The Top

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By Late - 12/11/2016 07:45

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 230

You deserved it 718

By pianoblues - 17/10/2016 20:22 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I had a piano audition for a musical. Afterwards, the judge asked if I had any experience with percussion, and then told me she was considering me for a percussion part. I guess my piano audition really was THAT bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 080

You deserved it 1 089

By dukemisery - 01/10/2016 05:34 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 629

You deserved it 967

By madafgf - 17/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at my bf's house (we are long distance, about 5 hours apart). I found an entire drawer of another woman's clothing and belongings. He told me that they were his ex's, but I don't believe him. I thought he was the love of my life and I'm realizing I'm just his side piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 749

You deserved it 572

By cacheson - 19/08/2017 20:00

Today, after being single for a year, I finally have a boyfriend. Today, my chronic nightmares also started up again after being gone for a year. Apparently I'm allowed to have either a love life, or sleep. Not both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 367

By doyouwantmedead - 21/08/2017 13:00 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a friend's birthday. She said no, claiming I had been to too many this year already. I'd only been to one. It was my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 403

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 13/09/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 900

You deserved it 267

By Rabite - 15/09/2016 14:48 - Germany - Bonn

Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 081

You deserved it 793

Health hazard

By r1has - 12/09/2016 08:21 - Pakistan - Rawalpindi

Today, someone spilled ammonium hydroxide in ethanol solution in the lab, which smells like very concentrated urine. Since the experiment involved Bunsen burners, we couldn't turn on the fans. We had to work in a lab that smelled like Satan's piss for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 639

You deserved it 1 206

Role play

By CantPublish - 12/04/2012 17:54 - United States - Modesto

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 156

You deserved it 21 950

Windy city

By Anonymous - 11/08/2016 00:24 - United States

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 669

You deserved it 1 791

By matou - 09/07/2015 20:41 - France - Caluire

Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 88

By ohEw - 09/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 279

Bullseye

By firefly02255 - 01/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, some troopers forced my family out of our house with no shoes or enough clothing. Even the baby was half naked. We were told we can't go back for at least another 12 hours. Why? Because my mental neighbor was shooting at the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 124

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 920

You deserved it 30 119

By locked out - 28/11/2017 01:30 - United States - Marion

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 866

You deserved it 336

Geyser

By gingerbread - 18/12/2017 15:00 - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 3 762

You learn something new every day

By virginkiller - 03/03/2012 13:23 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 278

You deserved it 5 728

By anonymous - 25/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 562

You deserved it 954

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 416

You deserved it 1 498

By EosHelios - 27/02/2018 19:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 489

You deserved it 295

Bad timing

By Kathleen Verswijvel - 16/03/2020 14:35

Today, it's been a while since I've been looking for a job. Too bad most companies are closing down and ordering people to work from home because of the Coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 222

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Lennie Mcfish - 09/04/2020 14:00

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while drunk, but since she was under the influence, I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 892

You deserved it 466

Nice way to go, really

By motorboatofdoom - 30/03/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 310

Nutters Inc.

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 17:00

Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 3 660

By Katt - 25/04/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 777

You deserved it 6 949

By damn cats - 12/08/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 441

You deserved it 350

By missmcfarty - 01/04/2016 01:42 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 383

You deserved it 2 700

By thatwasembarrassing - 04/09/2018 15:00

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 334

You deserved it 475

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The Top

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 66

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 552

You deserved it 10 180

Random

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 519

You deserved it 31 831

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 677

You deserved it 3 879

Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 737

You deserved it 48 568

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 246

You deserved it 5 204

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 096

You deserved it 634

Today, my wife keyed my car and spilled wine on the seats because she saw I commented on a female friend’s picture on Facebook. I told her how repairs are gonna be expensive, and she responded, “You should have thought about that before complimenting other bitches on Facebook!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 452