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Hi, Op here! Thank you for all the kind comments (and yes, I am searching for a new job so I could leave). To clarify: my boss has very bad memory and she likes to blame people. It was only yesterday when my coworkers told about me having become the new scapegoat. It is not a daily occurrence; she's claimed a couple of times that I should have done something, when in reality she had forgotten to tell me about these tasks. It is a small office and everyone knows which days I have off, so my coworkers didn't tell me about it - they never believed any of her stories anyway. All claims were made only in front of three other people, we share a room, so naturally they knew I wasn't there on those days. Clogging the toilet and losing keys, however, were such remarkably stupid claims that they felt I should know. She found her keys and apologised in front of everyone, clogging the toilet was a passing remark ("oh, maybe it was her!") that she's probably already forgotten. Still, I don't want to work for someone who badmouths her employees behind their back. I am currently filling a job application - fingers crossed!

By bshoemaker45601 - 08/06/2016 20:57 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 340

You deserved it 3 547

By KiwiMaid - 03/06/2016 10:31 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 957

You deserved it 2 155

By Jayde - 04/02/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 258

You deserved it 5 602

By ouch - 29/05/2016 23:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 994

You deserved it 3 059

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 22:31 - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 159

You deserved it 4 715

By Grammer_Nazzi - 18/05/2016 01:11 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was performing in a play. One of my co-actors elbowed me right as I was taking a swig of my drink, causing me to fling cold tea into my face and all over the table. If that wasn't majestic enough, I had to keep acting in several more scenes with a wet tea stain in my crotch area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 196

You deserved it 832

Grammer_Nazzi tells us more.

Grammer_Nazzi 9

Wednesday 18 May 2016 22:55

Hey, everyone, OP here! Thank you for everyone's kind words, and the play did indeed go to plan apart from that little hiccup. Extra little story: We had another show on the next day, and during the exact same scene, the exact same co-actor clinked her glass against mine so hard that it broke. I think she might have taken the drunkenness a bit too seriously. Fun times.

Channelling GG Allin

By dudeyouarefired - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 498

You deserved it 4 865

By Owww - 10/07/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 719

You deserved it 449

By gorgeousrenthead - 10/08/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 456

You deserved it 30 047

gorgeousrenthead tells us more.

gorgeousrenthead 0

Saturday 12 September 2009 5:06

i was *cough* receiving...

By cousin of the groom - 07/08/2018 01:30

Today, I stood too fast, got dizzy, and fell over. I fell on the grandmother of the bride, pushing her into the wedding cake table. Cake ruined, grandmother in hospital for a broken arm, and everybody mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 886

You deserved it 710

By Chipper - 09/08/2018 03:50

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 720

You deserved it 913

Kinky

By huskynick - 18/06/2020 05:05

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 659

By Mintilou - 08/04/2016 03:17 - United Kingdom - Wednesbury

Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 116

You deserved it 4 506

Logical

By fresh single - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pomona

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 123

You deserved it 2 412

By anonymous - 15/02/2015 22:39 - United States - Valdosta

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 2 918

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 20:30

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to "mixed" aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 638

By madbabynoel - 25/03/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 228

You deserved it 1 603

Sore

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 20:01

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled, "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in two weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 346

Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

By ET. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 007

You deserved it 2 709

By kfeath1 - 01/03/2016 05:36

Today, while working as a hostess in a restaurant, an old lady complained to the manager that I was on heroin because she could see all the track marks on my arms. I was actually fighting a staph infection and the "track marks" were where my IV had been placed. My manager told me to cover it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 310

You deserved it 1 581

kfeath1 tells us more.

kfeath1 8

Wednesday 2 March 2016 1:10

Wow! This is my FML and I can't get over the number of comments! What happened was my staph infection was on the inside of my body...to look at me I looked absolutely normal. I didn't handle any food, just sat people at their tables. So those of you who are judging...relax; no contamination was given. And I had a port in my arm that I had hidden, but couldn't pull my sleeve down over because it was so big. As for the lady, she just wanted something to complain about. She saw the spots where the port had been and just wanted to complain about it. My manager should have stood up for me, but he didn't and instead decided to tell me that a person complained and I needed to heed what she said. It was a ridiculous time and I'm glad I'm healthy again.