Intimacy: Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up....

By married an old man - 05/03/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 070

You deserved it 6 733

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Same thing different taste

By unwantedlove - 25/02/2011 18:36 - France

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 159

You deserved it 6 914

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 478

You deserved it 6 678

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

By MyLife - 06/02/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 585

You deserved it 2 632

Denied

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:28 - Canada

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 750

You deserved it 4 499

What are you doing?

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 412

You deserved it 19 395

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 792

You deserved it 5 500

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 5 621

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 208

You deserved it 4 277

rangerPat 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

I'll take dick husbands for a thousand, Alex.

beehardxcore 26

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:57

What is "how to effectively ****-block oneself?"

Comments

rangerPat 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

I'll take dick husbands for a thousand, Alex.

kevsandy303 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:00

"This man is known for rejecting sexual activity to watch gameshows." "What is... Morgan Freeman?" "Incorrect" "What is... OP's husband?" "Correct!"

MikeonFML 17

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:26

Who is*

ry24 12

Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:22

#63 I think you are just stereotyping males all out to be sex driven animals now

BRLHP 24

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

Tell him you want to play "double jeopardy"

upyourzlolz 11

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:16

Or he scored the Daily Double.

chanellgymnast 17

Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:55

Your username says it all, "married an old man". Too cute!

kevsandy303 12

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:55

He likes brains over beauty. I don't see the problem

EnterSandman_fml 20

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:07

So do zombies.

ThePK 5

Wednesday 6 March 2013 0:48

Ironically enough, wives are generally considered the ones to push aside sexual advances.

beehardxcore 26

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:57

What is "how to effectively ****-block oneself?"

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Tuesday 5 March 2013 22:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Mopmob02 18

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:46

I kind of disagree, Jeopardy has its moments; plus Alex Trebek is a funny guy.

klutz44 28

Wednesday 6 March 2013 3:28

Next time DVR. Then you get sex and Jeopardy! Maybe your husband will be less whiney too.

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:00

What is a massive cockblock? Jeopardy!

HowieDoIt 21

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:30

"Not now, trabek in a little while...Alex -plain later."

mmaflake 19

Wednesday 6 March 2013 0:25

I expect more from you pleo. Well done Howie

your_wife_sucks 3

Wednesday 6 March 2013 4:55

anyone notice the op's name lol

Bubbelz 25

Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:17

Yep, yep... Perhaps he fears a heart attack; having sex at a high age can be dangerous!

beddington 7

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:01

I'm sorry, that answer is incorrect....must be made in the form of a question.

perdix 29

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:01

What is "You need to find a boyfriend?" I'll take Impotent Potables for 200, Alex.

l23VIVE 17

Wednesday 6 March 2013 16:20

Turd Ferguson. See it's a funny name

Hamz1989 13

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:02

What a saucy asshole. I guess it's time for no sex time-out.

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:10

But she's also in time out.. Wouldn't it punish her even more?

beddington 7

Tuesday 5 March 2013 23:02

I'm sorry, that answer is incorrect....must be made in the form of a question.

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 334

You deserved it 4 257

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 65 008

The Top

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 218

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 815

You deserved it 8 370

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 132

You deserved it 9 045

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 393

You deserved it 3 338

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 638

You deserved it 3 526

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 724

Same thing different taste

Denied

What are you doing?

Buzzing the tower

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