Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist...

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 15:58 - United States - Dade City

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

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Miscellaneous

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Assumptions

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By HDCkid - 5/4/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2016 15:26 - United States - Newville

Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

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By haters - 9/5/2019 12:00

Today, while in a meeting for work, my boss expressed how much he likes everyone at our site. But before continuing, he looked at me and said, “Everyone but you, that is.” FML

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By BAMN2187 - 31/12/2013 03:51 - United States

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

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By skygardens - 21/8/2018 15:00

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

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By MochiMomoChan - 17/9/2009 09:32 - United States

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan for me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would. I got screwed over financially because of her. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

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By AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone - 13/12/2012 14:35 - Australia - Newport

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

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By allyshah - 20/2/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

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By anonymous - 8/1/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

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By - 15/1/2017 22:00

Today, I went scuba diving for the first time. The diver took me down some 3 meters and I started showing the thumbs up. He thought I was excited. My breather wasn't working and I was using the sign he told me to use to go up. FML

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By fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU - 3/3/2014 22:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

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By Bden - 21/3/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 12:00

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:07 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2016 00:53 - United States - Taunton

Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML

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By Taylor D - 7/8/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it that much!" FML

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By notmydad. - 8/5/2010 10:07 - Philippines

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

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By dino0123 - 12/12/2012 17:51 - United States - Herndon

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

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By Noname - 5/3/2009 19:44 - Canada

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

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By Ouch - 14/11/2018 05:00

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By sarskii - 16/8/2010 23:01 - United States

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

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By URGH - 28/6/2009 22:08 - Canada

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

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By fml9124 - 28/7/2020 20:00

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2012 21:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 13:24 - Ireland

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

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By guitar_chick7 - 20/8/2009 08:54 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

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By oh lord - 27/5/2012 16:06 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2012 16:25 - United States - Bucyrus

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

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By thanks google - 4/9/2018 16:30 - United States - Naperville

Today, while I was driving, Google said it found a faster route to save me 15 minutes. I hit accept, only be directed into a gridlock on the interstate, adding an hour to my drive time. FML

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By Laura_2118 - 12/12/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

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By hellostupid - 28/3/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

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By Bonnie and Clyde - 8/5/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

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By scared-straight - 27/5/2013 04:05 - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

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By holdengurl18 - 21/6/2011 04:46 - China

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

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By umm - 8/12/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

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Top comments

By cynide | 13

#5735511 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

You better hope no one comes over to "touch the butt"

By darwinism | 30

#5735513 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Now Nemo can find you too!

COMMENTS

By cynide | 13

#5735511 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

You better hope no one comes over to "touch the butt"

\ | 28

#5735516 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:02

...prepare your porthole

BeccaHugs | 17

#5735522 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:08

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney.

I think I could legit recite this address faster than I could my own.

suplarai | 12

#5735652 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:56

Same YDI on this one, that's an Iconic address buddy

KatelynS26 | 6

#5735682 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 21:30

Same here!

pipsdips | 1

#5735784 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 22:57

12 P.Sherman is his name, you also see it in his office.

BeccaHugs | 17

#5735820 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:49

53 - I am aware that P. Sherman is the mans name. The sentence/address that is recited throught the movie, however, includes his name every time and that is why I chose to include it in my response too.

ElementaryEdGuy | 18

#5735993 - Thursday 31 October 2013 2:44

Uhh...the dentist doesn't live there. That's where his office is.

nmrg | 10

#5736177 - Thursday 31 October 2013 7:51

I chuckled a little bit at this comment, which soon turned into a full out guffaw.

154rct | 7

#5737225 - Friday 1 November 2013 2:32

I said what what. In the butt

smartypants9 | 15

#5899084 - Saturday 29 March 2014 6:12

You know, maybe everyone who listened to that radio conversation is like Dori. Maybe they all forgot everything! No?

By rawr1308 | 14

#5735512 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Why would that be your first instinct..

Damian95 | 16

#5735598 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:52

Whoah, OP, that was you?!

ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#5735865 - Thursday 31 October 2013 0:09

Because when someone asks you a question about addresses your first reaction would be to give your own.

hig999 | 19

#5736553 - Thursday 31 October 2013 14:34

Exactly what I thought

By darwinism | 30

#5735513 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

Now Nemo can find you too!

Kn0wledge123 | 21

#5735610 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:07

All he has to do is keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

By Bevspeaks | 11

#5735514 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

When in doubt, remember: P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney

By flashback.miss | 28

#5735515 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:01

well, to get from Florida to Australia, just keep swimming.

darwinism | 30

#5735608 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:04

Just a heads up, but you should get your eye checked out before you go for a dip. A fish could easily mistake that as bait.

By Cellusr20 | 5

#5735517 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

hopefully nobody is looking for you

By DocBastard | 38

#5735518 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:03

Did they ask the question at tooth hurty?

theomg | 2

#5735529 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:11

OMG no where in the United States has it been "tooth hurty"

Welshite | 39

#5735532 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:13

OMG, it was a joke.

euphoricness | 28

#5735617 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 20:17

Two thirty, for the slow ones such as myself.

theomg | 2

#5735803 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:31

OMG no the joke was dumb because nowhere in the United States was it 230 the joke lacked logic

FrankHotpants | 30

#5735847 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 23:58

The Joke lacked logic, think about how stupid that sounds.

speckledots | 29

#5736041 - Thursday 31 October 2013 3:48

It has totally logic to this situation. Tooth hurty, being 2:30. P. Sherman is a dentist. Dealing with teeth. How is this not relevant?
I say kudos on the joke line Mr. Bastard.