Guys, calm down. Yes, I was giving him a handjob, big deal. Ever heard of foreplay? "Sexy-time" had just started. Trust me, we were getting to the rest. And we have been engaged long enough that I was used to the ring and didn't notice that I still had it on.

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That's a turn off

I can just picture a man and woman waddling to the kitchen. I hope you guys don't have large windows!

Comments

Hand jobs seem to not end very well.

For the guy they do....

That's a turn off

Really? Because I thought hand jobs were turn ons? Plus he got a free man-scape. It was a two birds with one stone situation. Or should I say two birds with one boner?;)

Who are you? Perdix? No. DocBastard? No. Those are my two FML hero's and since you are neither, hop off.

Bro, you're just mean.

You honestly take me seriously? Dayumm. :P

Why would I care who your hero's are? You made a stupid comment. Expect to get shit for it.

I think this is the first time I've seen an FML fight. *grabs seat and popcorn* ..oh wait.. I'm Part of it too O____o

*steals the popcorn*

*steals it back* *points sword* *jack sparrow voice* now don't get any closer to mah bloody treasure and I promise to not throw yah o'er tha bloody brig.

32- there won't be a fight. This is a website of funny situations were everyone is entitled to an opinion, I may not agree with others but that's because it's an opinion. He is trying to instigate a fight and tell me what's going to happen when honestly 98% of the users could give a fuck less about what either of us have to say. I don't fight, I make logical appeals and walk away. Sorry to disappoint.

Bitch please, I'll turn into a pony and trample you, Jack Sparrow.

42- can I still eat my popcorn? :3 ^ mister sparrow eats ponies for breakfast.

Yes Lorenzoman, yes you can. You sir get a spot in my about me.

Not ponies that mutilate other ponies and bake them into cupcakes.

*bows* why thank you sir, I am most pleased to hear that :D

lorenzoman77 check my about me section.

53- it's like Miami bath salts all over again.. Except with...... Duh duh duuuuh! *whispers* ponies D':

DUN DUN DUUUUUN~ Want a cupcake? :D

Lol but popcorn is expensive at movie theaters

60 - it's because of the faggots who sneak shit in, that means they aren't meeting their profit quota and they raise the prices. I work at a theater. I have for a long time.

57-ALRIGHT!:D popcorn friendship ftw 60- but tooootally worth it.. :3

Did I hear something about children fighting?! Wait, is it over..? Goddammit!

64- FINALLY! *hands you a cupcake* Baked it myself! Edit: Wow I'm an idiot. I thought that said 53. //shot

She poisoned it

Holds rag up to #68. Does this cloth smell like Chloroform to you? Quit poisoning cupcakes.

70- What? Noooooo! *hides sleeping poison behind back* What would make you think that?

You are bad at hiding it, while I had actually poisoned the popcorn before he stole it back... I MEAN I ate some

75- I don't kill them with poison though, I just put a sleeping drug into it so I can make their skin into party streamers and use their insides to make cupcakes-- I MEAN I POKE THEM... With a scalpel...

Haha ok I'm just going to walk away *eats the cupcake he's holding* ... Fuck

This conversation just took a very interesting turn... O__o lmao

You started it

Why yes Lorenzo, I believe we have a... *sunglasses* SHITTY SITUATION. YEEEAAAAHHHH! That didn't make sense. My brain no function proper at nighttime.

Indeed I did. I feel proud :3

You should lol, btw did he get banned O.o look at his pic :P And why does it say my profile Is private still, I told it to not be XD

No, he didn't get banned if he was talking to us a few minutes ago.

Yea he did, he got banned from saying [email protected] I feel bad :( its in his about me.

Holy shit! He actually did! You know what Lorenzo? You're cool, I won't turn you into a cupcake.

Haha why thank you! Now I feel extra proud today :3 #accomplished ^ *looks around* wait... You mean to tell me this is not twitter?! It's like...inception!

42 - your first post wasnt an opinion it was a statement... Also your response back was the hostile instigating post... Your first post was a response in which you tried to be clever (statement) but failed miserably (opinion)

Can I just say hi to this fml moderators out there reading our weird thread XD

Yeah, it is. I'd hate for that to happen if I was a guy and if I was the guy. It would hurt like hell!

Wait what? Where are the comments I'm going crazy

100- I think of it as a second chance to say something intelligent and related to the FML.

F the fml second chance! Lol jk I'm so confused too!! D: where are our comments? I was actually writing some pretty good ones :(

Ok whew I'm not the only one, maybe they got mad? They keep getting deleted XD

Ok seriously guys? I wrote something related to this comment and you still delete it? Really?

Can a moderator comment and tell me what's going on

Too many comments?

Moderators, please. Stop deleting our comments. I actually said something related to the FML and you still deleted it.

I'm guessing you're a lefty…

That's why next time you just skip the handjobs and go right to the belly button bonanza.

I feel like it would've been smarter to just take the ring off.

Would've been more awkward if the scissors were shitty and latched to his pubes..

Using the same scissors to cut pubes and for cooking purposes.

Must have been a very hairy situation.

pics or it didn't happen :0 jk

That wouldn't be an interesting sight lol

Lol but I guess some people might get something out of it XD

I tend to stay away from those 'people'.

Lol yeah that is a good idea

No, no, you're right. Pics or didn't happen.

That's just sick!!!!! Pics really I swear people on here are dumb!!!

144 - Look up "joke" in the dictionary please.

I'm joking and serious at the same time ; Pics or it didn't happen, yes, but would I like to see them? No.

I can just picture a man and woman waddling to the kitchen. I hope you guys don't have large windows!

I can just imagine how the honeymoon is going to go... O_____O

That reminds me across my street I saw my new neighbors oddly doing this same thing. Tom is that you? ; ]

why of all the scissors, the kitchen scissors! D:

44's comment is so off topic its baffling... Its like we are talking about video games and someone just says something about hotdogs. Comment is invalid.

129 - Sooo... About the Miami Heat... xD

129 Maybe it's just me, but his comment doesn't seem that random.

44 is suggesting that since they are so incapable of doing simple couple things together, that the honey moon will likely be exceedingly more disastrous (as it is a bigger event than a hand job). The OP was very specific about their marital status, also (they are engaged), so with all that in mind . . . it is relevant.

Your face is invalid.... Oh wait that's your phone covering up a portion of it... Fiancé giving a handjob means wedding in the midst so yea the persons comment is valid

Above comment for #129

142 - the heat got lucky with the Celtics.

Wow im a dumb ass ... I didnt even notice they were engaged, i deserve all the thumbs down i get :/ oh well lol i guess the -11 thumbs on 44's comment made it more like an irrelevant post in my view

Well it sounds like they will eventually have a honey moon. It's not that much of a stretch. He already sprung for a ring.

Siickman, talking about hotdogs and video games is offtopic...

I know, I was making an example of off topic things while being off topic,Its topiception. Im a dumb ass.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

No, 11, nobody was watching her give her fiancé a handjob because that would be fucking weird. Even if someone was watching, then they wouldn't have had to try and get to the kitchen in the awkward position they were in. I'm still in shock that you'd even ask such a stupid question.

I believe what 11 meant was; Was anyone in the kitchen? Because it would not have been weird for someone to be in the kitchen.

Your obviously Asian so you wouldn't understand

My comment was moderated because I said a nationality as a form of not knowing what they are talking about.. But people call other people on here retarded or stupid which is bullying and leads to suicide or murderous intentions .. Therefore concluding go moderate people with intentions of bullying rather than my innocent comment .. Show respect FML

Looks like we all learned a lesson here

Yup... Blow-jobs are much safer.

Only if the girl doesn't have braces *shudders*

Or if she's a cannibal.

"handjob is like a really slow movie that gets really good at the end"

He still got a hand job,seems like a win to me lol

Not if his pubes get stuck while receiving a handjob.

shoulda pulled it out, only could have been a few...right?

I cringe at even the thought of this.... How about just NO!

You could have saved the awkwardness and gone to the bathroom to get the razor.