By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham
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Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit
This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.
I agree. That is actually theft. It may seem insignificant, but many people cannot afford to have their lunch stolen every day. An old science teacher of mine had a pet snake and she kept frozen rats in the teacher's lounge fridge to feed the snake. She was tired of her lunch getting stolen so once day, instead of putting her lunch in a her lunch box, she put a frozen rat in it. Her lunch was never stolen again.
spike your food with an entire bottle of tabasco and chilipowder. Alternatively do as others say, add a large amount of laxatives into the food. Bonus points if it's Taco Bell or something similarily spicy. Make him experience true hellfire out of his "exhaust pipe"! He'll never steal your food ever again. You might get fired for it, but personally I think it'd be worth it.
I know this is kind of different, but in high school one of my friends got his lunch stolen from his locker everyday. (Post 9/11 bullshit in the name of safety meant we didn't get locks). One day he decided he had enough and put a ton of laxatives in the lunch and the kid stealing it shit his pants and reported my friend to the school, who then got him arrested for poisoning. He was able to fight the charges, but he still had to apologize to the guy.