Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
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Today, after almost a week of being bed-ridden with a bad flu, my mom told me it was my job to clean the house. When I told her I still had a fever and didn't feel well, she looked at me and said in an understanding voice "It's okay honey, you can do it slowly." FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML
Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I saw that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML
Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML
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Top comments
LyricaSilvan 29
Maybe you should "accidentally" pass that flu on. Then she might understand how you feel and decide to shut up.
muncherofice 19
hope you feel better op
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Comments (50)
maxthebigseal 21
Honestly, I can't believe you would be so lazy! Back in my day I would go to work uphill both ways, fever or not. YDI.
swenny_xoxo 18
How does OP deserve the flu?
maxthebigseal 21
Sorry, I was trying to use sarcasm but it didn't come across that way. I deserve the downvotes.
DrChrisOfWumbo 12
I got the joke. I laughed. Take heart, someone else does understand your humor :)
Liss5477 6
I got it. I had a nice chuckle from it too.
ChiefKoala 30
Nah. I got that sarcasm. There are far too many Sheldons in this world who don't understand sarcasm when they see/hear it.
TheHcwalker 20
Are you serious
isum21 20
if all else fails add /s to the end of your comment. it helps others know when you're not trying to be a dick, and for me it's pretty useful because I'm a sarcastic and satirical asswipe.
LyricaSilvan 29
Maybe you should "accidentally" pass that flu on. Then she might understand how you feel and decide to shut up.
muncherofice 19
lol I said that too in my comment but I changed it
RoseCrystal 17
I agree. Lick every doorknob in the house and use her toothbrush.
Guy1009 15
Don't forget to give her the same shit she gave you when she's bed ridden!
Ironman_I_Am 7
But then you would probably become her slave and have to do everything
jake_braves 25
Your mom is pure evil OP.
BrotherPhil 35
No, just devoid of compassion.
muncherofice 19
hope you feel better op
tounces7 27
Your mom sounds like a self-centered narcissist.
Tripartita 44
As opposed to those selfless narcissists that insist on caring about others.
BrotherPhil 35
It can happen: "Look at how selfless I'm being". Kinda like the stereotype of a Jewish mother.
DanielleinDC 33
Yeah, but that's still being self-centered if you play at being selfless so you get attention.
moodyreallyrocks 27
Ignore her OP! Hope you feel better soon..
TheLadyOpal 30
Feel better soon. And keep her close by if you ever feel the need to vomit.
AnalBeads4U 20
Let's see how much your mom needs your help when she's the one who's sick.
cranberries_fml 17
Little bit squicked right now because where I'm from a 'lazy ****' is a one night stand..
sylvienoir 18
what the hell is squicked?
oathkeeper99 31
I know the feeling, when I was younger if I ever had a sick day from school my mom would always tell me to wash up, vacuum and clean the house because I was "lucky enough to have a day off". Never mind the fact I was too sick to even walk further than the bathroom without passing out, let alone clean the whole house. It sucks, but feel better, OP!
heatherrr17 19
What a bitchy mom feel better.