Miscellaneous: Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed...

By silvercity09 - Canada

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Pompous twat

No-life

By waternixie - Malaysia - Rembau

Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML

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By Highschoolsucks - Australia - Brisbane

Unexpected item

Today, I was hit in the head with a football during class. Spanish class. FML

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By Adopted

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

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By Egtat216 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

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By hermit's life - United States - Sellersburg

Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML

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By unknown - 26/4/2021 21:30

Priorities

Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML

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By NotYourToy - United States - Binghamton

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

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By Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

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By Omar Khalaf

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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By kyyle - United States - Chicago

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

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By screwed - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 02:01

Send virtual hugs

Today, I'm jealous of people who get to hug. My mom has banned hugs in the house because of COVID-19, and the only person I've hugged in the last 6 months is my boyfriend. He's been away for work for the past month and a half. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I was starting a new job and I didn't want to be late, so I took a train that left earlier than normal, just to make sure I'd be on time. Turns out, the earlier train wasn't an express train, and made it to my stop 12 minutes after my usual one did. I was late for work. FML

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By LaurenB - United States - Epping

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

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By clarakipper - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Sarnia

Today, I found out that since there are 3 people with the same name as me at work, I'm known as "the ugly one". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

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By ohyey - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

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By meg the mighty

Today, it's been 3 days since my husband decided he really wanted to try the surstromming challenge. I can still smell that shit all through my house even with all the doors and windows open after the stupid bastard took one smell, vomited, and dropped the can on the carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

We feel for you, bruh

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

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By Mal - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

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By perfectmoment - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

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By fml9124 - 5/12/2020 02:02

Weird-ass kids

Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML

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By Dsark - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

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By Leo_RxXx - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

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By omgdesdes - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

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By snakeboy - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

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By dab1230 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Smooth sailing

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2021 07:49

Scammers scamming

Today, I got a call from my bank, saying that the cheque I deposited in my account bounced and my account is now -$2900. The cheque was from a work-at-home company, who asked me to deposit the cheque, then send them some of the money through Cash App to buy office supplies. They won’t answer their e-mails. FML

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By waltzy777 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

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By Depirama - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

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By Potforapeso - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

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By - - United States

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

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By cakehater - United States

Kids these days…

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

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By ddll - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

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By knews - United States

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

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Top comments

By readme | 0

#232575 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:19

I'm rather concerned that you were even getting it for your sister...
A rather "close" relationship you two have is it?...

By xBabyMaMa | 0

#232596 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:27

Could of been worse. Your dad could have been happy.

COMMENTS

By readme | 0

#232575 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:19

I'm rather concerned that you were even getting it for your sister...
A rather "close" relationship you two have is it?...

AbscenceOfLuck | 0

#865978 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 17:57

HaHa if he got a vibrator, what did she get? ...Condoms?

kingace | 0

#955153 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 22:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

owneditup | 0

#1176290 - Monday 2 August 2010 9:42

thats why i dont give ppl gifts... jk its cuz i have no money

frolick123 | 0

#2624811 - Sunday 5 June 2011 18:21

kingace your creepy... it is still a terrible gift... like saying she cant a guy and imagine opening that in front of ur parents

By gorjjays6 | 0

#232576 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:19

this is so fake. what? you wrapped them the same and they were the same shape? i find that hard to believe. good effort though.

BlueEyed1019 | 12

#3857089 - Monday 9 January 2012 20:27

I always want to know what the moderated comments say!

By loveisalie2 | 0

#232582 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:21

why the flying fuck would someone get a vibrator for their sister. If my brother ever got me a vibrator i would be honestly creeped out and disgusted. I'd think he was having some sort of incest feelings towards me. ew