The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Grace - 17/10/2018 03:00

Today, I drove over 3 hours to hook up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months. When we start having sex, he lasted less than a minute, and then couldn't get it up again afterwards. I slept uncomfortably the entire night on his twin bed while he snored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 575

You deserved it 1 399

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 934

You deserved it 2 444

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 02:16 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 178

You deserved it 1 655

By itsjustemcee - 02/02/2016 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 608

You deserved it 1 629

Obsessed

By farmvillefail - 09/01/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with Farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending texts, emails, or calling, but by placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 954

You deserved it 4 384

**** me, I guess

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 799

You deserved it 2 307

Octopi

By daddoesn'tknowbest - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 3 750

MMA Struggles

By FML Videos - 26/11/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Ah!

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 92

Fight yoga, try stress

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Craig

Today, I'm so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 250

You deserved it 5 568

By loser - 10/12/2018 14:00

Today I bought the Gold edition to a game for $90. I expected to be very good only to realize it was the same as the previous installment. I went to check the refund policy and it said that I had to have played less than 2 hours, I had 121 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 570

You deserved it 1 030

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 838

You deserved it 7 496

By oops. - 22/12/2018 16:00

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 034

You deserved it 27 475

Let me iiiiiiin

By Space†Witch - 03/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I'm 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band who hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 151

You deserved it 212

By bootycall:( - 15/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 977

You deserved it 1 280

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 892

You deserved it 1 680

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 22:00

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 260

You deserved it 1 039

By Anonymous - 08/03/2019 12:00

Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 405

Ham-fisted attempt

By HamHanded - 10/03/2017 09:17

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 692

You deserved it 733

Shiver and shake

By Loserman67 - 01/04/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 568

You deserved it 745

Not ED for me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 147

You deserved it 1 731

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 009

You deserved it 12 180

By sirttocs - 14/05/2019 00:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I remembered what I did in my sleep last night. Turns out, in my sleep, I grabbed her crotch and said, “Just making sure you’re not Shae.” Shae is her sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 305

You deserved it 530

By Christine - 24/12/2016 17:56

Today I woke up with an extremely bad flu and severe nausea. As I rolled around wanting to die I remembered that 4 days prior, I had hoped to get a cold to skip a compulsary carol service for my Catholic school. Now, on Christmas Eve, I just want to say, be careful what you wish for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 345

You deserved it 1 754

By Casuallydying - 28/04/2017 04:00

Today, I went into my boss's office to confront her about not consulting me before switching my shifts with someone else. I left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 040

You deserved it 597

By Chefinblack - 19/10/2015 22:13 - Australia

Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 051

You deserved it 1 544

By peepants - 04/06/2019 14:00

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 345

By Annienomous - 09/10/2015 06:44 - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 284

You deserved it 5 378

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 950

You deserved it 23 830

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Vacation Gross Awkward Food Health Painful Television TV shows Money Bosses Work Public freakouts Cops Fight Kids Pregnancy My ex Love Confused Relatable Friends I need your advice Questions Smartphone Telephones Motherhood Intimacy NSFW Sex

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was driving on a busy highway when she slammed on the brakes, causing a multi-car accident. She then ran across several lanes, almost getting smashed by a truck, because she thought she saw a dog in the road. It was already dead. Insurance is gonna be a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 72

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 160

You deserved it 5 443

Random

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 301

You deserved it 13 949

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 405

You deserved it 9 772

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 429

You deserved it 60 279

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 003

You deserved it 77 651

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years never posts me on his Facebook, yet his girl “bestie” is always on his tags, comments, etc. He recently went to a party and put a picture of them two as his profile picture. He’s confused as to why I’m upset, and thinks I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 207

Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 138