By sadmom

What are you doing here?

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

375

Favorite

Leave us alone

Late term

Walk the line

By RiceSickle - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38722

You deserved it

4053

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he can't remember the last time he took a shower. He then told me he doesn't see the "need" of taking showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29118

You deserved it

4922

Favorite

By jaderie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27017

You deserved it

4692

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34794

You deserved it

2841

Favorite

By jonnyc - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8451

You deserved it

59074

Favorite

By Holland

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1963

You deserved it

151

Favorite

By Cam - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Long secret

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2577

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By mothtal - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27451

You deserved it

2247

Favorite

By Emily

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name

Today, I found out that my parents think my boyfriend is the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1266

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway - Egersund

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47127

You deserved it

5998

Favorite

By kittykat033 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41812

You deserved it

3884

Favorite

By mildver - Costa Rica

First Dates

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64089

You deserved it

4550

Favorite

By ~JESSICA~ - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26813

You deserved it

3587

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Timing

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9857

You deserved it

18019

Favorite

By argh - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks

10394

You deserved it

32139

Favorite

By Nastiaa - Estonia

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13190

You deserved it

57618

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23582

You deserved it

29216

Favorite

By FaronKee - 18/12/2020 00:56 - United Kingdom

Put your back into it

Today, for the first time in 2 years I was able to clean my kitchen, because my back pain has stopped me looking after myself. When I stopped cleaning, my pain was so bad, all I could do was lay flat in bed. Not even my pain meds could help. My kitchen is still not completely clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

Favorite

By voltronn - France

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27932

You deserved it

6939

Favorite

By Amy (grossed out) - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43501

You deserved it

6012

Favorite

By Patrick - 29/10/2020 03:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Couva

What?

Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

You deserved it

Favorite

By MexyBoy - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49753

You deserved it

6567

Favorite

By nightfall8705 - United States - Walhalla

Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3283

You deserved it

1109

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28730

You deserved it

33570

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24382

You deserved it

1729

Favorite

By Teh_Moo_fml - 13/3/2021 00:30

Ouch, ouch, ouch

Today, I learned that you can actually sprain your groin for real. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

100

Favorite

By newly passed, newly grassed - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32057

You deserved it

8361

Favorite

By Marion - 14/10/2020 20:01 - United States - Portland

Not invited, I guess

Today, I was talking to a coworker about gender reveal parties, and how dumb and dangerous they're becoming. A nearby coworker then burst into tears and ran out. It appears that she's having one this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1040

You deserved it

468

Favorite

By seekerglow176 - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54820

You deserved it

5122

Favorite

By Sadboy - United States

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44535

You deserved it

7178

Favorite

By He who is free of sin casts the first stone. - 16/6/2021 14:01

Don't hate the player…

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she'd cheated on me with my best friend. I can't get mad at her, because I cheated on her with him before she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

203

You deserved it

1577

Favorite

By Anonymous

Baywatch music starts

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1966

You deserved it

523

Favorite

By YouAREthefather - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45282

You deserved it

3830

Favorite

By noname - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as the "short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29112

You deserved it

4450

Favorite

By Grossed Out - Australia

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38718

You deserved it

2780

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6921

You deserved it

321

Favorite

By ishoweredincorpsewater

Today, our hot water tank got replaced because all our hot water had been smelling old and musty for a month now. There was a dead seagull in the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4246

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By disturbed - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51913

You deserved it

5683

Favorite

By Julez - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29204

You deserved it

13619

Favorite

By StinkyandStupid - United States

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9634

You deserved it

38016

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By dramaqueen0703 | 12

#7890288 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 6:53

How one does not know who is principal at their kids school🙄

By RichardPencil | 30

#7890280 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 5:31

How has his job not come up in conversation?

Do you guys just start boning the minute you get together?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7890280 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 5:31

How has his job not come up in conversation?

Do you guys just start boning the minute you get together?

By dramaqueen0703 | 12

#7890288 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 6:53

How one does not know who is principal at their kids school🙄

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7890306 - Wednesday 18 March 2020 8:40

I saw that movie too

By mcsmee | 6

#7890527 - Thursday 19 March 2020 4:15

Seems like it should be pretty easy to get your son reinstated and his record cleared. Assuming you're good in the sack, of course.

By Itsheragain | 9

#7890537 - Thursday 19 March 2020 6:53

tell him if he doesnt suspend your son youll make it up to him. Lmfao

By boogerjt | 6

#7891278 - Saturday 21 March 2020 22:29

Forest Gump😂

What are you doing here?

Long secret

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name

First Dates

Timing

Ouch

Put your back into it

What?

Ouch, ouch, ouch

Not invited, I guess

Don't hate the player…

*Baywatch music starts*

Baywatch music starts