 2 999

Kinda is

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 18:00

Today, my blind date got up and left the table before our food had even arrived, saying he wasn't going to bother with me. Apparently bringing my own bottle of ranch for dipping is "weird" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 2 823

By TriangularBanana - 10/12/2016 22:50 - United States - Houston

Today, I babysat my little cousin. He thought that a glue stick would have the same effect as chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 800

You deserved it 764

LOL AWKS

By Anonymous - 03/06/2019 04:29

Today, I decided to finally tell my name to this really hot guy I had been anonymously chatting with for a couple of weeks. He said he would be fine with whoever I am, and want to go out with me. After sending my name, there was a long, awkward pause, and his last reply to me was, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 329

Sorry not sorry

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 00:01

Today, I miscarried my baby. My teen sister, who has autism and can’t handle being around children, congratulated me on getting my freedom back, and also on miscarrying before I got fat like our mom. I can’t even yell at her because she wouldn’t understand why I’m upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 169

Make it so

By MissArizona - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 966

You deserved it 4 134

By Anonymous - 16/06/2012 00:00 - United States - Medina

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 597

You deserved it 4 707

By swallowsafly - 08/06/2019 04:00

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 150

What what?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 1 501

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 954

You deserved it 39 087

By Balls - 27/05/2017 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 558

Stupid rule

By mommy - 23/06/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 1 363

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 77

By mackmackey - 18/05/2013 23:15 - United States - Phoenix

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 756

You deserved it 3 919

mackmackey tells us more.

mackmackey 9

Monday 20 May 2013 5:28

hey OP here, thanks to many of you for suggesting a lawsuit, I'll consider it! Btw, it was at an urgent care and not a real hospital

By ezrocks4u - 20/09/2015 13:58 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the nicest present I received for my 18th birthday was a free razor in the mail. It was then stolen by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 010

You deserved it 1 705

ezrocks4u tells us more.

ezrocks4u 29

Monday 21 September 2015 1:05

Hi, OP here. To give some context, I got a few t shirts for my birthday. My birthday was a month ago(thanks for the birthday wishes!) but only found out about the fact that my mom stole said razor a day ago, because I saw the package addressed to me in the trash. Needless to say, it is too late to steal back. I had posted another birthday FML(from the actual day of) never got posted. Got locked outside of my car in the rain for 3 hours, couldn't afford a locksmith, and missed my birthday dinner.