Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task...

By Zoo - 07/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 263

Triage

Our house, in the middle of our street

So compassionate

By Brook - 26/02/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 378

You deserved it 3 805

By Person15 - 26/11/2011 23:13 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 10 437

Parting gift

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 20:01

Today, the girl who lived downstairs and who was also sleeping with my guy moved out. She left a stack of my mail she had been taking at my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 78

By Lamediseased - 29/09/2016 15:07 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 757

By Anonymous - 25/10/2008 16:55

Today, my refrigerator defrosted itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 740

You deserved it 5 772

By HardTimes - 02/06/2019 20:00

Today, I came home from three months off the continent. My parents drove me home, and when we drove past our house, I assumed we were going for a welcome home supper. Instead, we drove to a dilapidated trailer and my parents said, "Welcome home." We used to live in a large, beautiful two-story house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 091

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 5 341

Pay up, dude

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I found out I had gotten a parking ticket while I was travelling a few months back in California. I moved since, so I didn’t know I had it so it increased to 200$ and when I told the guy who was actually driving the car about it, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 051

You deserved it 2 704

By whoreticulturalist - 27/10/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 15 476

Feeling ripped off

By EpicOracle - 02/10/2021 09:59 - Nigeria

Today, I woke up feeling out of step with life. Work owes me money for 6 months-worth of projects I did. I collected loans to take care of my sick dad and manage myself, and now my bosses are refusing to pay what they owe, so my account balance is blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 056

You deserved it 4 107

By raidered - 08/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 446

You deserved it 4 105

By wantsleep - 28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 145

Smooth criminal

By jack1057 - 12/09/2020 01:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 129

By Koda - 06/05/2011 04:27

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 630

You deserved it 4 661

Objects in the rear-view mirror

By DogStew - 25/09/2019 00:01

Today, my obsession with my mean ex-girlfriend returned. It ended 9 years ago. It happened when I started researching self-help. Now, I can’t stop thinking about that selfish piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 508

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 673

You deserved it 16 926

By SaggyBoy135 - 12/07/2011 12:19 - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 877

You deserved it 3 549

By yeah - 27/08/2010 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 732

You deserved it 38 803

By noxiffic - 31/10/2014 12:31 - Norway - Sandnes

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 3 131

God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 113

Time flies by

By ohdear - 27/01/2011 13:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 734

You deserved it 7 370

Bizarre Love Triangle

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was told by my boyfriend and best friend that they have feelings for each other. I also just found I was pregnant. We have 16 months left of our 18 month lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 126

Out of it

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 04:01

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 191

Cravings

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 148

You deserved it 11 080

Welcome to the Splash Zone!

By Vomitoid - 07/02/2018 01:30

Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 211

You deserved it 323

By sandra - 20/09/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 663

You deserved it 3 099

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 034

You deserved it 5 464

By Mikimiks93 - 02/07/2010 15:05 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 421

You deserved it 7 878

Run run run

By runner - 14/11/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 3 752

By Bawsack - 22/11/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 611

You deserved it 1 317

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 206

You deserved it 2 568

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 394

You deserved it 2 520

By ray - 17/11/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 004

You deserved it 24 140

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 452

You deserved it 7 948

By taintedlover - 13/05/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 040

You deserved it 7 539

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 670

You deserved it 4 229

A job well done.

By belly the jelly - 30/10/2017 21:00

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 514

You deserved it 669

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Top comments

Allie614032 34

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 4:11

If this is true, you should definitely find a new therapist. Therapists are supposed to help you see the good things in yourself, not focus on the bad things. Tasking you to create a whole list of things you hate about yourself is terrible for your mental health.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 16:03

Too bad you didn’t crowdsource the work — you could’ve given her a tome that Tolstoy would be proud of!

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 16:03

Too bad you didn’t crowdsource the work — you could’ve given her a tome that Tolstoy would be proud of!

pinkuser626 17

Tuesday 7 May 2019 18:24

if this is true u should probably find a new therapist. that long of a list is telling but not unusual any therapist should know to not actually comment on that to the patient.

bloopaloop 27

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 23:22

Was being too competitive on your list?

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 0:23

56. You fart too much and they stink 57. You talk through movies. 58. You chew too loudly. 59. You’re rude to waiters/waitresses 60. You drive too close to the center line 61. Your cat sweater isn’t funny “ironically” 62. You use “literally” wrong all the time. I’ll think of more...

indienerdgirl 27

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 1:35

That was so unprofessional of her. I'm sorry she said that. Like you already don't feel bad enough. If you stay with her or see someone else I hope you get the help you're looking for OP.

dasin 17

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 3:17

look on the brightside, you can make a worthwhile list

Allie614032 34

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 4:11

fmlalldaynow 19

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 6:44

you shouldn't be a hater toward yourself now that you narrowed down most or all of the things you hate about you concentrate on what you like about yourself and at the same time try to fix or accept the things you dislike

distortedcognition 17

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 12:44

In therapy it is vital to find someone you mesh with to achieve positive results. It sounds as though your therapist is a bit “judgy”. Don’t be afraid to keep looking and don’t take their response as a mark against you. They just might be a shit therapist