Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist...

By Anonymous - United States - Dade City

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Walk on the wild side

Official meeting

By yolonono - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

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43130

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By the dead never die

Today, after over a dozen separate blood tests, my doctor told me conclusively that my results are perfectly normal for a middle-aged woman in the early stages of pregnancy. Problem is, I’m a 24-year-old guy, so my doctor is very concerned. FML

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By Savy - United States - Phoenix

Today, I have a better relationship with the machinery I've given names to at work than my actual coworkers. FML

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5961

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By sosad

Today, I was told that I will never be able to have children. Thankfully for my husband, his girlfriend sure can. FML

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By Lolly

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

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By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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By sozzy - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

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By I write sins not other people's essays - United States - King George

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 20:07

A saint

Today, I'm taking care of my bedridden, 94-year-old grandma. She woke me up at 6 a.m. only to tell me her UTI is still there. Later, she made me interrupt my 15-minute-dinner a total of 4 times because she wanted things like "more lotion in her buttcrack." FML

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By Tallie

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

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By Nick - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

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25398

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By creepystalkerguy - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Newton

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

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By Mrs. Awkward

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

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By Brock - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

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By drunkdial - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

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By ShouldBeSingleSoon - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

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By sarah4241 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Masterchef

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

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By stupidbullcrêpe - Brazil - Santos

Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML

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By Awks - Australia - Bendigo

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

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By SMRT - Canada

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

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By boyishgirl - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

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By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00

Who are you?

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

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By rune breaker

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

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By accident - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

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By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

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By Cpt_Concerned - Canada

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

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By toolegittoquit - United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

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Top comments

By cynide | 13

#5735511 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

You better hope no one comes over to "touch the butt"

By darwinism | 30

#5735513 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Now Nemo can find you too!

COMMENTS

By cynide | 13

#5735511 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

You better hope no one comes over to "touch the butt"

\ | 28

#5735516 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:02

...prepare your porthole

BeccaHugs | 17

#5735522 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:08

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney.

I think I could legit recite this address faster than I could my own.

suplarai | 12

#5735652 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:56

Same YDI on this one, that's an Iconic address buddy

KatelynS26 | 6

#5735682 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 21:30

Same here!

pipsdips | 1

#5735784 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 22:57

12 P.Sherman is his name, you also see it in his office.

BeccaHugs | 17

#5735820 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:49

53 - I am aware that P. Sherman is the mans name. The sentence/address that is recited throught the movie, however, includes his name every time and that is why I chose to include it in my response too.

ElementaryEdGuy | 18

#5735993 - Thursday 31 October 2013 2:44

Uhh...the dentist doesn't live there. That's where his office is.

nmrg | 10

#5736177 - Thursday 31 October 2013 7:51

I chuckled a little bit at this comment, which soon turned into a full out guffaw.

154rct | 7

#5737225 - Friday 1 November 2013 2:32

I said what what. In the butt

smartypants9 | 15

#5899084 - Saturday 29 March 2014 6:12

You know, maybe everyone who listened to that radio conversation is like Dori. Maybe they all forgot everything! No?

By rawr1308 | 14

#5735512 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Why would that be your first instinct..

Damian95 | 16

#5735598 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:52

Whoah, OP, that was you?!

ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#5735865 - Thursday 31 October 2013 0:09

Because when someone asks you a question about addresses your first reaction would be to give your own.

hig999 | 19

#5736553 - Thursday 31 October 2013 14:34

Exactly what I thought

By darwinism | 30

#5735513 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Now Nemo can find you too!

Kn0wledge123 | 21

#5735610 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:07

All he has to do is keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

By Bevspeaks | 11

#5735514 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

When in doubt, remember: P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney

By flashback.miss | 28

#5735515 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

well, to get from Florida to Australia, just keep swimming.

darwinism | 30

#5735608 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:04

Just a heads up, but you should get your eye checked out before you go for a dip. A fish could easily mistake that as bait.

By Cellusr20 | 5

#5735517 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

hopefully nobody is looking for you

By DocBastard | 38

#5735518 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

Did they ask the question at tooth hurty?

theomg | 2

#5735529 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:11

OMG no where in the United States has it been "tooth hurty"

Welshite | 39

#5735532 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:13

OMG, it was a joke.

euphoricness | 28

#5735617 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:17

Two thirty, for the slow ones such as myself.

theomg | 2

#5735803 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:31

OMG no the joke was dumb because nowhere in the United States was it 230 the joke lacked logic

FrankHotpants | 30

#5735847 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:58

The Joke lacked logic, think about how stupid that sounds.

speckledots | 29

#5736041 - Thursday 31 October 2013 3:48

It has totally logic to this situation. Tooth hurty, being 2:30. P. Sherman is a dentist. Dealing with teeth. How is this not relevant?
I say kudos on the joke line Mr. Bastard.