The Top

The challenge was to create a protocol for measuring the thickness of double and triple glazed windows (none of which open) around the company's building. Nothing to do with our actual jobs, most of us just figured it was a trick to get the new guys caught staring out of windows. He won't tell me his method...

By likearacehorse - 12/02/2013 22:58 - United States - Franklin Lakes

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 640

You deserved it 3 210

Twice error

By rkaneki - 09/11/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over two months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me seven years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 1 520

By missmirror - 02/05/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were "bored". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 699

You deserved it 5 017

Am I being detained?

By KidJwal - 28/02/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 569

You deserved it 6 981

Alexa, play "Jump" by Van Halen

By Thescarlettfox - 01/03/2020 21:00

Today, I had the brilliant idea of jumping off a swing at its highest point. I can now add two things to my list of accomplishments: making out with a tree and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 1 463

This is wrong

By WTF - 05/09/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 852

You deserved it 3 441

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Username - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 577

You deserved it 3 244

Pay attention

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 662

You deserved it 3 238

Wake up, boo

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 20:01

Today, my daughter's school is furious because we were 3 hours late picking her up. My son, who was supposed to pick her up, apparently accidentally fell asleep after masturbating himself to exhaustion, which is why when we finally got home he was asleep with his pants down, porn still playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 291

Check this out!

By exposed - 15/03/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 773

You deserved it 35 729

By ridella - 08/04/2011 10:35

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 842

You deserved it 5 474

By hurt - 14/03/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 602

You deserved it 2 905

Forever

By fmynote - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 339

You deserved it 29 834

By Crashed - 01/01/2014 18:21 - United States - Evans

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 498

You deserved it 5 347

Pleased to meet you

By Noname - 16/02/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I went in for my second day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was about the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 76 803

By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 389

You deserved it 3 158

By Username - 28/03/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 360

You deserved it 5 476

Boozehound

By fuck you mom - 17/04/2020 20:00

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 929

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 178

You deserved it 7 790

Compensating

By Jpev - 12/05/2016 01:09 - United States - Huntsville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 129

You deserved it 4 401

By ruffrider - 05/02/2009 14:09 - United States

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 740

You deserved it 65 489

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 044

You deserved it 52 197

By JazzSpazz - 11/08/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 939

You deserved it 24 162

Harshing my buzz

By why... - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life when she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 3 213

By Renzy - 12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 422

You deserved it 7 605

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The Top

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 5 644

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 227

You deserved it 87 154

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 267

You deserved it 1 385

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 104

Today, it’s been four months since my cheating ex-girlfriend dumped me for someone else’s dick. She was offered a monthly six figure OnlyFans contract. Since then she’s been living life care-free while I struggle to pick up the pieces. Back to being single and still working my ass off to be broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 160

Today, I had my first job interview in ages. I went in early, but instead of anyone telling me, they waited for the manager to come and get mad at me because it was supposed to be an online interview. I apologized and we went ahead with the interview, but she seemed disinterested and annoyed. I don’t think I got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 69