Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that... - FML

By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

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Everyone's an expert

Caught red-handed

Emergency haircut

By ew - 11/8/2013 13:09 - United States - Titusville

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

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By StrawberryJuicey - 13/12/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2016 00:04

Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML

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By EnemyofKarma - 4/3/2010 08:52 - Canada

Today, I marched into my workplace yelling "take this job and shove it", under the impression I would be on a flight in a few days out of here. However, the airline has informed me I cannot fly until April because cargo is too cold for my dog this time of year. Jobless, four weeks to wait. FML

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By Brit - 16/12/2011 08:50 - Reserved

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

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By anonymous - 13/9/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2015 04:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

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By Emily S - 9/10/2011 05:17 - Australia

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

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By leaannec30 - 10/7/2016 18:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML

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By loveade11 - 12/1/2010 19:28 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

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By GreatParenting - 26/7/2015 22:47 - United States - Nampa

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

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By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

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By why - 23/7/2013 13:21

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

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By fuckmyjob - 19/6/2014 20:10 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

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By LovelessNewlywed - 14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

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By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

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By Richie - 20/5/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint. She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12-inch ham sub. FML

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By swee t - 21/9/2016 19:02 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

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By northernlass - 20/9/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

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By I'm my husband's second mom - 3/11/2015 07:14 - United States - Dickson

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

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By wtfjusthappened - 31/1/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

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By Ishowet - 31/5/2017 12:00 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 16:13 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 08:00

Frustrated

Today, after 10-plus years of marriage, my husband still gets off after 5 minutes. I find myself just wanting to just go down on him, instead of being unsatisfied right when I start to get into it myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

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By and somehow you have a master's degree - 7/11/2017 01:30

Good excuse.

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

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By notenough - 29/8/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

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By bored - 27/11/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By initforthewrongreasons - 18/5/2017 02:00

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least 4 relationships. FML

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By Bacon0426 - 4/7/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

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By p - 28/8/2012 20:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2011 11:22 - France

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

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By Brandon - 4/8/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

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By MisterT - 19/5/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2016 23:29 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2015 18:11 - United States

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1686463 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:19

Donny Osmond only did his singing voice, so you technically want two guys.

The other guy who did his talking voice also played Dr. Huang on Law & Order: SVU...

By dreaGiallo | 0

#1686362 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:11

it's ok Op, I liked John Smith until I realized he was voiced by Mel Gibson! hahaha

Comments

By hairdreser0nfire | 0

#1686303 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:06

Hey donny and his mouthful of teeth are hot....... yeah, not really.

Reply

EminemTM | 0

#1686421 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:16

Okay.

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1686507 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:27

has op considered converting to Mormon ?

Reply

kellanlvr | 1

#1686738 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:09

doesn't every normal person have a mouth full of teeth...?

Reply

hairdreser0nfire | 0

#1686764 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:19

No, not all people 29. Thanks for being so observant though. I meant big teeth, a mouthful of big chompers.

Reply

ravensunnyd | 0

#1687533 - Friday 12 November 2010 14:03

Donny is only his voice when he's singing

Reply

stacey90 | 0

#1689254 - Friday 12 November 2010 18:02

;

Reply

mandy_Reeves | 0

#1692133 - Saturday 13 November 2010 5:56

they are beautiful... he is pretty hot for someone in their 50s

Reply

newmanlyman3 | 8

#4157724 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 5:19

you can still have "oral" sex! *budum tss*

Reply

gczizza1997 | 15

#5574401 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 23:34

Wait Donny osmond is just his singing voice, his real voice character is BD wong

By chelle_starlight | 0

#1686309 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:07

relax op...it's just puppy love...

Reply

12596 | 0

#1686525 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:31

Donny osmond is only the singing voice of Shang the regular voice is BD Wong

Reply

dberri05 | 2

#1690316 - Friday 12 November 2010 22:12

B.D. Wong is openly gay. So it's still an FML for her, but it certainly does not compare to Donny Osmond.

Reply

TheEpicFoo | 0

#1690851 - Saturday 13 November 2010 2:00

MUSE!!!!

By anorexicbarbie | 8

#1686345 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:11

His forehead looks swollen... is he related to Tyra Banks?

Reply

yuhimjesus | 0

#1686697 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:58

lol. yes he is.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1686702 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:00

Tyra Banks was cooler back when her name was still RuPaul.

By perez758 | 2

#1686347 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:11

lol atleast hes not totally gross for his age

By dreaGiallo | 0

#1686362 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:11

it's ok Op, I liked John Smith until I realized he was voiced by Mel Gibson! hahaha

Reply

SARSvirus79 | 0

#1686807 - Friday 12 November 2010 10:36

Right! Same here. So disturbing.

Reply

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1689879 - Friday 12 November 2010 19:54

Mel Gibson used to be hot.

Reply

michman23 | 0

#1690661 - Saturday 13 November 2010 0:50

Mel is a douche

Reply

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1690750 - Saturday 13 November 2010 1:26

#88 Yes, he's a douche, but that still has nothing to do with the fact that he used to be hot.

Reply

cactuspancake | 0

#1698818 - Sunday 14 November 2010 9:19

man I've had a crush on Mel since braveheart!! but recently age is not making him look so great... and he's pretty weird

Reply

xcarxcrashx | 9

#2413216 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 1:38

But Thomas is Christian Bale!

Reply

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#2753097 - Saturday 25 June 2011 2:25

IS IT ACTUALLY?? omg.

By ILikeBigBoobs | 2

#1686406 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:15

ydi for being a slut.

Reply

TexanDanny | 2

#1686504 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:27

lmfao

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#1693631 - Saturday 13 November 2010 13:46

I'm sorry but... how is she being a slut?

By schwancy | 2

#1686414 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:16

Maybe next time you shouldn't go into so much detail about your creepy cartoon fantasies.

Reply

technicolourain1 | 0

#2278545 - Friday 1 April 2011 21:07

lmao

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1686463 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:19

Donny Osmond only did his singing voice, so you technically want two guys.

The other guy who did his talking voice also played Dr. Huang on Law & Order: SVU...

Reply

teddygraham1 | 1

#1687336 - Friday 12 November 2010 13:13

i love the guy from L&O:SVU, he is a sexy man.

Reply

MhaiMhai | 0

#1690028 - Friday 12 November 2010 20:25

yeah his names B.D. Wong

Reply

court7733 | 0

#3013202 - Monday 1 August 2011 7:00

He's also gay. I love him in Law & Order and he does have a sexy voice... Well for sure in Mulan. But yeah, Donny Osmond just did the singing.

Reply

TOPsCinderella | 25

#6214096 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 20:31

I'm glad someone said that, I was ready to flip lol, I love B.D. Wong!

By XxHKXx | 0

#1686465 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:21

Actually I looked it up too since I was curious, well Donny Osmond did play Shang, but as the singing voice for Shang. The actual voice was played by B.D Wong.

Reply

noscope_ftw | 0

#1689174 - Friday 12 November 2010 17:39

why look it up when like 5 people have already said that before you?..

By Zero72 | 0

#1686571 - Friday 12 November 2010 9:37

haha the weird thing is i did practically the same thing the other day.
i got the song he sings on my iPod and was like "what a great voice", looked him up and now everytime i listen to it all i can see is his face :/