The Top

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It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 357

By chazzywazzy654 - 27/05/2016 13:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 757

You deserved it 1 306

chazzywazzy654 tells us more.

chazzywazzy654 22

Saturday 28 May 2016 16:20

Can't believe this got posted! The consultant dr(who's above the dr who said it was dislocated) reckons that it might not be dislocated, that my wrist is just deformed. Had a massive bruise, I still have it, got a follow up appointment next week, I'll find out more then hopefully

Boredom

By alhummel21 - 12/02/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 858

You deserved it 52 080

Offensive people work in TV? What a surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 14:50 - United States - Frisco

Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said, "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 956

You deserved it 1 189

By Tooth Fairy - 25/05/2018 16:00 - United States - Hays

Today, I broke a tooth. It’s Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can’t drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it’s going to be a long weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 276

Casual…

By bnc - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were, "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 387

You deserved it 4 116

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 630

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 377

Piss off

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 365

You deserved it 1 635

By behold the Underminer - 14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 775

You deserved it 150

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 204

You deserved it 7 874

By crazycatlady1890 - 27/08/2018 21:46

Today, my future mother-in-law sent a nasty email to my mother, an angry phone call to my fiancé, and threatened to boycott his graduation and the wedding. Why? I didn't respond immediately to her emails about card boxes for the wedding. Card boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 717

You deserved it 242

crazycatlady1890 tells us more.

crazycatlady1890 10

Monday 27 August 2018 1:30

OP here... thanks for the comments! My fiancé did essentially tell her to shove it. She did apologize (after missing his masters graduation), and he still hasn’t quite forgiven her. As for what this means for the future... luckily, my fiancé is NOT a mamas boy in the least, and is happy seeing her once or twice a year. He, my mother, and I have a bet going on what sets her off next. Personally, my money is on the day she realizes we aren’t giving her grandkids.

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

By Sodapop40 - 21/06/2020 05:05

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 128

By Useless Key - 02/09/2018 18:30

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 067

You deserved it 342

Boom, headshot

By oof - 09/07/2020 23:01

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 1 832

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 053

You deserved it 7 158

By deaddoggy - 02/03/2016 20:46 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 109

You deserved it 1 546

Bailed out

By poorchild - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 755

You deserved it 3 028

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 885

You deserved it 2 364

By fuckered519 - 06/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 12 620

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 198

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 493

You deserved it 5 785

Moron

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because, "Wi-Fi’s all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said, "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil Ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 935

You deserved it 4 227

Sad boy

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 16:41 - Canada - London

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 910

You deserved it 2 039

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 16:09 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 258

You deserved it 8 392

By hakuna_matata - 31/12/2015 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I told her that I'd never watched The Lion King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 130

You deserved it 8 929

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 383

You deserved it 16 801

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 861

You deserved it 3 332

By DeadlyKitten - 20/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat followed me into the bathroom. While I was showering, he knocked over the storage shelf behind the toilet. The shelf was the perfect length to wedge the shower door completely closed. No one was home so I had to climb over my tall shower door all slippery and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 176

You deserved it 725

By barri - 16/12/2009 07:28 - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 325

You deserved it 2 829

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 132

You deserved it 2 662

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 507

Today, the essay-writing guy I met on Facebook Messenger who I paid $200 to do my research paper gave me a paper unrelated to the topic. It’s due at midnight tonight. It’s a 8-page long assignment. He blocked me on Facebook. Goodbye graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 3 441

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 168

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 149

You deserved it 23 281

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 706

You deserved it 3 810