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The real friendzone

By friendless - 06/08/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 215

Moodbreaker

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, and things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommate's fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 537

You deserved it 1 230

By Female - 29/09/2016 03:26 - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 496

You deserved it 827

By AlicefromIreland - 23/08/2015 17:39 - Ireland

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 7 033

AlicefromIreland tells us more.

AlicefromIreland 16

Monday 24 August 2015 15:23

What happened was when we were told to wave the phones in the air I flung my arm up a bit too fast and my phone flew out of my hand and this "huge woman" (in talking morbidly obese, bundles me out of the way and snatched my phone from the air. I never saw her or the phone again...

By ohseven6421 - 03/09/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 104

You deserved it 79 074

By High school senior - 31/08/2017 23:15

Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 965

Stuck on you

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 138

You deserved it 52 983

In flagrante delicto

By Matasha - 19/04/2021 23:00

Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 140

By heather - 20/06/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 723

You deserved it 10 434

Blockages

By jakestorm - 04/09/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 385

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 187

You deserved it 3 661

Right Said Fred

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 22:02

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 2 058

Crank

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 740

You deserved it 21 496

By I'mNotIntoThat - 07/10/2017 16:00 - Austria - Baden

Today, I'm sharing a hospital room with an 80-year-old. She's a nice lady, but keeps walking around in her hospital gown with no underwear on. I accidentally glanced in her direction as she was bending over. I saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 342

You deserved it 346

Creepy

By lilmatchgirl - 04/05/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 165

Smart kid

By outsmarted by a 5/yo - 10/05/2021 04:00

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 1 940

By Sneezy123 - 06/10/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 295

You deserved it 10 168

By Tatteredgirl - 11/08/2016 13:31 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I have been training a co-worker in a new position. After two months he still doesn't know how to do any of the work, and I'm stuck trying to do two jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 956

You deserved it 1 207

Tatteredgirl tells us more.

Tatteredgirl 8

Tuesday 6 September 2016 2:17

OP here. I told my managers after two weeks that the trainee just was not getting it. They told me to give him time to pick it up. Tell higher ups every other day that trainee is not working out and finally told them I would not be helping him anymore. He is sinking fast. Don't think he will be around much longer. I have trained a number of people for this position and they all have had it figured out within a couple of days. I don't think it's my training.

By slcbabii23 - 01/10/2009 07:56 - United States

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 417

You deserved it 40 148