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Hi! OP here. Just to clarify I’m not an alcoholic. Thanks for worrying there. Actually I just drank too much a few months after my mother in law, 14 year old dog and Aunt passed away. Just trying to take the edge off, I way overdid it. And my husband is grieving as well so I don’t blame him for jumping to conclusions, as I was outside for two hours chain smoking.

By Kallian - 09/11/2012 06:47 - Australia

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 28 043

Kallian_fml tells us more.

Kallian_fml 21

Friday 9 November 2012 17:02

18- It WAS a shit faced awesome night. 12- Yeah, I kinda was tripping.

A good yanking

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 766

You deserved it 6 771

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 5 643

Thanks Raymond

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 05:13 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 869

You deserved it 1 704

By iluvpeanutbutter - 29/01/2011 06:13 - Australia

Today, I got home from my holidays to find my flatmate has moved his girlfriend in without asking me. Not only does she walk around naked, she has also redecorated the rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 629

You deserved it 4 124

iluvpeanutbutter tells us more.

iluvpeanutbutter 22

Thursday 21 February 2013 0:08

Hi everyone, I'm the OP here- I know this is ridiculously late, but whenever I tried to post when this was new, FML wouldn't let me. Anyway, the situation was that my boyfriend and I were living together, and a mutual male friend moved in with us as he and his ex had broken up. He started dating another girl, and 6 weeks after they started dating (while we were on holiday), we got home and found she had moved in without our permission. She had left crap all over the place, and moved a bunch of our stuff into cupboards (e.g. artwork, vases, books etc) and replaced it with her own stuff. As we had furnished the entire house, we were pretty pissed off. We were gone for 2 weeks. When we got home, she was walking down the hallway naked, and in the following days often walked naked from our flatmate's bedroom to the bathroom, or would just wander around the house in a bikini. She isn't hot; she looks like an absolute tramp. I've seen classier hookers on their corners. She was just an all-around cow. She didn't have a job, so she just used all our stuff (including my expensive toiletries). She had just turned vegetarian, and would pitch bitch fits if we cooked meat in the house (so I made steaks every other night). They ended up moving out about a month later.

By highschoolsucks - 21/01/2015 02:41 - United States

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 125

You deserved it 7 005

Fire in the hole!

By CarrieBerrie - 14/08/2020 17:01

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 528

Beep beep

By why does the world hate me - 01/03/2016 06:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 574

You deserved it 1 686

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 01:19 - United States - Evansville

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 712

You deserved it 3 941

By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 15:33

Today, I fell asleep while watching a movie. My puppy took this opportunity to help himself to half a gallon of vegetable oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 509

By SonofMnemosyne - 16/10/2018 17:52

Today, while going to visit my father, I got out of the car and put my iPad on the roof to grab my bags. My mom drove off before I could get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 714

SonofMnemosyne tells us more.

SonofMnemosyne 20

Tuesday 16 October 2018 13:04

OP here... My mom was in a rush because she was dropping me off before she took my sister to the hospital for a really bad cough which made it hard to breathe for her. She's better now. I didn't find the IPad, but I got a new one the week after as an early birthday present from my grandparents.