Work: Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole...

By Branman2480 - 19/09/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 396

You deserved it 4 109

Work

Compromises

Taking stock

New life

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 463

By Anonymous - 11/05/2014 22:49 - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 219

You deserved it 5 409

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 699

You deserved it 7 711

By Anonymous - 13/02/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 892

You deserved it 3 063

By Loose Goose - 24/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 687

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 9 573

By KatVanGogh - 26/08/2013 01:16 - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 275

You deserved it 3 140

Rejection

By creditwhore - 24/02/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year-old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 2 873

By what sex life? - 02/08/2016 06:26 - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 154

You deserved it 2 856

By Cheyenne - 11/07/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 230

You deserved it 3 688

How romantic!

By dislocated - 14/02/2018 20:30

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 607

You deserved it 848

Jammed

By stinky car - 16/08/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 978

You deserved it 10 393

Fire hazard

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 17:11

Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 28/11/2012 06:32 - United States - Madison

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 629

You deserved it 3 372

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 18:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 4 432

By justpeachy - 08/03/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 437

You deserved it 2 531

Student life

By gofixmyhead - 30/08/2011 14:53 - United Kingdom

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 083

You deserved it 3 978

By aero00 - 27/07/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 13 480

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 08:32 - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 500

You deserved it 17 519

Summertime sadness

By littl3storm - 09/06/2020 05:04

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 377

By Anonymous - 07/06/2017 20:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 076

You deserved it 253

By clubber - 04/11/2008 04:16 - Switzerland

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 236

You deserved it 9 012

By ThePopeMan - 17/03/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 993

You deserved it 23 013

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 00:29 - United States - Wooster

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 748

You deserved it 1 924

By My__life___ - 21/05/2014 00:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 391

You deserved it 29 135

Caught in 4K

By Frank S. - 17/06/2021 19:59

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 1 599

By pubquizgenius - 27/01/2010 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 828

You deserved it 25 303

By forever dog-less - 22/12/2018 04:00

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 198

You deserved it 181

Free healthcare, now!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 10:02

Today, I flew to America for my dad's funeral. I broke my vials of insulin and went to a pharmacy for a refill. No one told me they charge for insulin in America. One vial cost 270 dollars, the funeral is three days away and after booking a hotel, I have 6 dollars to feed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 6 636

Father of the year

By Anonymous - 31/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realised that anyone who claims they enjoyed spending quality time together with their spouse and children during quarantine is a liar, a big fat liar. I know my kids aren’t even 10 yet, but god, I can’t wait for them to get houses of their own and move the fuck out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 1 888

Grief is weird

By Denni - 03/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 45

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 1 139

By evilsandwich - 06/03/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 918

You deserved it 2 124

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 16:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 738

You deserved it 6 260

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 849

You deserved it 6 148

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 246

You deserved it 59 895

By Anonymous - 13/08/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. He tells me that I've developed a severe allergy to contact lenses and must stop wearing them immediately. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't just visited him a week earlier, paid for a new prescription and ordered a year's worth of brand new lenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 600

You deserved it 3 986

By NittanyMangini - 26/05/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 219

You deserved it 1 504

By French - 04/05/2011 17:29 - Switzerland

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 923

You deserved it 2 970

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Top comments

franticravyn 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:26

They say all teenagers scare the livin' shit outta me... They could care less as long as someone'll bleed.

underguarded 20

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:32

This sounds like a job for Chuck Norris. It's ass kicking time.

franticravyn 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:26

They say all teenagers scare the livin' shit outta me... They could care less as long as someone'll bleed.

facilitator 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:45

So darken your clothes, and strike a violent pose. Maybe they'll leave you alone, BUT NOT ME

phoenixslayer69 4

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Monday 19 September 2011 13:05

Best part about having a emo lawn is it cuts itself....

LiveLaughFML 10

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Monday 19 September 2011 13:14

at least you weren't run over by a wheelchair =)

Pabs24 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 13:56

This story is. Fascinating.

dre_bro11 12

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Monday 19 September 2011 14:04

Phoenixslayer69, lock yourself in a round room and sit in the corner.

zombicidal 11

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Monday 19 September 2011 14:05

I used to listen to That song all the time I've always liked Hawthorne Heights more than MCR though

monkeys1315 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 17:24

That song is great. There lead singer is really hot in the video too.

LaydiexSkull 3

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 1:03

I used to hate MCR but loved HH I love both now though ^-^

zendaddy0 0

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 3:43

woo we hit someone BONUS POINTS

RedSharpieInk 5

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 3:45

Smart kids :D

kayayye 22

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Sunday 11 October 2015 4:58

this comment deserves endless likes

IAmNotAnAnimal 9

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:28

Should have jumped on the snowboard.

markrs 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 15:11

YDI for trying to ruin their fun you little fucker. Jk ;p

HowAreYouToday 34

Monday 19 September 2011 15:58

It's not cool to post something mean, then say "jk". It is quite rude... Don't do it anymore

agaba 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 23:06

Omg that was you op oh well sorry we were having to much fun

StrangerDangerr 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:28

I have a feeling you wreathe only one trying to stop them.

StrangerDangerr 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:30

Were the. I fixed my mistake.

underguarded 20

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:32

This sounds like a job for Chuck Norris. It's ass kicking time.

RavagedSouI 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:51

Bruce Lee owned Chuck in the movies =/

siege10 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:57

They trained together and on top of that it was a movie...

RavagedSouI 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 14:22

I know but hell, I find Chuck Norris jokes being used too often

picupbart 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 16:49

Landing it in the first shot is called hole in one. then it's an eagle, birdie, par, bogey... but landing it BEFORE you hit it... that's a Chuck Norris!

NabbdjuretPerry 0

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:33

That is like triple bogey.

salvorican 24

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:35

That's why you shouldn't stand RIGHT in front of fast moving objects.. Especially since I'm pretty sure that golf cart was more dangerous than you

siickman 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:37

i wanna try tht so bad!!

prinzess_fml 25

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Monday 19 September 2011 14:02

But what was the snowboard doing on that golf course?

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Monday 19 September 2011 14:51

Whoever rides the snowboard for 15 seconds gets 50 points.

Enigmax2514 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 12:38

It seems * put on sunglasses * you got punked... YEAHHHHH!!!...

Enigmax2514 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 16:05

It wasn't supposed to be, and thank you *puts on sunglasses* captain duh. YEAHHHHHH!!!!

wild_n_out 8

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Monday 19 September 2011 17:15

if it wasn't suppose to be funny, why'd you post it?

iRiS890 5

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Monday 19 September 2011 18:55

The real question should be: Who the hell says captain duh? Sorry guys, I left my sunglasses at home.

Enigmax2514 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 18:55

Wait, people are only supposed to post phrases like that when it's funny? Wow I didn't know that can you guys show me where does any rule book that says that? Oh I'm sorry I guess it's just a mainstream people thing. Oh ok my bad, here thumb this down all you guys want then

iRiS890 5

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Monday 19 September 2011 19:01

Just stop. You're making it painfully OBVIOUS that you're a tard baby. Now, please explain to me why you would use duh instead of OBVIOUS. It's really bugging me.

Enigmax2514 7

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Monday 19 September 2011 19:56

Duh, obvious, aren't those two the same meaning? Now I even have to explain my own words to you? Tard baby? You sure don't know how to respect the differences of others so stfu and go back to your self-centered life Douche

iRiS890 5

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Monday 19 September 2011 20:10

THE PHRASE IS CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!! That's like calling Captain Planet, Captain Earth. It doesn't matter if they're the same/similar. Respect the phrase! Tard baby is a term of endearment, don't take it to heart.