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And they same romance is dead…

By celticschick - 31/08/2020 16:59

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 474

You deserved it 458

Empathy

By m0r0n - 24/09/2020 01:17 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I started crying at work because I talked to a patient who lost his wife. They were together for 64 years, I can't even get a guy to look at me for 64 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 345

m0r0n tells us more.

m0r0n 9

Wednesday 23 September 2020 21:46

My first FML ever published, thank you! I did have extreme empathy for the patient, I held his hand and told him how sorry I was. I had recently been divorced after leaving a 17 year marriage, to an alcoholic, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after. I don't think I'm unattractive, I just seem to get the wrong kind of attraction. Fast forward, I am now cancer free and maybe someday I'll find that special someone. Thanks for your votes and comments!

By fezhafeez - 23/02/2016 19:26 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the girl I like asked me to take over her shift at the place we both work at. Being nice, I readily took over. Later, I found out she went on a date with my best friend. He knows I like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 658

You deserved it 2 300

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 12:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 477

You deserved it 9 336

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 09:23 - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 764

You deserved it 1 894

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 603

You deserved it 4 659

By lovehurts - 10/02/2016 02:29 - United States - New Baltimore

Today, I met up with my 'on again, off again' girlfriend of 4 years that I'm still madly in love with. We've been broken up for a few months and she's been dating someone else. We talked about possibly trying things again. When I got home, I found out she's engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 872

You deserved it 4 642

Source?

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 15:30

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 3 620

Whisky ********

By noO - 07/02/2016 17:43 - United States - Greenwood

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 289

You deserved it 3 904

By a_B_c_D_e_F_g - 27/06/2009 14:29 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 105

You deserved it 7 599

When pranks go wrong

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing, or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 2 644

By apparentlyugly - 26/04/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 065

You deserved it 31 241

By Snowman - 24/01/2016 22:21 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I was shovelling snow out of my driveway and broke my shovel. So I tried cleaning the driveway with a garbage lid. That broke too. Now I'm out snow shovel, AND a garbage lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 908

You deserved it 4 814

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 17:07

Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 181

You deserved it 696

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 03/05/2019 18:00

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 432

You deserved it 259

By ...... - 08/10/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 540

You deserved it 3 775

By Anonymous - 06/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Houston

Today, after many attempts at getting my girlfriend to ride the bus to see me rather than taking Uber, she finally did. She ended up meeting a man who convinced her that she should break up with me. She listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 358

You deserved it 1 625

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 18:06 - United States - Kennewick

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 856

You deserved it 1 741

By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 880

You deserved it 1 066

No! Noooo!

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 01:59 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 987

You deserved it 1 957

Stay out of it

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 362

You deserved it 54 903

By Anonymous - 07/09/2011 23:02 - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 093

You deserved it 4 465

By bilouute - 26/01/2014 08:05 - France - Talence

Today, I was saying goodbye to my fiancée on a train station platform. I got on the train, the doors closed, and trying to be romantic, I blew on the glass to draw a heart in the condensation. It made the drawing of a previous passenger appear: a cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 130

By animal45 - 07/11/2010 01:32 - China

Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him on. After five minutes, he says, "Could you stop making animal noises, I feel like I’m fucking in a farmyard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 16:00

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 745

You deserved it 423

By TrueSoulmates - 11/04/2019 12:00

Today, after a year of struggling to get over my anxiety disorder so that I don't have a panic attack every time I go to see my boyfriend, I've been informed that his anxiety has now flared and he gets anxious when texting me. It's a lose-lose, and I'm now causing him the same hell I've felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 357

By Emerics - 31/05/2014 07:00 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes back on quickly because someone was coming upstairs. It was my sister, who opened the door and said, “It smells like salami in here! Can I have some?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 103

Everyday racism

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 20:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused, "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 520

You deserved it 3 400

By anon - 11/11/2015 03:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, saying, "Congratulations, you have a new match." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 802

You deserved it 2 373

By serendipity1027 - 30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 840

You deserved it 8 899

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The Top

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 150

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 124

You deserved it 4 341

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 319

You deserved it 9 467

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 756

You deserved it 6 612

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 249

Today, I made a TikTok video in which you could clearly but accidentally see my nipples through my shirt. You can imagine some of the comments I've started getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 1 176