Love: Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for...

By Anonymous - 09/01/2016 05:38 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 968

You deserved it 2 444

Love

Best teeth in the game

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Spreading

Vibrate mode

By ChiefKoala - 27/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Rockwood

Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 202

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 839

You deserved it 4 572

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 00:30 - Australia - Mypolonga

Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 944

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 670

You deserved it 3 977

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 831

You deserved it 2 283

By lulabell - 19/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 227

You deserved it 43 849

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 810

You deserved it 3 724

By Overworked - 30/09/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 326

You deserved it 3 213

Strong incel vibes

By anotherdayfml - 04/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told a guy that I was on birth control. He decided that it would be best for us not to continue speaking with each other. I never would've thought taking care of myself would be a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 149

By TheFriskyBadger - 12/07/2016 23:57

Today, a customer complained that her salad had "too much lettuce." Her bowl was less than half-filled with lettuce and the rest was cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 206

You deserved it 761

By twatstick - 21/08/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 683

You deserved it 3 351

Wrong way down a one way strrreeeeet

By WrongTrainGuy - 27/05/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I took the wrong train and didn’t realise it until it arrived in Aberdeen. Eight hours from where I was meant to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 841

By Anonymous - 03/06/2018 06:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, I finally came out to my dad, who is a priest, as gay. He responded by splashing me with holy water to "banish the demon within" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 559

You deserved it 793

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 10:06 - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 944

You deserved it 48 921

By buttuglyforeveralone :( - 05/07/2013 21:37 - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 441

You deserved it 3 480

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 4 565

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 012

You deserved it 6 575

By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 369

You deserved it 4 149

By Morgan - 03/02/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him, "About a dollar?" He said, "Wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 3 041

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 664

You deserved it 2 251

By ooops - 03/09/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 911

You deserved it 43 162

By Noname - 21/01/2009 12:36 - Canada

Today, I woke up with this terrible toothache and called my mother for a lift to the dentist. This super-dentist-chick enters in and says: "Nice to meet you, your mother just told me you're afraid of dentists?" I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 642

You deserved it 3 568

By Ruby Lore - 20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 451

You deserved it 332

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 698

You deserved it 718

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 006

You deserved it 37 957

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 04:57 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 637

You deserved it 17 462

By spiderinmylips - 24/06/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 048

You deserved it 7 463

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 791

You deserved it 2 932

That's gonna cost ya!

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 15:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I accidentally stepped on the metal prongs of an extension cord. After pulling it out of my sock, I noticed that all three of the prongs were covered in blood; they penetrated my foot. It bled like a gunshot wound for several minutes, and now my foot is unbearably sore, making it painful to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 139

By fuckoffgran - 01/08/2013 14:46 - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 371

You deserved it 5 673

By Jim - 28/03/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 207

You deserved it 82 465

By hannahg - 24/03/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 791

By Sucker - 12/10/2009 19:31 - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 502

You deserved it 3 578

By purged - 08/06/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 8 630

By My eyes were on the prize - 12/03/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 057

You deserved it 1 045

No Future

By Notgoodenough - 11/03/2021 23:01

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who lived in Tennessee, moved to Georgia to be with his long-distance girlfriend. I live in Georgia too, and last year he broke up with me after two years together because he “didn’t see a future in Georgia” to be with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 116

By xXangelaXx - 21/08/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 159

You deserved it 6 072

By Frozen Food Fan - 11/08/2015 14:29 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 906

You deserved it 5 515

By Triumvirate - 16/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 642

You deserved it 41 999

Consent

By jon - 31/08/2012 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 617

You deserved it 18 011

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Top comments

HelenLFC 27

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Sunday 10 January 2016 6:42

Even if you do, so what? He's a jerk, not you.

igottapee 27

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Sunday 10 January 2016 6:59

spending that long to take a picture is crazy. you should have people take pictures of you when you are out having fun. it looks better and less desperate than someone who puts nothing but selfies. especially takes that long to take one good one just be yourself:)

HelenLFC 27

Send a private message

Sunday 10 January 2016 6:42

Even if you do, so what? He's a jerk, not you.

ugaboykin 9

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Sunday 10 January 2016 6:43

Hey, Rosie O'Donnell is a very attractive woman...

LilMissCanadian 22

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Sunday 10 January 2016 7:24

The person who posted this FML is a male. OP, don't let assholes like the one who insulted you get to you. It's their problem, not yours.

Rainbowkupkake 11

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Sunday 10 January 2016 16:30

actually the signs female.....sooooo

sboghani 9

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Sunday 10 January 2016 18:34

Can you read?

ugaboykin 9

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Sunday 10 January 2016 23:28

Yeah, in hindsight this comment was rather tasteless. My sincerest apologies. In reference to the original FML, I hope both my and the comment in the FML fade out of the OP's memory quickly. I know how disconcerting it can be to try and put your best foot forward on social media and be so brutally put down like OP was. I regret that I perpetuated that.