Kids: Spooky - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 55

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 112

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - 27/04/2011 13:35

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 851

You deserved it 43 727

Best teeth in the game

The smell detective is on the case

Laissez-faire capitalism

04/10/2011 03:22

Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 939

You deserved it 2 527

13/02/2010 16:08

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 389

You deserved it 3 884

17/12/2014 13:33

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 526

You deserved it 3 572

14/07/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 107

28/10/2011 12:25

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 744

You deserved it 3 311

10/03/2009 13:02

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 007

You deserved it 3 144

22/09/2014 02:11

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 591

You deserved it 7 525

25/10/2008 16:55

Today, my refrigerator defrosted itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 736

You deserved it 5 772

Wreck

By Car Problems - 03/03/2021 20:01

Today, I paid over $500 to pick up my car from the mechanic, after it'd spent almost a month there. It broke down again on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 52

29/08/2019 23:00

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 158

30/09/2012 12:56

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 100

You deserved it 2 899

Badass over here

By Morgan - 12/09/2020 23:01

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 120

19/11/2016 17:26

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 498

You deserved it 1 083

08/07/2017 18:00

Today, my new passport arrived, along with my expired one and its 20-year-old picture. I was comparing the photos when my husband came to look. He laughed and said, "Time is cruel." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 212

You deserved it 463

16/11/2011 04:15

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 3 177

22/08/2009 09:29

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 762

You deserved it 4 481

31/12/2015 21:26

Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 100

You deserved it 2 012

05/09/2009 23:41

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 550

You deserved it 8 967

09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 781

You deserved it 3 382

11/07/2009 19:50

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 683

You deserved it 11 334

16/06/2012 05:45

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 7 585

10/05/2009 20:25

Spicy

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 368

You deserved it 127 789

04/12/2009 03:11

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 463

You deserved it 2 802

12/01/2013 17:57

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 459

You deserved it 9 021

06/09/2016 11:01

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 276

You deserved it 7 417

04/10/2013 09:37

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 197

You deserved it 3 678

11/06/2015 14:37

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 2 609

04/10/2012 03:14

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 443

You deserved it 33 958

28/09/2009 20:36

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 528

You deserved it 9 307

Parked, indefinitely

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 04:00

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 353

20/01/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend asked if I could somehow get uncircumcised so I could add an inch to my length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 892

You deserved it 475

24/06/2019 04:59

Today, I saw the cutest baby watching a show with my Dad. After commenting how cute she was, my Dad goes on to say, "Yeah, most babies are cute. Except you, you looked like a lizard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 213

09/11/2010 17:17

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 183

You deserved it 6 334

24/01/2016 05:40

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 387

You deserved it 2 808

22/05/2019 11:47

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 108

17/10/2011 02:50

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 641

You deserved it 22 854

05/11/2015 02:34

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 461

You deserved it 1 535

18/12/2011 23:36

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 592

You deserved it 30 702

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 204

You deserved it 537

16/10/2013 17:37

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 326

You deserved it 10 380

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Top comments

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:49

a badger? is she that hairy

Awahso 25

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:53

Wow, self esteem boost for her

Comments

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:48

maby u should find a badger and keep it as a pet.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:59

Being mistaken for a badger is insulting. Now, being called a wolverine is awesome. Those things are little terror engines.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:26

where the hell did u even get the idea that it was a badger? as far as I know it's not really common for a badger to crawl into someones house in general rather than in your bed lol

dolphincheddar 10

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:24

if I was your husband you'd be sleeping on the couch tomorrow night

littlemissFYL 5

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 22:32

i think we can all come to the conclusion that you are a very love mother. :)

dcam13 19

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 23:07

is she that ugly? lol fyls... also why would your first assumption be a badger? didn't know Washington was so weird.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 23:20

#70 I bet the daughter will be teased for it xD Being mistaken for a badger by your own mother...

MissBrainDamage 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:01

Wow you guys are excellent parents - aren't you?

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Thursday 28 April 2011 2:41

68 If i were the husband I would be making her sleep on the couch

Saint_Pete_Saint 0

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Friday 29 April 2011 5:36

chewbaca! lol jk nvm

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Saturday 30 April 2011 3:39

ur pic is hot

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Saturday 17 September 2011 6:15

Honey badger don't care

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:49

a badger? is she that hairy

ydi_4_suking 20

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:56

poor ugly hairy little girl. but a badger. really OP? if i see an animal in my room at that time, the more reasonable thought is a dog got in here maybe a big cat. but a badger?

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Thursday 28 April 2011 0:31

"with her blanket"

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:15

Well at least the parents won't gave to worry about boys being all over their daughter when she is older... unless chewbaca's kid finds her

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Thursday 28 April 2011 16:08

he was probably having a dream

gomie 0

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Sunday 21 August 2011 14:57

Thats hilarious

Awahso 25

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:53

Wow, self esteem boost for her

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:06

She's 4 anyway. she's probably just freaking out.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:33

OP should wait for when the kid's a teenager; she'd get her revenge.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:56

at least shes young and doesnt understand. hopefully she never finds out c:

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:37

wat does OP mean. I'm new ??

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:56

orange peel

aRedditorette 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 4:56

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+does+OP+mean

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Thursday 28 April 2011 8:43

look it up Sherlock.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:54

haha a vagina? lol

aRedditorette 3

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

hahahahaha poor daughter

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 21:47

hahahaha this is a funny fml...ur husband is funny for screaming about sth he doesnt even know lol

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

How the fuck did a badger come to mind? I dont even know what that is

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:45

lol

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:57

look up nasty ass honey badger on YouTube and that's where she found it

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Tuesday 9 October 2012 7:39

Even FML team can't get their story posted :( sorry Alan, one day!

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Monday 17 June 2013 2:43

If OP is from Wisconsin she would know what a badger is.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

This would've been 10times better if it happened during Intercourse.

maphineRAWRS 10

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:21

of course you would think that, sir 'cockrocket'

rachelmacivor 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 1:19

WIN

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:58

this is the funniest thing I've read all day!!!!! hahhahahhaa.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:44

same here! :P made me lol.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:01

No comment... like seriously... why? just no...

papaya_master 4

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:09

If you have no comment, why did you bother typing anything in here in the first place?

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 19:03

You're both idiots and your husband's a pussy. Are you sure he fathered a kid?

technicolourain1 0

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 22:25

lol

fthku 13

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 23:18

Apparently he fathered a badger, so no?