Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
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Top comments
MateRicks 18
God I hate it when that happens
EverestMelting 23
Get a dog. They lick. Not maul.
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Comments (209)
MateRicks 18
God I hate it when that happens
ILoveMyArm 15
Me too, it is such a catastrophe. Sorry, I had to.
MateRicks 18
I see what you did there you crazy cat
Cheeley 17
A cat and dog getting along peacefully? This is groundbreaking.
Gothicbunnyx3 16
It's 2013 it's time for them to finally get along
IscoreOnU 19
If cats and dogs can get along. Why can't people?...
RoboCunnilingus 23
Because people are dicks.
GweedSincE84_fml 15
Holy shit I was reading this FML laughing my ass off Op's wording is priceless I love it! But, I divert. This does sound very painful I'm sorry op hopefully you heal up nicely
GweedSincE84_fml 15
"Digress" damn auto correct
Gothicbunnyx3 16
What #99 said and opinionated and quick to judge.
greenmen 12
Make love not war
Catkam623 27
Make love and war
LeFrogDog 27
love is a battlefield
jsp16 24
PussCeption?
IscoreOnU 19
126- Her pussy tried to make love, the claws kinda killed the mood though.
jedorr07 5
it took pussy on pussy scissoring a little too literally
HarryF18 9
U say that like it happens regularly???
ILEUX 3
what guys would give to see that.
jdimaria3 13
I'm a guy, and I for one would not enjoy seeing a girls pussy get attacked by a cat.
raddybear 11
Thats would not be nice to look at at all. Even tho it is pussy on pussy
kder0aeon 9
I think he/she meant the naked part. lol I wouldn't mind seeing that either.
BobbiLove 10
I'm a girl and I'd love to see that.
LeFrogDog 27
Alright pussy vs pussy round 2. Place your bets.
Markus12 8
I'm curious... What kind of insecurities do you guys Deal with? I always see tiny guys on here posing infront of the mirror half naked... Why? No one gives a shit about your 4 Pack or your 25 cm biceps. Not impressed.
subiedude08 17
Wtf
zanoty 17
4 pac?
UndeadFML 22
What bout 2 pac?
hdamon32 12
psh i got a gut and i put a picture of me in my wifes bra and panties on and got told im not allowed to have it by the FML team ?
firstbasemaster 15
Did you shout at that pussy
bhai33 9
Which one?
Jac_d_ipper 10
Cum kitty kitty! or should you swear **** pussy pussy!!
botanistjessica 24
You really shouldn't say either, 171.
maskedman98 6
cat figh ;D
EverestMelting 23
Get a dog. They lick. Not maul.
cuppycakeslove 20
That would be ***********.
CTMPandemonium 16
********** for the win!! Lol
ILoveMyArm 15
That's odd, I thought dogs were ruff.
dweeds508 24
#13 that's not funny, that's messed up
raww77 12
#13 ur commet made my day I can't stoo laughing
brentman28 5
whats a stoo laughing never heard of that kind of laugh before
SwaggCapone 11
#42 ya don't say
CTMPandemonium 16
Thumbed down?... Oh right, no one understands sarcasm on Internet.... Right... #42 #170 I'm talking to you.
MozillaHostile 21
Did you hear about the dog that mauled that little girl so badly her face had to be reconstructed? Yup. Dogs sure are great.
Guy1009 15
Did you see the cat scratch the inside of its owner eyelid when all the owner did was put her face next to the cat's? I put my face up against my dog's face countless times, no injuries.
MateRicks 18
Get well soon
Damian95 16
Haha how did you comment twice? The anti flood protection usually prevents this type of atrocity. Just kidding both your comments are genuine.
Damian95 16
I mean uh... yea hope ya get better. Cats can turn into chainsaws real quick.
ILoveMyArm 15
I feel as though this is some form of ***********.
ladyvidel 19
Sorry OP, but even as a woman I find that funny.
ottokat 15
Really? I cringed. If this becomes an issue, start spraying ammonia on your privates. It might sting, but so does a mauled vajeeper.
Nyx_fml 23
I'm trying to think what would be worse for OP: ammonia being toxic or its smell? Hmmm. Tough choice.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Vajeeper... That's novel. Sounds like something Velma would call her lady bits.
Sora_McKain 36
vajeeper, that is so awesome! Much better than vajayjay. (Although I do have a friend named Jay and we all call him vajayjay, it's only funny because he's gay though.)
phorn84 13
121 I personally like vagoo, but that comes from Least I Could Do. Somehow, it managed to catch on, at least among fans.
sematariux 7
Vajeepers creepers... Sounds like a **** spoof to me
ottokat 15
I know my comment was completely random and not even helpful - but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use the word vajeeper.
Sora_McKain 36
127 While I am not a fan, vagoo seems ingenious I love it!
DenBriZel 31
Sounds like something that would happen to me with my luck. FYL sorry OP!
xiaodoggiie 5
Ouch! Couldn't you at least wear a pair of undies? Maybe the damage would have been lesser?
TheElBurrrito 21
If the pussy is as big as the one on your profile picture, it would suck either either way.
Nyx_fml 23
This seems like a master plan: waiting for an FML about cats so you can make comments about girls' ******* without seeming like a creep. Genius! Except that you do still sound a bit like a creep, so there's still work to be done.
TheElBurrrito 21
Hmmm.... I didn't mean for it to come off as creepy, but I can definitely see where you're coming from. Total miscalculation on my behalf, my mistake.
Nyx_fml 23
It was just a joke. Oh damn, now I feel bad. I'M the creep.
raufintoff 15
That really sucks op!
NoDontKillMe 19
Wish there was a button for that