By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 913
You deserved it 1 217

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Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit

This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.

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Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit

Is this a cards against humanity answer?

No more like diabolical plotting answer…

No. It's the Ferengi answer.

Well lethal poison is illegal, but maybe slip in some stool softeners and stool hardener their stool won't know what to do.

This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.

I agree. That is actually theft. It may seem insignificant, but many people cannot afford to have their lunch stolen every day. An old science teacher of mine had a pet snake and she kept frozen rats in the teacher's lounge fridge to feed the snake. She was tired of her lunch getting stolen so once day, instead of putting her lunch in a her lunch box, she put a frozen rat in it. Her lunch was never stolen again.

No, start bringing two lunches. He likes them, so perhaps he'll give you a raise.

Like I said before, #64, not everyone can afford that. I wouldn't want to pay to feed some asshole who stole my lunch.

(This is from South Park) Step: 1 put boogers and cum in you lunch Step: 2 Laugh maniacally when you see it's gone

3. ??? 4. PROFIT!!!

or kill his parents and make them into chili

replace your mayo with loation

Make a dog food and laxative sandwich and watch the fun unfold ... then report your boss to HR.

Time for the laxatives?

I hope he enjoys his new nick, Big Sloppy Joe.

spike your food with an entire bottle of tabasco and chilipowder. Alternatively do as others say, add a large amount of laxatives into the food. Bonus points if it's Taco Bell or something similarily spicy. Make him experience true hellfire out of his "exhaust pipe"! He'll never steal your food ever again. You might get fired for it, but personally I think it'd be worth it.

What would his reason be to fire them? They put laxative in their own labeled lunch and I stole it out of the fridge and ate it?

Some bosses are vindictive bastards. Just because they have a higher position, they think they can treat their workers like trash. I bet OP's boss is that type of person.

Besides, OP's boss now knows that OP knows. Guess we'll see if he gets to keep his lunch to himself from now on. Otherwise it's bombs away with the tabasco.

I know this is kind of different, but in high school one of my friends got his lunch stolen from his locker everyday. (Post 9/11 bullshit in the name of safety meant we didn't get locks). One day he decided he had enough and put a ton of laxatives in the lunch and the kid stealing it shit his pants and reported my friend to the school, who then got him arrested for poisoning. He was able to fight the charges, but he still had to apologize to the guy.

fired? if anyone's getting fired it's his boss. that shit don't fly at walmart. you do that at walmart you get fired. I know. a coworker was doing the same thing

#17: I forget the exact term (right to work maybe?) but in some states a company can fire you without a reason or warning.

It's called At-Will employment. And it sucks

That's absolute bullshit. That school sucks.

Did you mistake it for your own sandwich with a moist maker?!?

Definitely reprt that scum to HR.