Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started...

By CA19oo - 16/1/2012 03:08 - United States

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

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Miscellaneous

Great boyfriend

Goodbye Bill

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By kitkat545 - 15/6/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

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By fuck teh poleese - 12/2/2012 21:50 - United States

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2016 11:17 - United States

Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML

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By anonymous - 10/11/2016 14:29 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

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By miiiiilk - 5/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

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31490

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2019 11:00 - United States - University

Today, I went to take a shower, but forgot my towel and dorm key in the room. After my shower, I had to run down to the front desk butt-naked, using only a shampoo bottle as cover, and ask for a temporary key. The person running the front desk was my ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend. FML

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By drycleanplz - 21/6/2011 02:33 - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 20:00

Captive

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

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By Noname - 8/3/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

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By dimtsis - 29/7/2010 01:24 - Australia

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn't want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

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By diddlebuag - 27/5/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2018 22:24

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2020 08:00

Money Money Money

Today, as I was coming out of McDonald's, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn't until I got home later that I realized I'd accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML

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By christiner - 6/9/2010 03:01 - France

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

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By Crispy cripple - 5/9/2018 18:30

Today, my dorm's fire alarm went off. In the rush to escape, I slipped and fell off my bunk bed, breaking my ankle in two places. Crying, I told my roommates I needed help to walk. They shrugged and left after mentioning that I would slow them down. FML

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By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/1/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

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By Krystyn Gareau - 9/9/2011 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

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By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/6/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

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By Ear Invasion - 26/1/2013 05:53 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

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By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

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By StUbbY - 9/7/2009 14:01 - Canada

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2009 06:39 - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

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30227

You deserved it

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By Justlooking - 28/7/2017 20:00

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

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By give me an F - 5/1/2014 16:16 - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 08:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

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By shut up. - 11/11/2013 10:36 - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 01:53 - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 16:30 - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

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By FistFighter - 9/4/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

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By Noname - 30/12/2009 16:53 - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 17:20 - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By notkatvond - 19/6/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

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By houdini - 3/2/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

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By FlamedOut - 23/4/2017 22:00

Today, I discovered that my Tinder date is the roommate and best friend of a date from the previous week that went sour. He also hangs out with my former high school flame. What are the chances? FML

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3760

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By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 2/6/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

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By nowbrokevaper - 19/11/2016 18:47 - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

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By Snoodist - 6/5/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

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By shadowmuppet - 31/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

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4560

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2016 13:32 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

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Top comments

By ICATiger | 13

#3891887 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:52

That was you. God I thought somebody was dying.....

By TheHaloReachigan | 3

#3891824 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:47

Haha. Show it to your friends and tell them the band had a rough night.

COMMENTS

By TheHaloReachigan | 3

#3891824 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:47

Haha. Show it to your friends and tell them the band had a rough night.

ChucktheNorris | 0

#3893238 - Monday 16 January 2012 15:45

Put that on YouTube. I dare you.

ZeroIce | 12

#3896997 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:12

Halo Reach PWNS. Not just owns:)

By dirtroadmopar | 0

#3891829 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:47

hurry delete the video before you jynk the band and the break up!

ClassyCommando | 13

#3892265 - Monday 16 January 2012 9:43

That comment made zero sense to me.

I_See_Purple_Ppl | 0

#3892344 - Monday 16 January 2012 10:15

Nice to know I'm not the only one confused

RickGGJR | 0

#3892477 - Monday 16 January 2012 10:58

*Hurry delete the video, before you jinx the band and they break up!*

Even with the corrections it does'nt make any more sense than it did without them...

MizzErikaHart | 8

#3893257 - Monday 16 January 2012 15:49

Omg 45, that's not true about ur mom, is it?

Tobias5505 | 0

#3896710 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:22

WTF are you talking about?

chubby_choco | 17

#3936177 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:38

Oh, goody. More stuff that doesn't make sense. -._-.

ViktoriaaKills | 13

#6012120 - Saturday 19 July 2014 6:07

she was talking about his profile's bio.

By Isoldael | 25

#3891836 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:48

Think of the people next to you o.O And well, to be fair, a concert is never as good on tape as it was live, just cherish the memories of an awesome concert :)

By drooby | 5

#3891875 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:51

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

DrNeuroxide | 0

#3892770 - Monday 16 January 2012 13:22

My, arent you cheery. Are you going to apply that comment to every FML?

drooby | 5

#3892863 - Monday 16 January 2012 14:07

Ones that isn't a really FML situation yes

disturbed678 | 10

#3892900 - Monday 16 January 2012 14:20

Lolwut

desireev | 17

#3893044 - Monday 16 January 2012 14:53

50- Ones that aren't really an FML situation, yes.

*corrected punctuation and grammar*
Just thought I'd correct that for ya! :)

By sydie5 | 12

#3891882 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:52

Put it on YouTube, you'll become a tone-deaf sensation!

ICATiger | 13

#3891977 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:58

Like Rebecca Black!

ClassyCommando | 13

#3892259 - Monday 16 January 2012 9:41

Or 90% of today's popular artists!

kyz_xox | 11

#3893555 - Monday 16 January 2012 16:45

xD Oh boy do I agree with that

By ICATiger | 13

#3891887 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:52

That was you. God I thought somebody was dying.....

kristena103 | 14

#3894641 - Monday 16 January 2012 22:16

Hehe this is ur funniest comment evarr!!!

By theten_fml | 9

#3891889 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:52

Go buy their CD and let them do the singing.

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3891949 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:56

Just because my singing sucks, doesn't mean I won't do it in the privacy of my neighbors shower.

By stormer461 | 13

#3891892 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:53

Next time try to enjoy the concert instead of trying to take a shitty video with your cell phone you'll never look at ever again.

GovernorGeneral | 8

#3891940 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:55

Video camera....OP took out a video camera...

MaaaanWTF | 1

#3892031 - Monday 16 January 2012 9:03

Hell yea 13! Tell his ass!

I_See_Purple_Ppl | 0

#3892353 - Monday 16 January 2012 10:16

Learn to read. Last time I checked a cell phone cam and a video cam are two entirely diffrent things...

Trish01 | 23

#5624716 - Monday 12 August 2013 22:00

I don't get why some people choose to see entire concerts through their tiny phone or camera screens. Idiots. Random rant over.

By SmelloJello | 9

#3891911 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:53

Don't sing if you suck.

BlueHue | 0

#3892503 - Monday 16 January 2012 11:12

Oh I disagree, people who suck at singing give me much amusement... :)

By Taysia_Elice | 6

#3891923 - Monday 16 January 2012 8:54

I really want to know what concert it was. And could you imagine what the people around you thought when they got home and listened back to their video!