Money: Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 45

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 970

28/03/2016 07:27

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 919

You deserved it 4 408

Sorry…

BO Central

Demon child

20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 864

You deserved it 1 001

14/11/2010 07:36

Spicy

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 630

You deserved it 31 882

04/11/2009 05:26

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 6 138

27/08/2011 22:40

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 464

You deserved it 2 749

Bad start

By Tripp - 14/07/2019 14:00

Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 556

04/10/2009 05:48

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 541

You deserved it 2 312

20/03/2015 17:50

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 322

You deserved it 2 592

23/04/2011 09:26

Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 512

You deserved it 8 324

30/11/2015 21:27

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 912

You deserved it 2 455

14/02/2011 02:22

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 839

You deserved it 3 363

29/11/2010 18:26

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 279

You deserved it 46 825

09/12/2011 05:22

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 2 696

26/03/2013 19:04

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 511

You deserved it 4 310

12/09/2009 20:06

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 770

You deserved it 54 381

23/10/2010 02:15

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 991

You deserved it 37 146

17/09/2009 12:46

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 328

You deserved it 7 489

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 476

24/02/2015 03:46

Spicy

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 900

You deserved it 3 754

03/10/2011 01:34

Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 130

You deserved it 45 131

26/05/2013 09:19

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 815

You deserved it 3 211

08/02/2010 10:52

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 524

You deserved it 33 672

Pink Lightsaber

By Obi-Wan - 08/09/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 414

13/08/2013 06:36

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 807

You deserved it 8 022

14/11/2018 15:30

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 267

17/12/2016 16:15

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 800

You deserved it 786

16/08/2009 14:32

Spicy

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 755

You deserved it 8 072

Nags

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 02:01

Today, ever since the company I worked for closed because of COVID, it took me 6 months to find a new job, during which time my wife and in-laws nagged me to get one. Now I have, my wife has asked for a divorce and I absolutely hate my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 88

31/01/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 221

You deserved it 7 883

14/06/2010 23:39

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 288

You deserved it 3 046

08/04/2019 17:00

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 733

29/06/2016 17:34

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 230

You deserved it 1 135

27/06/2009 04:12

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 800

You deserved it 41 099

07/07/2019 02:00

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 163

11/02/2009 14:08

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 666

You deserved it 2 754

18/09/2009 23:28

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 287

You deserved it 49 793

26/05/2014 03:34

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 881

You deserved it 5 824

23/12/2010 14:48

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 354

You deserved it 3 009

21/06/2016 19:06

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 048

You deserved it 2 989

30/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 325

You deserved it 765

25/05/2009 21:42

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 215

You deserved it 49 266

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:23

I wish I got 100$ for Easter.

PackardBell_fml 19

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:21

Try and use your front pocket first. Sorry bout that op

Comments

PackardBell_fml 19

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:21

Try and use your front pocket first. Sorry bout that op

dbt88 15

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Thursday 31 March 2016 7:35

If OP is a girl, a lot of girls' pants don't have front pockets. It blows a lot sometimes.

nonsensical 26

Monday 28 March 2016 22:23

I've learned to always empty my pockets before sitting on the toilet. OP has now learned as well. I'm sorry for your loss, OP

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Monday 28 March 2016 23:08

"Okay, my wallet, phone, headphones, spare change, a pencil, some lint, pack of gum oh and my condom. Ah now I can shit."

JustTheTruth42 13

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Monday 28 March 2016 23:53

It's called a purse....I mean.....wait no. You're right. Man bag.

Isn't It Ironic? 24

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 0:17

Or you can do what my friend does and call it a "murse" man+purse=murse. :)

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 0:35

It's called a satchel! (It's a reference.)

nonsensical 26

Tuesday 29 March 2016 0:42

I have a purse (it doesn't matter but I'm a woman)--but sometimes it's easier to keep my phone in my pocket. Once I had to use the restroom and forgot I had it in there, needless to say it plopped right out (the phone). It didn't fall in the toilet but the screen did shatter!

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 1:29

It's technically a purse... people just add "man" onto things so it doesn't sound feminine (i.e "man purse", "man washer" etc)

myGRAM 14

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 5:34

Where would one hire this "man washer"?

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 8:35

I'm more confused as to why he flushed before pulling his pants up...

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:23

I wish I got 100$ for Easter.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 6:07

and OP wishes they had it..

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:24

I bet the person who made that saying had some sort of inspiration....

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:25

easter pocket money?! jesus christ! how's trump supposed to make america better than now!? btw, i'm sorry about your money, OP. Hope you sort it out somehow! ;)

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 6:08

I swear there's dislike bots or something. there's no reason this should be disliked

S_Gnu 17

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:28

This is somewhat of a useful case for people who are weirdly preoccupied with viewing their dumps before flushing.

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Monday 28 March 2016 23:58

There are dozens of us!! :(

Zebediabolical 39

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 1:46

In the early days of the graphical internet, I'm talking NCSA Mosaic 1.0, there was a website called 'Daily Dump'. It was exactly what it sounds like. Some random dude taking a picture of his daily dump and posting it to the internets.

captainsmegma 12

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 1:51

And some of us take pictures to share.

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 3:02

Anyone remember ratemypoo dot com?

sydnvy 15

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:30

All I get for Easter is ham....

booze_n_bitches 35

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 17:35

I got a rabbit stew.

uzumakinurto 13

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:35

there are these really cool inventions called wallets they tend to prevent that..

grtfuldeadlovr 27

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:36

Easter wasnt about the money anyway be thankful you have a family at this time of year.

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Monday 28 March 2016 23:33

Easter is as removed from religion as it is commercialised. I bet you're fun to drink with...

soulreaper12296 28

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Tuesday 29 March 2016 0:29

I don't think OP is upset about the fact that it was money from Easter, but that they literally flushed money down the toilet. They probably just added that it was from Easter so we'd have a little more info.

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Monday 28 March 2016 22:38

I didn't realize how expansive it was to use the toilet!