Miscellaneous: Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 15:58 - United States - Dade City

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 964

You deserved it 19 552

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

By anon - 27/04/2016 00:11 - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 332

You deserved it 2 114

"Life is unfair…"

By Breadline single mom - 26/12/2020 19:56

Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 1 278

By RetailScapegoat - 16/09/2017 20:00

Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 466

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the guy I liked how I felt by making him a mixed CD. Confident, I gave it to him. After class, I went to the trash can to throw some paper away. I saw my mixed CD in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 148

You deserved it 8 164

By Nose bleed - 16/04/2014 02:48 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 154

You deserved it 7 769

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 11:50 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 474

You deserved it 3 563

By foo - 01/02/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 040

You deserved it 24 807

Long drive home

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 04:01 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, at work, I shat myself at my desk thinking it was a fart. I had to waddle down to the parking garage and drive myself home. I’m a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 342

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 2 034

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 23:05 - Netherlands

Today, my brother "borrowed" my car and keys without asking me. He came back 4 hours later, alone and pale faced. It took half an hour of questions, interrogation, and finally threats before he admitted that my car is sitting in a ditch a few miles away, probably totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 204

You deserved it 871

By NotTheSoulMate - 26/09/2013 06:54 - United States

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 384

You deserved it 3 770

By Anonymous - 03/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why my girlfriend removed me from Facebook last week. Turns out she didn't want me to see pics of her with a new boyfriend. How I found out? My coworker, her new boyfriend, left his messenger open during lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 831

You deserved it 539

Slippy!

By mud - 29/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 576

By Anonyme - 17/12/2015 06:24 - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 671

You deserved it 6 731

By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 17:59 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, as usual, I got to my internship early, did everything my bosses asked. At the end of the day, I was fired after 3 weeks of working unpaid overtime because they found an applicant with more experience for the job I applied to and they wanted to cut costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 862

You deserved it 701

By awkwardencounters - 12/11/2013 11:18 - United States - Belleville

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 206

You deserved it 49 218

By ToiletTroubles - 03/07/2013 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 015

You deserved it 3 110

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 442

You deserved it 3 339

By FlabbyPants - 06/01/2015 02:51 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I woke up with every muscle in my body hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Participation in a triathlon, or overdoing it at the gym? No, the results of a day spent cleaning the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 655

You deserved it 6 411

By wow - 12/12/2011 01:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 4 500

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 859

You deserved it 2 483

By Anonymous - 09/01/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 032

You deserved it 1 180

By Anonymoose - 19/08/2016 20:06

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 651

You deserved it 977

By shinymcface - 19/11/2018 14:00

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 855

You deserved it 274

By pinkrazorsare4men - 16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 803

You deserved it 862

By link - 26/05/2018 18:30 - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 554

You deserved it 4 349

Cash dispenser

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 20:08

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 170

Oh no!

By AnnoyedandAutistic - 01/06/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied, "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 930

You deserved it 608

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 440

You deserved it 2 915

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 04:38 - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 636

You deserved it 15 142

Negotiations

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 17:01

Today, I had to tell my 28-year-old roommate she needs to wash her hands after using the bathroom. She then said she’d try, as long as I try to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Those aren’t even on the same level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 833

By ihatemyjob - 12/09/2010 07:23 - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 093

You deserved it 2 768

Poor kid

By fair lady - 03/06/2021 04:01

Today, I watched as my four-year-old niece accidentally knocked over her mom’s wine. She was clearly upset about it, and her mother screaming at her didn’t help. Later, she asked her mom if she still loved her, to which she replied, "I don’t believe in second chances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 12:30

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 545

You deserved it 449

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 736

You deserved it 42 291

By meohmy - 31/03/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 791

You deserved it 6 007

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 07:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 98

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 138

By bodhimae - 03/05/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 007

You deserved it 2 350

By SinkyBalls - 30/08/2011 03:56 - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 629

You deserved it 2 796

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Top comments

cynide 13

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

You better hope no one comes over to "touch the butt"

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Now Nemo can find you too!

Comments

cynide 13

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

You better hope no one comes over to "touch the butt"

\ 28

Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:02

...prepare your porthole

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:08

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney. I think I could legit recite this address faster than I could my own.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:56

Same YDI on this one, that's an Iconic address buddy

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 21:30

Same here!

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 22:57

12 P.Sherman is his name, you also see it in his office.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:49

53 - I am aware that P. Sherman is the mans name. The sentence/address that is recited throught the movie, however, includes his name every time and that is why I chose to include it in my response too.

ElementaryEdGuy 18

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Thursday 31 October 2013 2:44

Uhh...the dentist doesn't live there. That's where his office is.

nmrg 10

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Thursday 31 October 2013 7:51

I chuckled a little bit at this comment, which soon turned into a full out guffaw.

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Friday 1 November 2013 2:32

I said what what. In the butt

smartypants9 15

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Saturday 29 March 2014 6:12

You know, maybe everyone who listened to that radio conversation is like Dori. Maybe they all forgot everything! No?

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Why would that be your first instinct..

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:52

Whoah, OP, that was you?!

ryanthecheeseguy 18

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Thursday 31 October 2013 0:09

Because when someone asks you a question about addresses your first reaction would be to give your own.

hig999 19

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Thursday 31 October 2013 14:34

Exactly what I thought

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Now Nemo can find you too!

Kn0wledge123 21

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:07

All he has to do is keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

When in doubt, remember: P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney

flashback.miss 28

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

well, to get from Florida to Australia, just keep swimming.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:04

Just a heads up, but you should get your eye checked out before you go for a dip. A fish could easily mistake that as bait.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

hopefully nobody is looking for you

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

Did they ask the question at tooth hurty?

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:11

OMG no where in the United States has it been "tooth hurty"

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:13

OMG, it was a joke.

euphoricness 28

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:17

Two thirty, for the slow ones such as myself.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:31

OMG no the joke was dumb because nowhere in the United States was it 230 the joke lacked logic

FrankHotpants 31

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:58

The Joke lacked logic, think about how stupid that sounds.

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Thursday 31 October 2013 3:48

It has totally logic to this situation. Tooth hurty, being 2:30. P. Sherman is a dentist. Dealing with teeth. How is this not relevant? I say kudos on the joke line Mr. Bastard.

Blaphlafagus 19

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Thursday 31 October 2013 4:59

That Dr Bastard to you.

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

OMG that was you?! I'm going to invite all my friends and we can have a sleepover!

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:04

Sharkbait, hoohaha!

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:09

Was it right?!:D

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 135

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 303