Today, I've realized how badly my social anxiety disorder has affected my ability to bond with relatives. I sat in silent regret as I listened to cousins and aunts relate fond memories of our recently departed grandma during family dinner. It hurts to know I'll never have another chance with grandma. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML
Today, I found out my deceased grandmother never liked anything that I bought for her. She would never say anything to not hurt my feelings. The only reason I bought those things in the first place was because growing up she told me that she liked them. Now that she's gone, I'm hearing what she really thought. FML
Today, I skipped out on my grandmother's 70th birthday party. I'm autistic, and I have a hearing disorder that significantly enhances my hearing to a painful extent, so I couldn't tolerate how noisy it was. Now, my grandmother thinks I hate her because I put my mental health first. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandparents, as my grandmother may not have long left. When my stepfather wasn't grilling my visibly uncomfortable grandad about Bible passages, my mother was trauma-dumping about how hard her life has been, and how awful her marriage to my father was. They're his parents. FML
Today, my grandmother hates me. So much so that I've become a rotten, desperate, and overall evil person with no thoughts and considerations towards other people. My family doesn't know this, but I can never undo the damage she has done to me since birth (as she raised me). I only care about my own well-being, nothing else. FML
Today, at the end of my great grandmother's funeral, her daughter (my grandma) told me and my mother that she doesn’t have a reason to come back and visit anymore, and that everyone in her life is now gone. FML
Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML
Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML
Today, I found out that I was not invited to my grandma's 80th surprise birthday party. I found out about it from my mom who lives out of state. I’m the only immediate family that would've been able to come. Due to coronavirus, I also missed my grandpa's 80th birthday. Guess I’m 2/2 this year. FML
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Top comments
lalalaila777 24
sorry for your loss! i think an important take away is that you know you want to connect and that your anxiety affects that, so now you can try to find ways to connect with your loved ones that are still here so you won't have that regret again. positive and soothing energy to you 🙏🏽
Anderling 33
I think your grandmother likely understood that speaking to people was difficult for you, and she likely wouldn’t want you to keep beating yourself up over it. You might not have another chance with your grandmother, but you *do* have the chance to try and spend more time with your other relatives, if you want to. Social anxiety is difficult, but I think you can do it, if you want to.
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Comments (2)
lalalaila777 24
sorry for your loss! i think an important take away is that you know you want to connect and that your anxiety affects that, so now you can try to find ways to connect with your loved ones that are still here so you won't have that regret again. positive and soothing energy to you 🙏🏽
Anderling 33
I think your grandmother likely understood that speaking to people was difficult for you, and she likely wouldn’t want you to keep beating yourself up over it. You might not have another chance with your grandmother, but you *do* have the chance to try and spend more time with your other relatives, if you want to. Social anxiety is difficult, but I think you can do it, if you want to.