By BadgerSpirit - 27/4/2011 13:35 - United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

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Understandable

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By dumped - 17/4/2011 21:12 - South Africa

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

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By - 12/1/2017 20:00

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

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By Morgan Bailey - 18/9/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

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By unit - 7/7/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I finally got around to organizing my closet. Discarded clothes fell into three distinct categories: Too Small, Yellow Pits, Stained with Food. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2019 06:00

Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

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By lprocter1982 - 8/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

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By why - 28/7/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

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By maximumpower - 15/3/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

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By teacher - 7/9/2014 21:05 - United States - Apo

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

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By Username - 24/11/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

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By thatsillegal - 30/1/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

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By Oops - 9/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

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By xBubbles38 - 18/7/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

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By kufan1324 - 5/6/2012 03:47 - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

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By KidKillah - 1/9/2012 04:07 - United States - Napa

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

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By StephD - 20/3/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 20:00

It never ends

Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

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By muffins - 9/8/2014 13:50 - United States - Potomac

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

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By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

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By abbacjt - 16/1/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2011 10:09 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2019 00:00

Today, I was fired from my babysitting job because the baby’s first word was my name. Well, I’m sorry, but if you ask me to look after your child 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and by the time you pick them up they’re already asleep, of course they’re going to know my name better than yours. FML

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By sherrylynn - 19/4/2013 21:50 - United States - West Haven

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

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By Nancy - 11/7/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 05:19 - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

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By Queso Dog - 2/10/2012 14:42 - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By brandiboobarry - 29/11/2010 06:01

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2013 05:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

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By Giraafe - 9/5/2016 17:53 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

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By PCJJacket - 5/5/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

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By nomorecookies - 6/8/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

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By fuck family - 17/7/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

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By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - 10/5/2014 21:32 - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

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By nubbins - 26/1/2010 06:56 - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

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Top comments

By ceddyz17 | 10

#2417865 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:49

a badger? is she that hairy

By Awahso | 25

#2417890 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:53

Wow, self esteem boost for her

COMMENTS

By j_cat187 | 19

#2417859 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:48

maby u should find a badger and keep it as a pet.

Reply

Krajjan | 9

#2418095 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:59

Being mistaken for a badger is insulting. Now, being called a wolverine is awesome. Those things are little terror engines.

Reply

livin_plur | 0

#2418184 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:26

where the hell did u even get the idea that it was a badger? as far as I know it's not really common for a badger to crawl into someones house in general rather than in your bed lol

Reply

dolphincheddar | 10

#2418406 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:24

if I was your husband you'd be sleeping on the couch tomorrow night

Reply

littlemissFYL | 5

#2418621 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 22:32

i think we can all come to the conclusion that you are a very love mother. :)

Reply

dcam13 | 19

#2418948 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 23:07

is she that ugly? lol fyls... also why would your first assumption be a badger? didn't know Washington was so weird.

Reply

ILoveEmoes | 9

#2419084 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 23:20

#70 I bet the daughter will be teased for it xD Being mistaken for a badger by your own mother...

Reply

MissBrainDamage | 0

#2419476 - Thursday 28 April 2011 0:01

Wow you guys are excellent parents - aren't you?

Reply

mandalore92 | 0

#2420704 - Thursday 28 April 2011 2:41

68 If i were the husband I would be making her sleep on the couch

Reply

Saint_Pete_Saint | 0

#2427737 - Friday 29 April 2011 5:36

chewbaca! lol jk nvm

Reply

luvyah | 0

#2431673 - Saturday 30 April 2011 3:39

ur pic is hot

Reply

FML102938 | 8

#3302433 - Saturday 17 September 2011 6:15

Honey badger don't care

By ceddyz17 | 10

#2417865 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:49

a badger? is she that hairy

Reply

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2417898 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:56

poor ugly hairy little girl. but a badger. really OP? if i see an animal in my room at that time, the more reasonable thought is a dog got in here maybe a big cat. but a badger?

Reply

lucas755 | 1

#2419670 - Thursday 28 April 2011 0:31

"with her blanket"

Reply

skidoo800HO | 2

#2422053 - Thursday 28 April 2011 7:15

Well at least the parents won't gave to worry about boys being all over their daughter when she is older... unless chewbaca's kid finds her

Reply

ChibiGirl5 | 0

#2423361 - Thursday 28 April 2011 16:08

he was probably having a dream

Reply

gomie | 0

#3152900 - Sunday 21 August 2011 14:57

Thats hilarious

By Awahso | 25

#2417890 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:53

Wow, self esteem boost for her

Reply

Adamantoise | 0

#2417942 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:06

She's 4 anyway. she's probably just freaking out.

Reply

Aerious | 0

#2418038 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:33

OP should wait for when the kid's a teenager; she'd get her revenge.

Reply

overthelimit | 3

#2418528 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:56

at least shes young and doesnt understand. hopefully she never finds out c:

Reply

emmy1794 | 3

#2420277 - Thursday 28 April 2011 1:37

wat does OP mean. I'm new ??

Reply

360XBOXFTW | 0

#2420431 - Thursday 28 April 2011 1:56

orange peel

Reply

aRedditorette | 3

#2421498 - Thursday 28 April 2011 4:56

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+does+OP+mean

Reply

TheFection | 0

#2422191 - Thursday 28 April 2011 8:43

look it up Sherlock.

By ceddyz17 | 10

#2417891 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:54

haha a vagina? lol

By aRedditorette | 3

#2417901 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

hahahahaha poor daughter

Reply

grafixxx687 | 0

#2418483 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:47

hahahaha this is a funny fml...ur husband is funny for screaming about sth he doesnt even know lol

By Pizzamaster | 0

#2417904 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

How the fuck did a badger come to mind? I dont even know what that is

Reply

meg353 | 0

#2418055 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:45

lol

Reply

damnsparky | 3

#2418290 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:57

look up nasty ass honey badger on YouTube and that's where she found it

Reply

RomanBeauty | 0

#5022047 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 7:39

Even FML team can't get their story posted :( sorry Alan, one day!

Reply

idkhaha | 4

#5538213 - Monday 17 June 2013 2:43

If OP is from Wisconsin she would know what a badger is.

By CockRocket | 0

#2417910 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

This would've been 10times better if it happened during Intercourse.

Reply

maphineRAWRS | 10

#2418007 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:21

of course you would think that, sir 'cockrocket'

Reply

rachelmacivor | 0

#2420095 - Thursday 28 April 2011 1:19

WIN

By ejejeje | 0

#2417912 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

this is the funniest thing I've read all day!!!!! hahhahahhaa.

Reply

kathcduri | 3

#2418252 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:44

same here! :P made me lol.

By Radek18 | 0

#2417918 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:01

No comment... like seriously... why? just no...

Reply

papaya_master | 4

#2417949 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:09

If you have no comment, why did you bother typing anything in here in the first place?

By notbanned69 | 0

#2417932 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:03

You're both idiots and your husband's a pussy. Are you sure he fathered a kid?

Reply

technicolourain1 | 0

#2418612 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 22:25

lol

Reply

fthku | 13

#2419053 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 23:18

Apparently he fathered a badger, so no?