The Top

Okay, okay. Let me clear up a couple things. lol. First, me and my husband were sneaking toppings, and I couldn't get the box shut again. I didn't think it would be a big deal, I had enough confidence in myself to make it from the car to the house without a mishap (foolishly.) Second, that was the last of just our spending money for the next couple days. I didn't go broke on pizza :) and lastly, the pizza did get replaced. we returned with the sad mess that was supposed to be dinner, we all wept a little, said a prayer for the pizzas that don't make it home, and they gave me a fresh new one :)

Party time!

By LegallyBored - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Regina

Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 300

You deserved it 748

Good girl

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 06:00

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who said, "Good girl" whenever I said anything that he agreed with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 315

Ex-Lax Time

By savagepixie - 01/06/2019 14:09

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 806

You deserved it 238

Canceled

By gonnabeunemployed - 08/12/2016 21:33

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 125

You deserved it 1 759

By DriedDeadFroggo - 04/06/2019 04:06

Today, my dog has figured out how to open screen doors on his own, by body checking them at full force, of course, like one does. This would be all fine and good, but we live by a lake with a considerable mosquito infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 178

Cheeky!

By Anonymous - 03/08/2014 05:16 - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 183

You deserved it 23 625

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 298

You deserved it 9 791

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 864

You deserved it 31 461

By LifeLikeLemons - 14/11/2016 23:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 474

You deserved it 2 512

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 02:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, it's my birthday and I had to work. My boss wished me a happy birthday, and then told me I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 05/11/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I finally finished my art project, which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in first period to give it to my professor. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 680

You deserved it 3 501

By xCZ75x - 13/06/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 195

You deserved it 741

You've got mail

By guest - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 473

You deserved it 2 095

Supportive

By ILOVELEDZEPPELIN - 06/07/2014 20:27 - United States - Wakefield

Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 586

You deserved it 6 040

By Sorry Not Sorry - 01/11/2016 14:01

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this "joke" a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 504

You deserved it 655

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 08/09/2015 22:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 919

You deserved it 2 913

By Alex - 26/06/2014 21:13 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 960

You deserved it 3 433

It wasn't me

By psycho ex - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Brazil

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 405

You deserved it 4 058

By Confused - 23/10/2016 05:05

Today, I woke up two hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 586

You deserved it 638

By professorsdaughter - 19/06/2014 05:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 774

You deserved it 4 860

By lafinesse - 14/05/2012 22:23

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 4 535

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 543

You deserved it 3 238

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 478

You deserved it 10 050

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 140

You deserved it 3 398

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 018

You deserved it 2 692

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 246

You deserved it 1 647

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a secret video folder of lesbians kissing from movies, TV shows, and games like The Last of Us, Arcane, Georgia and Ginny, and so on. He says it’s his ASMR folder because something about lesbian kissing noises is extra relaxing and helps him sleep. Yeah, right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 138